


Finding Life

by Roe_Pacmanshooter



Series: Branches of Life [1]
Category: Stardew Valley (Video Game)
Genre: Canon Divergent, Eventual Kids, Eventual Sex, Eventual marriage, F/F, Focus on Feelings, Getting Together, M/M, Mutual Pining, OC technically a trans-man but kinda isn't, Romance, Wildly Anachronistic, inaccurate calendars-multiple harvests/season but 12 month calendar, medically not entirely accurate, mild social anxiety, slooow-paced, somewhat socially awkward Elliot, touch-starved Elliot
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-16
Updated: 2021-03-01
Packaged: 2021-03-14 09:33:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 53,911
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28793223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Roe_Pacmanshooter/pseuds/Roe_Pacmanshooter
Summary: Long-winded story detailing how Elliot and OC Robert get together, get married, have kids. The nonbinary OC is physically not-male below the belt, presents as male (very mild beard-growth+medium dark voice+never had secondary fem-organs) using male pronouns.Prequel-ish to "The Dangers of Commitment"This is were the cheesy romance happens.Chapter 1-13 - Getting together, 14-?? - Early Established Relationship
Relationships: Elliot (Stardew Valley)/Original Character, Leah/Haley (Stardew Valley)(background)
Series: Branches of Life [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2177874
Comments: 2
Kudos: 9





	1. Spring 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is the standard boring first chapter in which nothing happens. Robert gets the farm, gets frustrated and decides theres one thing in the house he desperately needs to throw out.

When Robert first heard the news that he’d had inherited his grandfathers old farm, many emotions wrestled for dominance inside of him. His immediate impulse was to sell the whole thing, hoping to get enough out of it to buy a small flat somewhere. The rent in the city rose every year with his wage not following the pattern. Buying a flat now would not only help him cover his living expensive in the long term, it was also a good investment. In the city, property prices would only increase time went by and maybe, in 30 years he could resell it and buy a little house, somewhere in the countryside…  
He pondered the thought for a moment. Retiring to the countryside in his own house at a comparatively young age of 55, by then. He imagined the kitchen, bright, reasonable sized, a nice open living room where one could lounge around, reading while the sun shone through the windows, lighting up the wooden floors, bathing the room in warm colors…

It wasn’t until he properly looked at the documents again, trying to wrap his head around how big the plot was, when he realized his mistake…

He already _had_ a house in the countryside. Right now! He owned it! Of course he had read that part when first opening the letter, but only now he truly recognized what was true.

He could just...leave.

He could leave the flickering nights, the noisy neighbor and the dirty underground trains, escape the soulless grind of joja with their malicious products and their poisoning policies.

He could leave behind his desk. No more back pain from slumping in the office all day, no dry throat from talking in a dry office full of people talking with much too little air to go around and a wide distaste for the opening of windows…

Robert looked around his shabby little apartment. A single room with a kitchenette. A notebook that doubled as tv, most nights. Some old photographs. A whole lot of books. His keyboard in the corner. Some painting utensils.

How long would it take him to pack everything and get ready to move?

Maybe a day?

He took another look at the documents, a buzz of excitement starting to fill him.

He would do it. He would quite his job the next day and just… leave. Nothing held him here.

He arrived in Pelican town by bus. He carried his keyboard case in one hand and had his hiking backpack on, filled to the brim with a few tightly-packed clothes, his painting utensils, two books and the bare minimum of supplies he’d need to survive two days. Looking the town up on the internet he had found there to be few shops for daily needs. There was a local Joja store which he hoped he wouldn’t ever have to visit as well as “Pierre’s General store” of which he hoped that it wasn’t too overpriced. He wasn’t sure what the actual situation on the farm would be like, but he knew that shops in rural areas often sported fairly high prices to make up for the small amount of regular shoppers.

“Hello!” A man in a green shirt, tie and suspenders waved to him. He stood at the nearby fence nearby the bus stop and gave him a welcoming smile. “I’m Mayor Lewis! Welcome to Pelican town!” He shook his hand as soon as he was close enough. “I just wanted to meet you here to help you find your way to your property. Your grandfather hasn’t been too good about maintaining the property in recent years and it can be a bit difficult to find your way to the door. Can I help you with your luggage?”

Robert tried giving him the friendliest smile he could muster, feeling awkward about the on-toward friendliness of the mayor.  
_I’ve never met a mayor before..._

“N-no thank you, Mr. Mayor, that's totally fine...”

“Oh please, Call me Lewis, no need for the formality… Well then, if you won’t let me help you carry your things, at least allow me to get you to the door. Got the keys for you and everything. Follow me, its right down this path!”

When Robert was finally left to his own devices, he allowed himself to feel disappointment.

His dream of wide open spaces and a nice, decently sized kitchen was a bust.

Obviously.

He really should have known better, or so he thought; After all, his grandpas farm had never been a big money maker. He had made enough to sustain himself and occasionally help out his daughter, Roberts mother, financially, from time to time. Living here alone, he probably hadn’t needed much.

The place was about the same size as his old apartment. There was a tiny fridge in a corner that looked like it was thirty years old. Checking it, he he realized someone had been kind enough to empty and clean it after his grandfathers death. It wasn’t turned on though, despite being plugged into the wall.

 _Well, not like I got a new contract for here yet so there’s probably no power anywhere..._

He sighed, feeling like kicking himself for not thinking about this earlier. Then again.. almost all of this had been a bit of a spur-of-the-moment-decision. Technically, the lease of his apartment in Zuzu City would only be up in another month. His light there worked. He could just go back right now,-

Back to the flooding electrical lights and the noise and the people,-

He shuddered, finally taking off his backpack, placing it on the little bench in the room. Its color and shade matched the little table and despite his disappointment with the general size of the house, he did like the small set. It looked to be in good shape too, like somebody had actually cared to give it the proper care, occasionally.

He gave the old CRT screen a look and rolled his eyes. Then he rolled up his sleeves, putting his hands up in front of him as far out as he could, grabbing the bed sheets and dragging them outside. He tossed them down the stairs before going back in, grabbing the thankfully small, old mattress, dragging it out too. He let it flop down the stairs, going back inside to check whatever else was inside. He looked at the old rug for a moment, thinking, than dragged it outside as well. The room was no free of fabric.  
And hopefully, free of bed bugs.  
Living in a big city he had seen his share of horrors in cheap apartments and dormitory's. He wasn’t going to ruin what little he had by getting his clothes infected with bed bugs immediately. Even if it meant he had to sleep on the floor for a while.

He went back inside, wondering how cool the night here would be. There was a heap of firewood outside but he had never made a fire inside a house. What if the chimney wasn’t safe? He could poison himself with noxious fumes, falling over dead before he even knew what was happening…  
By the time anyone – probably the mayor – would find him, he’d probably be mummified already.

Robert closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. It would be fine. Maybe difficult at first, but fine. He had his sleeping bag, an emergency blanket and he was mostly protected from the elements. How bad could it be?

8 hours later he felt like dying would have been the better option than coming here. 

Everything in his body hurt, it was cold in the little cabin and he was starving.

He barely dragged himself inside before flopping down onto insulating mat, wrapping himself into his sleeping bag. He tore out one of the granola bars from his backpack, lying down. It was cold. He was hungry. He was tired. So tired. Actually eating the granola bar was difficult for his muscles were more sore than ever before in his life and all he wanted was sleep. He bit off a piece, keeping it in his mouth. Making himself chew was an effort, as was swallowing. He went on for a moment before he remembered the emergency blanket. He wrapped it around himself, hoping it would help keep out the cold, still chewing the granola.  
He’d realized earlier in the day that he needed to plant as many seeds possible as early as possible. He didn’t have much money and getting anything going here would require money, fast. He wasn’t sure yet, what kind of money he could make here, if he was even going to be any good at growing crops. And if he did – would anyone buy them? At any rate, he had spend all the money he still had on seeds. And all the time he had on sowing them.  
Row after row after row.

Robert swallowed the last bite of the granola bar and fell asleep. 

How he would find the energy to water all those crops tomorrow, he had no idea.


	2. Fishing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Who knew fish had teeth anyway?

Robert sat at the pier, fishing, a small bucket beside him to store his supplies and the fish in.

He had been here for almost two weeks now, spending his days watering plants and fishing, for the most part. While he still didn’t have too much money, the fishing rod Willy had gifted him at been a big help in getting some much needed daily income. While he still didn’t have power in his cabin, he at least had a date by which he was supposed to have it.

He let his gaze wander over the ocean, breathing in the air of the gem sea. While every day felt exhausting, he found that he quite liked spending so much time by the water. It felt like a balm to his weary soul in a way that was surprising and almost a little worrisome to himself.

He had never quite understood how much it had damaged him to live in the city.

In the previous night, he had woken in the certainty that his neighbor was beating his wife again, her cries barely audible over the loud music. he’d called the cops on them so many times…

_Wonder what happened to her..._

Sometimes he closed his eyes, seeing the glistering of the city lights buzz between them, that aggressive blue that never let one sleep quite right, the thundering of trains through tunnels nearby…

All those people everywhere.

He shuddered.

No, going back there already didn’t seem like an option anymore.  
Robert felt another fish tug at the line. He moved backwards, trying to reel it in, surprised by the force of the animal. When he finally got it out of the water, the slobbery mass of scales hit him right in the face. He fell backwards, letting out a yelp, trying to get the slimy-salty mass out of his face, feeling a sharp pain in his nose. He slapped the fish which appeared to be stuck to his hair and his nose. He felt panic rush through him fast – the fish had bitten his nose and wouldn’t let go! He tried to calm down, trying to grasp the animal, but it was slippery and his fingers couldn’t keep it still.

Somewhere behind him, he heard steps approaching quickly. 

“Hey, you need help?!” 

Not someone he’d met before… He would have remembered the voice...

Robert made a spluttering, panicked sound, pointing at the fish to explain what was bothering him. He heard a quiet, half-suppressed chuckle while another pair of hands brushed his briefly. “Hold on, stay still...” Robert felt the fish stop some its movements, the pain in his nose easing. The stranger made a quiet, somewhat worried sound. “Okay... some of your hair is tangled in its jaw and its still biting you in the nose a little. I will jam its mouth open some more and then you get the hair out, okay? Then you should be okay...”  
Robert wheezed a little. He would have nodded if he could but his head was still a bit occupied and he wasn’t quite in the position to speak…  
He felt around the fish for a moment, trying not to linger on the strangers hands, making his way to the jaw. His hair was indeed stuck between the beasts teeth. Robert let another yelp as he felt them, mortified the thing had teeth in the first place. “It… it has giant teeth...” he pressed out, trying his best to get the hair out. He felt blood run down his face and started getting worried how badly his nose had been mangled. “Okay, I… I think I’m free...”

The fish was pulled back from his face and he could finally see again. He placed his hands on his nose immediately, feeling around for the wound, trying to put pressure on it. “Ow, Ouch, aargh...” His hands had blood on them now and the wound was burning and stinging in very unhealthy ways. 

Robert closed his eyes for a second, trying to center himself to get back enough composure to thank the stranger. He heard a small, blunt noise and opened his eyes. 

The stranger was crouching in front of him and Robert felt like having a heart attack at the sheer intensity of the situation.  
The person looked like the man-made cliché of a rather young literature professor. The most luxuriously long hair Robert had ever seen on anyone, framing a strong-jawed face with, at this time, worried green eyes.

Robert almost dropped his blood-soaked hands, stunned. He felt a bit of blood run into his mouth and closed it quickly, working to get the dizzy feeling out of his head, still riding high on adrenaline. “T-Thank you. That…. Frankly, that was terrifying.”

The stranger nodded, seeming genuinely concerned. “That thing had some mean teeth. I believe its a fluke – pricey fish but very evil to towards the fisher. Do you think you can get up?”

Robert nodded, leaning heavy on one knee. He felt dizzy. The stranger got up, offering him a hand which he took gratefully. “Whoa!” The dizzyness increased rapidly and he felt both thankful and embarrassed to feel the strangers hand on his arm steadying him. “Everything's swimming...”, Robert mumbled, unsure on how to proceed, his vision unfocused.

“Stay calm. We should get you to a doctor right away.”  
They made their way across the beach slowly, the stranger holding Roberts arm, guiding him towards the town. He had grabbed his bucket too which Robert was strangely touched by.

He’d rarely been cared for by anyone in any way. And now a stranger was helping him find a doctor because he had been too stupid to get away from a goddamn fish.

They reached the small clinic beside Pierres general store and the stranger ushered him in, guiding him towards a row of chairs, putting his bucket down beside him. Then he went to talk to the nurse for a moment before coming back. “Alright… I told the nurse to get the doctor for you. I’m sure they’ll take good care of you, - Dr. Harvey is a very good physician. Personally, I would be on my way now, okay?”

Robert still felt a bit dizzy and uncertain but never in a million years wanted to undue trouble the other one even more. “Thank you for getting me here… and saving me from that thing. I’m not sure.. how I would have managed. Oh, and I’m Robert, by the way...” he felt his face getting hot again and was mildly glad that the blood probably made it less obvious.

The stranger gave him a kind smile, his eyes sparkling. “Ah yes… the new Farmer who moved into Copperhead-farm, right? I suppose that explains why I didn’t recognize you… I’m Elliot. I live in the small cabin at the beach. Now if you’ll excuse me...”

Robert remembered something, grabbing his fish-bucket. “Wait, just a moment...” He rummaged through it as well as he could with one hand, till he found the haul from his crab pot earlier, holding it out. “I don’t know if you’ll like this but I figure its the only thing I can give you as a thank you right now...”

Elliot smiled at him, delighted. “I actually love those cranky sea-monsters. Thank you so much. I hope you’ll feel better soon.” He took his lobster, gave him a friendly wave and away he went.

Robert stared at the door. His ears were glowing hot, his nose was burning, bloody and felt like it had started swelling. His heart thrummed so strong he felt like he was vibrating and he was sure he smelled intensely of fish and salt-water.

What a day.


	3. Unnerving thoughts

Robert was cold when he woke up. He sat up, wheezing, rubbing his upper arms, trying to get warm. 

His nose stilll burned and felt swollen but at leas he had the secure knowledge that there were antibiotics on the house, hoping they would prevent him from simply dying from a stupid fish attack.

He thought back of the stranger at the pier, warm giddiness crawling through him. ‘Elliot’ he’d said, his name was…

 _I wonder what he does for a living… he did say he lives in the cabin at the beach..._

Robert smiled, amused by the addendum to the cliché. 

_Man with a dressing style from the last century with long hair, living at the beach..._

He tried to tell himself that he found this thought more amusing then endearing when intense green eyes seemed to pierce his soul, straight out of his memory. Robert felt his face go hot, suddenly picturing Elliot in a more peaceful setting than he’d seen him in, standing at the beach, wind blowing through his long reddish hair, sun on his face…

Robert put his hands on his face in embarrassment, yelping when he touched his nose. He cursed, running down to the bathroom, wishing desperately for something cold on his face. He turned on the water, glad that at least that worked, and rinsed a small washcloth under the icy stream, wishing to press it on his face when he realized his mistake-

He still had bandages on his face. 

He couldn’t take them off right now, Dr Harvey had said it would need to stay like this 3 days and he was to rest too!

Robert made a number of frustrating sounds, grumbling and cursing as he walked back upstairs from the dingy darkness. What little he had been able to see form the bathroom in the light of his torch hadn’t looked to pleasant so far, so he had made due with sponge baths through the week, glad he had brought a small camping stove from the city which allowed him to heat at least a little bit of water.

_Great, no hard working today… but I need to water my crops, there's no way around it. Maybe if I take breaks all the time?_

He remembered his medication, picking it up from the table where he had dropped it the night before. Antibiotics and Ibuprofen. He was supposed to eat something before taking all that but he knew he was out of food and he had given Harvey most of his money. He had made back a little bit with the fishes he sold afterwards, but it still wasn’t much and how long was he supposed to rest himself anyway?

Robert sighed, thinking. One of the townspeople had told him that there was lots of things to forage this time of year. Foraging wasn’t exhausting, was it?

He walked out, noting how sensible he was to the fresh wind on his face, cursing himself again, there and then. Yes, it had lead him to meet this…  
He tried to normalize his thoughts and feelings for a moment, giddy, unreasonable and undefined emotions burbling up.  
_You were terrified and he helped you, that's all. You’re having an abnormally high reaction because you don’t know anyone here. It will go away. Just… Just be normal about this._  
He took another breath, walking south towards Marnies ranch.

The fish incident had lead him to meeting Elliot, who seemed, all in all, like a friendly person. He was happy to have made his acquaintance, though he had certainty wished it had been even a tiny bit less embarrassing than wildly flailing his arms, half-lying on the ground, pointing at a fish stuck to his face while blood came sprinkling out of him like a small fountain.

Robert closed his eyes, sighing again. 

The embarrassment would die down, wouldn’t it? Surely, it had to. Right?

He walked towards the forest, keeping his eyes open for anything to forage. 

After searching for what felt like forever, he’d found a leek and two morels, pondering if it would be enough to get him through the day. He knew that he would need to eat something at night to be able to take his medication, so starvation for dinner wasn’t an option. But this amount just wouldn’t do and he was afraid about going fishing again, literally still painfully aware of the previous days’ events.

He checked how much money he had, calculating. If he bought a carton of eggs and some really cheap bread and kept foraging in the next few days, he would maybe, MAYBE be okay. In a week, his first spring harvest would be ripe. Harvesting it all would be an enormous pain, but if he could sell it all, he would maybe finally have enough to be able to eat a bit more regularly.  
His stomach growled audibly. Robert sighed, settling on his plan.

He walked towards Pierre's, trying not to notice the looks the villagers gave him as he walked by with his giant bandage around his head. 

He greeted them of course, knowing that good manners were important in a small community, but he didn’t talk to anyone beyond small talk. 

Walking into Pierre's he was once again mildly shocked by the prices in the little establishment. 

He had put that aspect into his calculations, but it was still an insane price range and if he didn’t hate Joja with all his heart, he might have considered going there. 

He picked out a carton of the cheapest eggs when a familiar voice greeted him: “Robert! Good to see out and about. How’s your nose?” Elliot gave him a friendly smile and Robert was glad the bandage was still covering much of his face. “Uhm, Hi Elliot. Uhm… the nose is fine.” He realized how obviously untrue this was, adding; “I mean… its as fine as it can be. Thank you again. Dr Harvey stitched me up and gave me some meds. I’ll get the stitches out in a few days and should be fine then.”  
“Marvelous! Well, I’ll be on my way, then! Take care!”  
Robert tried giving a casual wave, looking back down on his eggs as if he was checking them for being whole. His heart was hammering in his chest and he wished desperately he would stop feeling so stupid.

Since meeting him, he had maybe exchanged a total of 20 words with the man. He knew next to nothing about him! A reaction like this was so thoroughly unwarranted that he felt like he was supposed to just die of being ridiculous.

Robert took a breath, selecting the cheapest wholegrain-bread he could find and went to the counter.  
Maybe, just, MAYBE he would be able to get some work done after his breakfast. And painkillers.


	4. Crushing waves

Two weeks went by and Robert had barely seen Elliot again since their encounter in the supermarket, safe for a quick wave at the egg festival. The burbling feelings had started to ease, making him hope that it really had just been a weird reaction to an intense situation. It was only a few days until he would finally be able to bring in his first harvest, hoping that it would help him make some improvements to the farm. 

He watered his plants and he decided to do some foraging. Recently he’d found that there were many wild spring onions growing near the river and he wondered how far they spread. Walking down the path he already spotted some mushrooms and wild dandelions, suitable for a light lunch. He followed the trail going east along the cliffs, 

_Maybe I could try getting a coop. I’m not sure how much money I will get but it might be enough.. Having my own chickens would be nice..._

He had always heard that fresh-laid eggs tasted much better than store bought and was eager to see if it was true. Besides, it would give him a daily source of food – as long as he remained able to feed the chickens. He had already commissioned Robin to build a silo for him, now standing tall and stable beside the farm house, and he had started drying weeds and grass to prepare for whichever time he would maybe be able to afford the actual coop.

As he made his way across the small plateau, he saw a familiar figure sitting on the ground by the abyss, leaned back against a large rock.

Elliot appeared to be staring into the sea, hugging his legs, a crumbled piece of paper in his hands.

Robert slowly made his way across the path, unsure if he shouldn’t just turn and walk away, leaving the man to his own thoughts. Some people preferred being alone with their problems, but Robert had never been good about not approaching troubled people…

“Uh, hi...”, he greeted quietly, raising a hand in an uncertain greeting.

Elliot looked up at him, startled, his eyes bloodshot and dreary. “Oh. Hi. Er...” He looked away for a moment, rubbing his eyes with his sleeve, looking back with a look that mostly seemed like shy sadness. “I apologize. I’m afraid I’m not in much of a state to converse at this time.”

Robert nodded. “I understand… uhm. Look, I know you don’t know me, but… I can go if you want to be alone. But… I can… You can talk to me, you know?” He approached another step, giving him a questioning look, trying to swallow his nervousness.

_He’s clearly upset so don’t behave like a smitten schoolgirl and be a goddamn normal person!_

Elliot stared at him, his gaze wavering. “I...” He shook his head slowly. “No, I couldn’t impose..:” He made a throwaway gesture, looking down.

Robert took a step back. “It wouldn’t be an imposition...” he said quietly. “I… can always listen.”

Elliot looked back at him, his eyes widening, his jaw clenching in a sad grimace. He put his hands over his eyes, his head bowed. “It’s stupid..” he mumbled. He took his hand down, letting his head sink back against the rock, finally stretching out his legs. He made a vague gesture, inviting Robert to sit near him, grimacing still. “It’s… my parents. They sent me this letter.” He waved the crumpled paper around, clearly angry. Robert had sat down across from him, listening as the writer continued. “They’re asking if I’ve had enough of this ‘underprivileged life’ yet. If my ‘thirst to rebel’ is now quenched.” He let his hands sink, his shoulders sagging. “… if I’ve given up on my childish dream yet.”

Robert gave him a concerned look to which Elliot replied with a bitter smile. “Oh Robert, you don’t know how truly vain I am yet… Frankly, I’m a ridiculous person… Before I continue, may I inquire what your life back in the city was like? Why you left? Forgive my arrogant bravado but it will give me better ways to accentuate how truly absurd of a person I am.”

Robert blinked, rubbing one of his arms nervously. If the other man wasn’t so upset he could really enjoy this setting. They were sitting on a sunny spring morning on a cliff by the ocean. Beside him sat a beautiful man, willing to have an actual conversation with him. It could be nice if he wasn’t so distressed at the others apparent desolation.

Robert thought a moment, trying to figure out what would be enough to paint a clear picture without taking forever to explain. “I… grew up in a tiny flat in Zuzu city. My parents worked hard for very little money. I started working as early as I could, but, I… I had some… trouble with college and ended up doing a terrible call-center job at Joja for 3 years. Pretty soul-crushing. By the end I couldn’t even enjoy myself after hours anymore. All I could hear was the buzz of the phones, the noisy neighbors, the never ending noise of the city...” he had started staring into nothing as the scope of his old life came back to him.  
The grinding away of all his ambitions and goals, the slow abrasion of all his passions that used to mean so much to him. 

He sighed. “its hard to believe I was still there a couple of weeks ago.” He returned to the present, giving Elliot a small smile. “I hope that sufficiently… sets the stage for you.”

Elliot gave a sad chuckle, nodding. “Yes, thank you for indulging my vanity. See… I grew up in a big house with rich parents who wanted their son to be a lawyer in daddy's law-firm.” His voice grew more bitter with each word. “They only time they ever wanted to see me was to talk about my grades or when I was to perform music for their guests. Their perfect son with his elegant hands…” he looked put to the sea, his face sad. “After a while I began to rebel in my own way. They wanted me to always look proper, so I did. But instead of black and blue modern suits I got me turn-of the century and renaissance style fashion.” He smiled now, his face still sad but with a glint of happiness and a spark of defiance. “They wanted me to keep my hair well-cared for… but instead of keeping the edges all shaved and the style as modern as possible, I grew it out the way you see now, endeavoring to twist all their demands with malicious compliance...” He closed his eyes for a minute, taking a breath. “I… they were furious when they realized what I was doing of course. Had the butler shave my head, took away my vintage coats, my books...” he paused, looking at Robert. “I’m sorry. I’m… I’m abusing your patience. I just… I just get carried away sometimes.”

Robert shook his head. “Please… If you feel like talking will help, don’t stop for my account.” He was surprised how easy it was to talk now. “I’d like to know you better, and I never mind listening.”

Elliot gave him a conflicted look. “But… Surely it must seem like I’m a spoiled rich kid. I often think that. You come from a working class family, Robert… when you see me here, whining about how little old me had it oh-so-bad growing up rich in a big house because boo-hooh, my parents didn’t like my long hair… Doesn’t that make you feel like punching me just a little bit?”

Robert gave him a sad smile. “No… It… sounds terrible.” They exchanged a look. Elliots green eyes still looked sad but a quiet peace was spreading through it now and for a moment, they shared an understanding silence.

“What happened to you when they… when they did that do you? How old were you?” Robert asked, finally.  
Elliot sighed. “Too young to run away.” he looked down. “The next few years were...a bit dark. As soon as I was legally allowed to, I enrolled in a college far away to get my literature degree. I left in the middle of the night… Well, I actually got a job at a small cafe near campus first, then left in the middle of the night. The dogs did not like that… I made my way to college, hitchhiking. Convinced the owner of the café to let me sleep in the attic for a small fee. Gave me a chronic cough for the first year of college.” his face took on a tormented look.  
“Got a letter from them after a year. To ‘seize my foolery’ and get back home at once or they’d disown me. Which they did. Their lawyers letter came two weeks later.” he shrugged. “I don’t...” he squeezed his eyes tight suddenly, rubbing his sleeve against them again. “I… I’d like to say I don’t care what they think. Sadly, I still do. I’ve been living here for a year. Trying to scrape my mind together to come up with the great novel I want to write. But I look out at the sea every day, writing my little sonnets or the column pieces I do occasionally… yet no muse finds it in their heart to bless me with ideas for a novel.” He sighed, waving the letter around. “This is the second letter I got from them since leaving home. And all they have to say, is...” His voice had broken during the sentence and if they weren’t still basically strangers, Robert would have hugged him then and there. Like an aimless ship adrift at sea, Elliot's eyes seemed to be lost and far away, green emeralds in an ocean of despair.

Robert desperately tried to come up with something to say or do as the silence began to stretch uncomfortably. Parents were such a sensitive topic that it was always hard to know what would be the thing someone needed to hear and what might insult them, sometimes the same line having the both effects. He wrestled with himself for a moment, then awkwardly gave Elliot's shoulder a hopefully reassuring pat on the arm. “As I see it… your parents tried to… ‘design’ an heir, expecting you to be a puppet in their plans, not a person with real opinions, hopes or dreams. I know its hard, but… from what you tell me, it really sounds like you made the right decision, setting out on your own like that.”  
Elliot nodded slowly, his gaze still fixed to the sea. “Maybe...” He sighed, straightening himself, looking back at him. “Hey, what kind of books do you like to read? You mentioned earlier that you do… read, I mean.”

Robert nodded, thinking. “I like books that don’t try too hard to peak my interest, inviting me to the story but not trying to force it. I like sentences that are joyful to read by their usage of words and stories that endeavor to covey something larger than its contents.” he gave a shy smile. “Or maybe I just like all kinds of books really, sorry. I enjoy mystery and fantasy and science fiction and really, anything interesting that comes my way. If its well written, why shouldn’t any book deserve a chance?”  
Elliot smiled, starting to look more at ease. “Maybe I shouldn’t focus on what the larger genre would be too much… Maybe creating a character first and finding what motivates them might help me find drive...hmm.”

Robert gave him a smile, happy to see him more relaxed. While he couldn’t get rid of the buzzing sensation in his stomach around Elliot, he felt himself grow more relaxed in general. Regardless if they became in any way closer or not, he felt a new kinship with the man, a deeper understanding of who he was and why. Suddenly his whole look didn’t seem the least bit silly any more. It felt more like a declaration to the world; Here I am and I won’t hide. Here I am, being my own person, not anyones puppet.

Robert felt his face go hot again, watching as the writer picked out a notepad from a pocket, furiously starting to scribble down notes. The sudden energy paired with the glint of inspiration truly made him a mesmerizing sight…

Elliot dropped the notepad, giving Robert a big smile. “Sorry. I really had to write that down.” He took a breath, tension visibly leaving him. “I cannot thank you enough for listening to my platitudes – and offering good opinions on top of it. I… I don’t remember the last time someone really listened to me like that. If ever.”

Roberts innards melted to a happy goo as he tried not to explode in a grin bigger than the ocean. He nodded his head, smiling shyly instead. “As strange as it may sound, it was pretty interesting, actually. I don’t know anyone else in the valley yet… Now I feel like I understand what kind of person you are, at least. So, I was happy to listen.”

Elliot beamed. “Then I guess I’ll have to make the effort to learn as much about you in the future as you just learned about me, to even the odds… But for now I will have to follow this glint of inspiration you’ve given me.” he padded his notepad. “Only...” He looked down at the letter in his hand again, showing his teeth a moment. “Might I be so impertinent to request one last favor?”

“Sure.”

“Might you… take this letter from me and toss it in the sea? Weak mind that I am, I cannot find the strength to do it, still bound by sentimental,-”

Robert snapped the letter away from him, holding it out for a second to give Elliot a chance to intervene. The writer looked surprised for a moment but then nodded, grimly.  
Robert picked up a stone, wrapping the paper around it and tossed it as far as he could.  
They watched the hateful scrap make its way through the air, vanishing in the water with a splash, taking its darkness with it.


	5. Saloon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With the day of his harvest drawing nearer, Robert decides to have a proper dinner for once...

It was the day before his harvest and his electricity was finally on, allowing him an amazing view of a terrible bathroom. Not only was it small and moldy in some corners, it was also 60s beige-green design that hadn’t been popular since Roberts parents were born. The urge to scrub every goddamn inch of this terrible place had almost been overwhelming, but he was going to spend the entire next day harvesting and he sure as hell didn’t want to start the day exhausted already.

Robert sighed, settling on giving the most appliances a quick scrub and leaving the mold undisturbed for a moment. He wasn’t even sure he could get rid of it safely anyway. This bathroom had no windows – ventilating it would be a problem in general and not for the first time he wondered what a maniac thought to build this bathroom underground instead of putting it on even level with the rest of the small hut.  
_I mean, did you buy the property with the bathroom in the ground and decide to build a cabin on top of it, grandpa? Goddamn..._

Following his conversation with Elliot the day before, he had felt strangely light and happy. It didn’t ease any of the complicated and confusing notions he had towards the writer, but it made him feel a bit less awkward and like his affection towards him was actually based on something other than base impulses.

His heart still beat faster when he thought back to the moment, though. Sitting there with him, talking, wind blowing through Elliot's long hair… As much as he had hated to see the writer suffer like he did, as much as it actually despaired Robert to hear what the man had had to go through, he couldn’t deny that the almost poetic sadness he had been oozing that day had given his beauty a strangely fine, serene quality,-  
Robert realized his thoughts were trailing off again. He sighed, rubbing his face, focusing on the present.

He had decided to spend a little of his hard-earned money on a decent dinner this night. Sleeping with a filled stomach and eating a big breakfast seemed essential to him if he was going to get all of his harvest done in a day. Parsnips, potatoes, beans, cauliflowers… Overall, he had planted 9 different crops over several days, most of them supposedly ripe by the next day. He wasn’t sure how well he would manage. The strawberry's especially seemed like a pain. He hadn’t been able to afford many saplings but he knew they would at least sell at a good price,-

if they sold, that was.

Which was the part he was genuinely afraid of. Lewis had explained to him that he could just place all of his produce in the shipping container near the path to the bus stop and he would come pick it all up and forward it to bigger sellers, but he wasn’t sure how much faith he had in the systems. What if that was all a giant scam? What if he put all his hard work in there and never saw a red penny of it? 

Robert walked into town, somewhat nervous to reach the saloon. It was Friday night – how packed would it be? There weren’t too many people living in this town – a little over twenty, maybe? But if all of them showed up at the saloon at the same evening, it would be a little crowded.

He heard some music and a lot of voices from the inside, driving up his nervousness. While it would probably be good for him to get a bit more used to the company of some people again, he really hoped no-one would try to make too much conversation. While he liked getting to know new people, spots like this didn’t seem like the best place to do so. He would prefer a quiet library over the best bar in the world if the latter was packed with people.

He stepped in, warm light flooding the room. To his immediate right, Willy and the blacksmith stood. Wily gave him a nodded greeting. To his immediate left, Lewis was drinking with Marnie when he noticed him, approaching immediately. “Robert! There you are! I heard of that bad luck you had fishing last week, are you okay?”

Robert gulped, embarrassed that the number 1 thing he was asked was already the one thing he had hoped no-one would ever know about. “I,- uh..:”

Willy stepped up to them, looking interested. “Well, ya nose looks okay, just a bit mangled there.. still got that purple to it.”

Robert felt a little bit crowded, unsure how to respond. He noticed Pierre stepping in closer too, apparently trying to hear what was going on.

“I’m… better. Yeah… thanks?!”, he stammered, already regretting coming here.

“So how’s the farming going? Have you unearthed the old cave yet?” Lewis still stared at him with interest, the center of attention at this moment.  
_Old cave?! What the hell is he talking about?! And why are they all staring at me?!_ Truly he started to feel increasingly trapped, like all eyes were on him and he couldn’t escape-  
“Robert! There you are! We’re back here!” Elliot's voice cut through the crowd, making Roberts heart jump in his throat once again.

_Contain yourself, dammit!_

He looked to the left, finding Elliot approaching him, reaching out an arm towards and then suddenly half-dragging him away from the others. “We were wondering where you were.”, he said in the direction of the others, clearly intended for them to hear and less for Robert. Elliot guided him to a corner table all the way to the western side of the saloon, offering him a seat with a gesture while sitting down beside a young woman eating a salad. She looked up when they approached. “Hey! Hi Robert! You really looked like a deer in headlights back there.” She gave him a warm smile.

Robert sat down hesitantly, trying to calm his nerves. “Uh...y-yeah… Hi. Leah, right?” She nodded, picking up a piece of bell-pepper of her salad, putting it in her mouth.

Elliot gave him a smile, taking a sip of his drink. “We figured we couldn’t let you stay in that situation without intervening.”

“More like you figured you couldn’t...” Leah murmured towards Elliot, and Robert suddenly felt his ears burn again. He tried to ignore it as it probably meant nothing, steadying his breath, reminding himself that it was a normal thing to be around people and that there was no reason he suddenly couldn’t do so anymore after living in the country for two weeks. 

“I’m… I’m sorry. Moving here from the city made me… strangely even more socially awkward.” He looked down. “Thank you for getting me out of there, Elliot...” He tried to smile at him in the least embarrassing way possible. “I’m… not good with people in general. And.. when they… er.. when they come at me like that… uhm. I mean, I know they mean well, but...”

Elliot held up a hand, stopping him. “Don’t worry. We understand.” 

_We._

That simple word send a crushing wave of despair through him. _Of course_ those two were a couple. Of course a man like this wouldn’t remain single for long, ever. Robert felt like sinking into the ground. Sure, he hadn’t had had any real expectation towards Elliot, he had known it was a silly, baseless emotion that had been nourished only through his own loneliness and lack of social life, that one intense interaction festering inside his obscure little brain, a spark nourished when they had that conversation by the cliff…

Those two even _looked_ like they were made for each other.

Robert took a breath, giving them a smile. “Well, that makes the second time you have saved me, Elliot. If you haven’t already eaten I’d like to buy you dinner- to thank for it. Though, er- of course, I don’t know, uh,-” He looked to Leah, still munching on her salad, smiling through the leaves.  
Elliot seemed to think for a moment. “Well, as an unknown artist I’m never one to pass on a free meal… but I don’t want you to think you’re in my debt. I helped you out because I know what its like...” he paused for a moment, looking sad for just a moment. “...to not quite belong. Besides, I think you have done more than enough for me already. So we’ll be happy to have your company and please don’t feel forced to get me anything.”

Robert nodded, getting up to the counter, looking at the menu.

What would Elliot like?

Aside from drinks, the variation wasn’t great. Spaghetti, pizza, salad, bread…

His eyes flashed to the bottom, noting the daily special; Tom Kha soup. Coconut, mushrooms, shrimp… 

His mouth watered. He ordered two, along with a pizza to go, setting him back quite a bit. Waiting for just a few minutes, he placed the bowls of soup on the pizza box, marching back to the table. “Well, I got you something anyway. Hope you like Tom Kha soup.”

Elliots face lit up. He chuckled, taking the offered bowl, a happy look on his face. “Marvelous! I do indeed love this soup. I thank thee for supporting the arts.”

The three of them spend most of the conversation about arts, Leah telling them about the sculpture she was working on, Elliot speaking of his thoughts on character building and how he was trying to figure out their motivations.

An enjoyable night, all in all. After the earlier tension had passed, Robert found he did actually enjoy himself. Both of them were interesting, friendly people and in a way, he was relieved Elliot had a girlfriend. It would prevent Robert from interpreting any normal friendliness between them as anything but that. 

Friendly gestures between acquaintances. 

Maybe friends, down the line.

Around 9pm he made his excuses, citing his early harvest as a reason to leave. He walked down, the pizza in his hands, trying to feel positive about the evening. He had been out in public, having a hot, nourishing meal, starting to make real connections with some of the people living here.  
But as much as he told himself that all this was good and that he never had had any real feelings for Elliot to begin with, just physical attraction and circumstantial infatuation…His heart remained heavy. 

He tried to sleep but he couldn’t stop thinking about the evening, replaying small moments in his mind, looking for different interpretations of what had been said or done by whom, cursing himself a fool every once in a while.  
He needed his sleep. He needed to be fit in the morning to bring in his crops. Silly crushes be damned.


	6. Dizzy

Elliot woke with a strange feeling of uncertainty within him. Usually he felt rather focused when getting up – putting on clothes as quick as possible, his time at the writing desk in the wee hours of the morning were usually his most productive ones. When it was still dark outside, when the birds were starting their crescendo in the trees and the beach came alive with the snapping crabs, that's when his mind was most alight. When the world was quiet of people.

Yet, this morning he felt strangely.. distracted. His mind wandered back to the previous night.

He’d immediately noticed when Robert had come in. he didn’t quite remember if he had been watching the door for something or just looked there by chance, but even through the crowd of people he had spotted him immediately. It was less about how he looked and more about the kind of person he was. How he entered a room, how he moved, the sense of who he was. Almost like he could sense his presence, somehow…

Elliot got up, his mind still at the saloon. He had seen the others crowd into Roberts personal space and knew the signs of someone about to bolt, overwhelmed by sudden social pressure… And he really hadn’t wanted Robert to leave.

He snorted, thinking of Leahs comment to the whole situation.

_Well, don’t you seem awfully worried for the new guy..._

She had giving him that sly look that let him know she was making fun, but he’d felt strangely attacked by it, even though he was just looking out for his fellow socially awkward man…

_Well but it was a nice night, anyway. Time to clear my head and get to writing._

He sat down at his desk, trying to come up with something for the Stardew column. They valleys newspaper didn’t pay much for his occasional contributions, but it was money he could make writing and he always jumped at that chance.

He tried thinking of the current political state, usually trying to ingrate some of it into these pieces when his mind wandered back to the other day when he’d seen Robert at the cliff.  
That reassuring, kind look on his face while he listened to him pour his heart out… The angry glimmer when he spoke about his parents The way sunlight caught on his rugged face-  
 _What..._   
Elliot blinked.   
He felt a warm, fuzzy feeling bloom within him, reaching to his face.  
Robert had seemed genuinely concerned for him, seemed to genuinely feel for what he had gone through. While Elliot was on good terms with Leah, he had never felt this heard, this understood when he’d spoken with her. Why did it feel that different with that rugged-looking, blue-eyed-  
Elliot buried his face in his hands, sighing exasperated.

“Goddamn...Okay… nrgh. Stay calm… its okay...” He took a deep breath. He had been through this before. Getting a small crush.. It… happened. All he had to do was to not feed it and wait for a few days.

Or weeks.

It would go away eventually, right? Right.

He tried to focus on writing once more and not at that look the man had given him when they shared the silence at the cliff, when it felt like he could have told him anything and he would have understood, would have been okay knowing his most embarrassing fears and thoughts and still gravitate towards him-  
“Fuck.” He let out another unnerved groan, getting up, realizing he wasn’t going to get anywhere like this.

Feelings outside of books were not for him. So not. It never ended well, never! Becoming friends with someone? He could consider.. maybe.. doing that. Leah and him were probably friends. Maybe. He wasn’t sure. He tried not to think about it too much. His emotions had been used against him so many times, he couldn’t tell anymore when it made sense to listen to them.  
Having a crush…  
Terrifying.

\------------------------------------------

Robert gorged down his cold pizza, following it up with antibiotics. He’d almost jumped into his clothes when getting up, eager to start the work, desperately needing something to occupy his mind.

He felt like he was buzzing with feelings and it got worse everyday.

_Maybe this is like the detox from the numbness of the city. You haven’t really felt for so long, maybe you’re going into overdrive now, jumping at the chance to feel anything for anyone..._

He wished the hot feeling would go away. It really started to make him uncomfortable. Last night he’d put a cold towel on his face trying to get it to stop, only to make him think about how it would feel to have Elliot take care of him, putting a cool towel on his cheek, stroking his face... Robert cursed his knowledge of those delicate fingers, still remembering the brief moment he had touched them while trying to get that fish off his face.

His face flushed anew, this time in embarrassment.

All of this was so insanely stupid.

He drank a glass of water and went outside, ready to harvest his crops.

Row after row he dug out the crops, parsnips, potatoes, parsnips, potatoes…

After a while he switched, doing rows of the same produce for a while hoping it would fasten the process but strangely enough it only seemed to make his motions more sluggish as the same goddamn plant followed the same cursed crop and drove him mad. The mid-spring sun burned on his back and face, making the bite in his nose itch and burn again. It was healing well, the purple finally having vanished with this day, leaving behind just a thin red cut across his nose.

_Who’d have thought the spring sun could get so hot? I should have gotten some sunscreen_

He kept working, trying to take breaks in between but the rows seemed never ending and the desire to finally be done kept him working longer and more hectic than maybe seemed wise. 

_Not sure if this is what you imagined when you bequeathed this place to me, grandpa.._

By midday, he collapsed in the shadow of a tree, trying to focus on breathing. He was hot and sweaty, feeling like he couldn’t take another step for now.   
Doing this by himself was stupid, he realized that now.

He should have asked one of the younger townspeople for help, perhaps hire them for the day – surely Sam or Alex wouldn’t have minded making a few bucks off a day’s hard work, would they have? He tried not to think of the possibility that he could have asked Elliot, his imagination conjuring up a rather intense image showing Elliot clad in a rather thin shirt, drenched in sweat, smiling at him in the sun…

If he hadn’t already half-collapsed, he felt he should have just from thinking something like that. But his breathing grew heavier, noting that he felt dizzy and his muscles seemed like they were filled with lead. He had left his water bottle by the house and hoped he wasn’t about to pass out when he suddenly couldn’t keep awake any longer.

\-----------------------------------------------

Elliot walked through the forest, frustrated.  
He couldn’t stop feeling like this. Couldn’t stop the nervous buzz, the daydreaming, couldn’t stop his face getting flushed each time he caught himself wondering what it would have been like meeting Robert in another life, what kind of man he had been in the city. 

Earlier he had conjured up an entire scenario separate from all parts of this reality; he himself being a washed-out bartender in some underground club, trying to pay his way through college, meeting Robert as a quiet regular who was always reading books, both of them stealing glances of each other occasionally… Then it broke apart, someone harassing Elliot about having long hair when Robert stepped in, standing between them, telling them off, his strong shoulders squared as if ready to fight them…  
Then he realized what he was thinking and damn near smashed his head into a tree.  
...The thought returning, Robert turning, placing a hand on his cheek, asking if he was okay, his blue eyes shining…  
Elliot groaned in frustration.  
 _Why am I such a mess?_

He sighed, sitting down at a tree trunk, laying his head on his knees. 

Why was he like this?

He knew, of course. To a degree, he was quite aware why he was the way he was – no love from his parents, always the loner in school, the weird kid, the long-haired fancy pants with the complicated words and no friends.

He knew he was starved for attention – starved for love, really. But he never had had any luck trusting people too much. The world had shown him time and time again that nobody loved him, cared for him. 

And probably, nobody ever would.

He sighed, the moment at the cliff coming back, haunting him.

_I should just… I should just do it. Rip off the bandage. Tell him that I like him and that I’m just telling him so the situation will be cleared up and my head will calm down. Take the pain. In a few weeks, I’ll be back to normal. Channeling my energy into words again._

He started stumbling out of the forest, towards Roberts farm, nervous energy making him almost sick. He hadn’t been there in quite some time, really only stopping by about a week ago to check out if it had changed much since Robert had first moved in.

He crossed the line to the property, marveling at the landscape for a moment. It really was a nice plot with lots of trees, beautiful wide grass pastures and, if he could see it right, the river making its way through the property, somewhere out west.

He knew it was the day of the harvest so Robert would be quite busy. Maybe he wouldn’t even have time to look at him. That would make it easier. He would just… tell him to keep working and listen for a moment and then he’d tell him…

...he’d tell him…

...what, exactly?

He stopped dead in his tracks, unsure of what it even was that he felt.

It was a crush. Yes. He felt giddy and thought way too much about him. Maybe felt attracted to him. 

Didn’t quite know.

_Why do I have so many words for all the thoughts and feeling of men but when it concerns my own, I find myself lacking in even knowing what it is that moves me?_

Maybe this was a mistake. Maybe he should just be patient. This could still turn into a friendship, right? He hadn’t been too lucky with those either, but Robert seemed like a good person and he had said that he’d like to get to know him better, that he knew no one else in the valley…

Elliot looked up from his shoes, thinking, when he noticed a strange mass under a tree, not too far from him. He blinked for a moment, trying to un-see what he thought he was seeing…  
Robert, slumped on the ground, looking a bit too much of a mess to lie there on purpose, his face red and,-  
He ran over while his brain still tried communicating details. Getting there, He found the man breathing heavy, drenched in what seemed like increasingly drying sweat. “Robert? Can you hear me? Robert?” He hated how insecure his voice sounded, how he almost felt like swallowing all his words at being so close, his hand on his face-

_This is medical! Stop feeling like that! He needs help!_

Roberts eyes fluttered open, unfocused, looking through him.  
Elliot tried staying calm. He gave his shoulder a squeeze. “I’m going to get you some water, okay? I’ll be right back, alright?”  
The man gave a weak nod and Elliot sped towards the farm house, hoping it was actually open and he wouldn’t have to go looking for a key. 

His hand shook as he pushed open the door, relieved at finding it open. He tried to navigate quickly- no kitchen, one door- he grabbed an empty bottle on a table, expecting a bathroom behind the door but finding a dark staircase. He blinked, switching the light on, making his way down. There hung, what seemed to be a clean washcloth in the dingy bathroom which he wet under the cool water, hoping it would bring relieve to the man, unsure how exactly to treat dehydration. He filled up the bottle, remembering the fluke biting Robert the previous week. The blood, the swelling, the ugly purple color he’d still had the day before…

_Oh yoba, please don’t let it be blood poisoning..._

He finished filling up the bottle, rushing back up and outside. He didn’t know much about medicine and had no illusions about the way books bend the truth behind diseases if it fit the story. But becoming septic after a bad infection was a real thing- sure, as far as he knew, Harvey had given him antibiotics, but had Robert taken them? Had he eaten enough for his body to have the strength to properly process them?

He arrived back, finding the man with closed eyes again. He carefully patted his face. “Hey. Wake up.”, he felt his throat and found a strong but slow pulse. “Okay… I’m gonna sit you up against the tree so you can drink something, okay?” Robert gave a weak nod. Elliot grabbed his shoulders, lugging him closer to the tree, resting him against the trunk. Then he took the washcloth and placed it in Roberts neck. The man let out a small sigh which Elliot took as a good sign. “Okay, now I’m gonna put the bottle to your mouth and you’re gonna take small sips, okay? Don’t rush it, okay?” He searched his eyes, looking for a sign of confirmation, before raising the bottle.

Robert drank slowly. Elliot kept taking the bottle down, waiting for him to process. After a while Robert tried grabbing the bottle but Elliot blocked his hand. “Say you won’t guzzle all the rest of it in one go.”  
Robert gave him a weak look. “won’t.”  
“You won’t say it?”  
Robert gave him a weak, lopsided smile. “won’t… guzzle.”  
Elliot smiled back softly, handing him the bottle.

Robert drank, slow and steady while Elliot took the washcloth from his neck, wagging it through the air to get it cool again, putting it on Roberts forehead. The man let the bottle sink, closing his eyes, giving a sigh of relief. With Roberts color improving, Elliot suddenly became aware how intimate all of this felt. He had a hand on Roberts shoulder, the other on his forehead with the washcloth. Robert had opened his eyes again, staring at him, blue eyes cloudy but clearly fixated on him.

 _Oh god. He must think I’m being weird. Oh no. Oh no, I’m making him uncomfortable..._   
His face had felt hot all over sudden, giddiness making it near-impossible to keep still, embarrassment making him feel sick. Robert probably felt incredibly uncomfortable having him this close and here he was getting lost in touching him while the other couldn’t do much about it.

He took both of his hands away, waving the washcloth again. “Its almost dry. If you finish the bottle I’ll go refill it for you again. I gotta be on my way again soon, I just… want to be sure you’ll be okay before I do.”

Robert emptied the bottle, holding it out, a weak smile on his face. “thank you.” His voice was still quiet and a bit weak but his smile seemed genuine.  
Elliot gave him a curt nod, grabbing the bottle, walking back to the house.

\------------------------------------------------------------------

Robert sat on the ground, stunned.  
When he’d woken, he thought he was dreaming. Elliot's hand on his face, soft fingers keeping him secure… then in his neck, then on his forehead, another hand on his shoulder, so safe…

_Why are you always around to safe me?_

He felt so warm. It had been forever that anyone had looked out for him…

Knowing he had a girlfriend made it both easier and so much harder at this point. He knew not to take this for anything it wasn’t, yet his heart had reveled in seeing those big green eyes focused all on him, so caring the elegant hand revitalizing him from the consequences of his own stupidity.

It really had been stupid.

He had no illusions about it and was actually fairly mad at himself. He knew he could have died if Elliot hadn’t found him. Taking the fields alone like that, insufficient breaks, not enough food, not enough water… It had been stupid.  
He looked out towards the crops. He had gotten about a fourth of the harvest done and by the looks of it, it was already late afternoon.

_Shit. So much for getting done in one day._

He tried getting his head together, noting that he was still dizzy but trying to get up again anyway. He stumbled across the field, checking the container. It was filled to two thirds. If he could get fit enough again to maybe fill it up all the way today still, then maybe…

“You’re not supposed to walk around yet.” Elliot had come back out of the farmhouse, giving him a stern look. He came up to him, pressing the filled bottle and the wet washcloth in his hand. “Sit down or you’ll fall over again.” Robert nodded insecure, sitting down on the steps of the farmhouse, shocked at the sudden harsh tone.

Had he imagined the earlier kindness? Had Elliot been annoyed at him this whole time, angered that he had to take care of his mess again?

Robert hung his head, avoiding his eyes. “I’m sorry… I know I’m only making trouble for you...”  
Elliot didn’t reply and Robert didn't dare look up at him, didn’t want to see the look that would go with this mood…  
“I… I promise to do better. You won’t… you won’t have to save me a fourth time.”

Elliot made a weird sound which Robert couldn’t quite place. Like he tried throwing a word out but swallowed it down hard. Robert heard him give a resigned sigh.  
“I was glad to be here to save you, Robert.”  
Robert looked up, Elliot looking at him concerned, sad, continuing: “I just...”

They stared at each other a moment. Elliot closed his mouth. He sighed. “Don’t try harvesting the rest of the crops today, Robert. Take it slow. They’ll still be good tomorrow and I won’t be around to save you then. Be well.” Elliot marched away, a strange aura of pain dragging after him. 

Robert stared after him, unable to understand. He felt that he had missed a vital piece of communication that had been in there, somewhere. But for the life of him – he could not say what it was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, I'm straight up ignoring the whole how-many-hearts-do-we-have-thing...


	7. Intermediary

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To avoid confusion: I changed the timeframe. I found that the Stardew calendar won't do if I'm having using weeks as a measurement because then a year will obviously just have 4 months, aaaand. no. So I hope I managed to change everythign accordingly and now Roberts been in town for 2 months.

Leah thought for a moment, color schemes and structures sliding through her mind as she remembered the details of the exhibition. She opened her eyes, smiling. “I think… It was the marsilian tapestries in the orange room. I really liked those – the whole composition speaks of exotic dreams and fantasies – ‘silver rivers under a desert cave’? ‘orange feet on the marble’? Those are some of the greatest works of art I’ve seen so far! I hope this exhibition gives Ruêl a bit more exposure. He deserves good things coming to him. What did you think?”

Elliot stared into nothing for a moment before looking back at her, mild confusion in his face.

They were in Leah's cabin – her, half lying on a bunch of pillows on her bed, him spread out on a giant beanbag, his arms behind his head. Leah had raised her head to see if he had even heard her, noting his increasing daydreaming as of late, wondering if he would finally have the courage to talk about it at one point.

Elliot blinked, clearly trying to focus. “Oh… Right. Yes, I agree. Ruêls impressions left a mark on me as well, though I preferred his ‘tale of a different moon’ to the orange collection.”

Leah nodded slowly, sitting up, giving him a calculated look. He was as well-dressed as ever, his hair clearly cared for, and yet, something had been off about him, lately.

“So, are you going to tell me whats going on?”

He gave her a puzzled look. “Whatever do you mean?”

“I mean the sighs, the daydreaming, the zooming out in the middle of conversations. That.”

Elliot blinked. “I Apologize. I did not wish to give offense. A muses gracious impulses are valued gifts and when I unearth one in my mind I must not squander,-”

“Oh, cut it.” She plucked a leaf from her dandelion, eating it. “You’re smitten and don’t know what to do about it.”

Elliot's face turned beet-red. Leah chuckled. His embarrassment was strangely adorable. He coughed, sitting up, rubbing his face for a moment, then almost forcefully put his hand down, clearly trying to get into a normal sitting position, thereby completely failing. “I… I don’t know what you mean. I’ve just been a bit...” he stared for a moment. “...preoccupied with my book, lately.”

“Oh, have you started writing?”

A deeper shade of red. “...yes.” His voice was very quiet and now he looked down, kneading his hands.

“Yes, you told me, you were going to look into what your characters motivations where going to be, and then see what would happen to them in a natural environment… “ She contemplated asking something crass to get out a reaction about what was truly going on, but then decided against it.

He really did look embarrassed. More than that.

He looked insecure. Scared, even.

When she first started getting to know him, she thought he was a pompous ass. Fancy words out the wazoo, pretentious clothes and all in all a living cliché. Then she’d heard him talk about books, how the different shades of allegories colored the readers perception when implemented at the beginning of a chapter and started getting more interested in his creative mind.

Then he’d gotten drunk with her one night. Breaking down about how afraid he was about any kind of friend- or relationship with anyone, convinced she didn’t want to be his friend anymore because now he had told her that.

And she’d realized why he was what he was. Wearing a shield of large words and antique behavior, he warded off people who would easily hurt him. Creating a space that would only let those in who didn’t care about such trivial matters and rather focus on a persons true merits. He hadn’t told her much, refusing to speak about it the next day, embarrassed she’d found out in the first place, but slowly and surely she had tried wearing down his armor, getting him to open up more and more…

Only it looked like someone else had pierced that armor in an entirely different way.

She gave a small sigh, getting up, sitting down next to him, laying an arm around him.  
He gave her a shocked look, making a confused sound.

“This is my arm around your back. Don’t get frightened of it, it won’t bite.”

“Er...okay. Why are you putting it there?”

“Because I want you to relax for a moment. And I know, you’re not. I know you’re not used to be touched but I can tell you really need to. I’m not trying to be anything but friends, I’m not going to force you to admit what I know you’re feeling for someone else in this town, but I want you to just sit here and try to understand that it can be normal to be close to other humans.”

They sat in silence for a bit.

She sensed that he was extremely nervous but tried to calm down. After what felt like an eternity, his breathing eased a little bit and his back went less rigid.

“I’m...” he stopped, thinking. “I don’t… know... how to be..normal.”

Leah nodded. “That's okay… I don’t either. I’m just differently not-normal than you.”

She gave him a small smile but he still wouldn’t meet her eyes. “I know you think… I’m the way I am to ward off people. And.. maybe that was true for a time. A long time. But… after living here for a bit, I realized, I like who I am.” He looked at her now, still strangely sad but no longer avoiding her gaze. “I like wearing ancient clothes, I like eloquently articulating my notions and opinions… I might have become this way because my environment wouldn’t let me be just a shy quiet kid in a corner, but…” He smiled. “Advertising my weirdness in everything I show outside at least lets me live without fear of anyone finding out how absurd I am. Because everyone already knows.”

Leah rubbed his back a moment, then got up and stretched her own. “Alright.. Now that we got that out of the way… Do you feel like you can talk about the ‘issue’ you have?”

Elliot buried his face in his hands again, his ears clearly showing a shade of red. “Do I have to?” He mumbled through his fingers.

“No, But maybe it would help...”

He groaned, tearing at his hair. “It’s… absurd, frankly. He’s been here two months. Two months! And I...”He sighed, leaning his head back a moment, still tearing at his hair. Then he stopped, looking at her like he was the victim of the greatest tragedy that had ever befallen mankind. “I cannot. Stop. Thinking about him. I’m doing it even now! Day and night, he’s on my mind. I barely managed to get my column for the Valley paper done. All else I can write is cheesy romance at this time and I though I’ve written an embarrassingly large amount of that, I fear I could never publish it even if I were to finish that novel, because, Oh, right, anyone who reads it will find clear as day that the protagonists feelings and desires are my very own!” He groaned frustrated. “What a terrible writer I am. Everyone knows not to put themselves in a story, not to influence characters too much with ones own desires and dreams. But I couldn’t help it! I think about him all the time! I worry if he’s okay, picture being by his side, imagine touching him… I needed an outlet because frankly, feeling this is driving me a little insane!” He took a deep breath, straightening his clothes. “I… apologize. I had not wished to… exert myself verbally the way I just did.”

Leah gave him a pained look, trying desperately not to smile. It was like watching a puppy-like teenager have his first big crush, not knowing what to do, embarrassed that anyone in the world could find out that he as a human being would do such a foolish thing as liking someone…

“So… forgive me for asking, but… Have you never been in love before? I mean… you are, twenty-five, I believe...”

Elliot looked down and to the side, his hands back in kneading-mode. “I… Well. I had some… flings, you might call it. In college.”

“Aaaand was that very different from this?”

Elliot nodded empathically, looking uneasy. He seemed to be thinking about it a moment. “None of those… involved what I’m feeling right now. What I’ve been feeling for weeks. I did have big crush on a guy there that went nowhere and,-” He looked uneasy. “Well, suffice to say, that I...” he shook his head. “I don’t appear to be made for… anything like that. I really just want to… not feel this, anymore.”

\------------------------------------------------------------------------

Two days later, Elliot lay in bed, feeling miserable.

He really hadn’t felt this way since his time in college. 

He did indeed have a few relationships back then. Two girls in somewhat quick succession. Both ending up cheating on him.

Both telling him he was too soft, too emotional, too fragile for them…

_”Who writes poems anyway? Try moving to this century.”_

_”...also, I mostly did it because I bet someone I could.. sorry, it was really easy...”_

He curled up, dragging the blanket above his head, unwilling to face the day only to end up not doing any writing anyway. At least, none that wouldn’t drive him deeper into this vortex of emotion.

He had had that really bad crush on one of the guys on the tennis team too. He remembered trying to befriend him, the team leading him on, having him belief he was becoming one of their peers…  
The guy he thought he had fallen for ended up not really existing in the first place. At least not how he’d imagined him to be. Nothing but lies and deceit, having a little fun with old ‘weird hairy’. 

_How long is this gonna take to get out of my system?_

By now, it had been yet another week since he’d last seen Robert. He had heard around town that he had apparently finished harvesting somehow, ordering a coop at robins. Soon he was going to start keeping animals, probably giving him a bit of a more steady source of income.

_Maybe he’ll take better care of himself then._

It had been difficult for him to leave the man alone on his steps, that day. He still felt dizzy at the memory of finding him on the ground like that. Collapsed, dehydrated… A feast for the crows, really. 

Would anyone have checked on him if he hadn’t come by?

He could have died.

Elliot tried not to think about that too much, getting out of bed with a groan.

The Flower dance was tomorrow. _Tomorrow_

Maybe he should skip the event entirely this year. Usually he enjoyed it, dancing being one of the few things he had formerly been tutored in that actually seemed like a worthwhile activity. But this year…

He swallowed dryily.

Would Robert be dancing with anyone?

He had been in town for over 2 months now. Maybe he had gotten close to someone already.

He could picture it now…

Robert dancing with Maru. Or Penny. Maybe Sebastian? The partners swapped though in his mind,  
Robert remaining in position, the traditional somewhat strange blue outfit for the flower dance. He looked really uneasy in that situation.

At least he would know, then. He would get the certainty that Robert was… interested in others. That he wasn’t...wouldn’t...

Elliot took a deep breath, putting on his shoes. He was going to meet up with Leah to do some foraging. Maybe that would distract him a little bit.

\--------------------------------------------------------------

Robert looked at his new coop, a sense of pride filling him. It had been a hell of a lot of work to get the money together to build this place, but it had been worth it! He still had enough money to also build a barn but he was considering investing it all in chickens first. If he played his cards right, that way he would maybe be able to get in the cost for a barn again from the produce of all the chickens soon…

He made his way to Marnies ranch, ready to make a deposit for all the chickens he was going to order when he saw Leah approaching, waving at him. “Heeeey Rooobert!”

Robert gave her a smile, waving back. He’d seen her in the forest occasionally and they had started to become a bit friendlier than before. At least, he felt less awkward when first meeting her.

“Hi Leah. How’re you doing?”

“I’m doing great! Looking forward to the flower dance tomorrow. Are you going to be there?”  
Robert tried and failed to keep his face from blushing. “Er… I don’t know. I’m not really into dancing. Besides… Not like I got anyone to dance with.”  
Leah tilted her head, questionably. “Why don’t you ask Elliot? You two seemed to be getting along rather well...”  
Robert stared at her, mortified. How could she…? What did she…?  
“Uh… I mean. I don’t think he’d be interested. Besides, aren’t you gonna do that?”  
Leah gave him a shy laugh. “No, I’m actually going to be dancing with someone else...” Robert noticed a touch of pink on her face and felt downright gobsmacked.

She wasn’t going to be dancing with Elliot.

She was dancing with somebody else. Somebody that made her face do that… that thing.

He felt his ears getting hotter. “Uh, I, Uh… I thought… I thought you and Elliot were-”

Leah stared over his shoulder behind him, waving. “Oh hey, there he comes now. Quick, ask him!” 

Robert looked in the direction, mortified to indeed spot Elliot approaching. “Uh...Gotta go!” He dashed towards Marnies Ranch, twisting the doorknob, finding it locked, remembering Marnie only opened the shop after 9am. He turned, trying to find a way to hide and slid around the building into Marnies yard, ducking behind a barrel.

_This is ridiculous. What are you doing? Just… Just be normal, okay? Leah is probably just… just…  
...making fun of me._

He felt himself get cold and sad, the possibility hitting him hard. Leah had been nice to him, he really had no reason to doubt her words – hell, technically he never had much evidence that she and Elliot were anything but friends, but he had gotten it into his head so much-

_Maybe I just should have stayed and not said anything. Maybe I could have at least found out if she was serious about going with somebody else..._

\-----------------------------------------------

Elliot felt like having a small heart attack, seeing Robert talk to Leah. He’d stopped in his tracks, considering to go back. He had been so good about not seeing him! A whole week he had managed, hoping it would help, hoping if he stayed away he could bury those feelings.

He saw Leah waving at him, waking the sudden impulse to maybe just run away. Instead he took a step forward, just as Robert turned. The man apparently saw him and decided to bolt immidiately.

Elliot remained were he stood for a moment, sighing.

He knew it. When he had been at the farm… It had been too much. He had made the other uncomfortable when all he had genuinely wanted was to help. Sadness bubbled up in him at the whole situation. Him and Robert being awkward with another was bad enough. But the other running at his sight?

The writer made himself start walking again, reaching Leah with as neutral an expression he could muster. “Good morning Leah. Thanks for meeting me.” She grinned at him. “Hi Elliot… You just missed Robert.” 

He found himself frozen again, his cheeks heating up a little. He cursed his sensitive complexion, hoping she wouldn’t notice. “I, uh, I saw, yeah. Guess he’s.. having a busy day.”

“So, are you gonna ask him to go to the flower dance with you?”

Elliot blinked at her, taking a breath. “I… have no reason to believe he would want to accompany me. I’m sure he’s quite popular in town.”

“So you’re going solo this year?”

He closed his eyes for a moment. “I… don’t think I’ll be going. I don’t… really want to be the one person standing on the sidelines. How about, uh, How about we get to the forest? I’m eager for some moss-filtered air.”

\------------------------------------------------------------  
Robert sat behind the barrel, his heart beating fast.

He hadn’t _meant_ to eavesdrop.

He just hadn’t found another way out quickly!

Had Leah realized where he had gone? Did she know he had been within earshot?

_Elliot doesn’t feel like going._

_Doesn’t want to be alone on the sidelines._

He jumped up, grinning like a fool. He couldn’t help the burbling happiness spreading through him, lighting him up like a jolt of giddy energy.

 _This doesn’t mean anything. So he’s single. Doesn’t mean he’s… even open to being with someone like me..._ He tried to reason with himself, noting how clearly Elliot had been avoiding him this past week. He had seen him at Pierre's for about a second a couple of days prior, but Elliot had immediately shuffled away to stand behind a shelf, apparently changing his position accordingly while Robert moved through the shop.

He didn’t know how to feel about that.

They hadn’t spoken since Harvest day, when Elliot had once again had to take care of him because Robert had been to careless to accordingly prepare himself. Maybe the writer was truly mad at him. He hadn’t actively seen him other than that time at Pierre's, but he had sometimes felt like a red-brown tuft of hair had popped up in his peripheral vision only to vanish immediately.

He sighed, leaving his hiding place, hoping no one was in sight to see him stumble out of the yard.

He still didn’t even really know _what_ it was he really felt. Maybe all he wanted was friendship, really. He was so starved for other people, so awkward about initiating friendly relations with anyone, maybe he had just really taken a liking to the young man with the long hair…

_But you like Leah too and you don’t imagine her in revealing thin shirts, wind blowing through her hair..._

Robert tried shushing the thought away, entering Marnies ranch.

He had originally planned to only order chickens to start with, as it seemed to be a rather accessible market, but then he remembered what Leah had told him when he told her he was having a coop built:  
_”Oooh, you’re gonna have a coop soon? That's so nice. You know, Elliot loves colorful feathers – if you got ducks, I’m sure he’d love their color… would compliment his eyes.”_

And then she had had the audacity to wink at him.

He found himself wondering if she was trying to set them up, when Marnie rather pointedly cleared her throat. “So, have you come to order or buy anything?” She asked politely but Robert got the hint, realizing that he had been staring into nothing for quite some time.

“Oh, sorry, yes. How much would a couple of ducks be costing me?”


	8. Flower dance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For quick info: Robert is 176cm, Elliot is 184,4cm

Robert looked into the mirror, inspecting the little scar on his nose. It looked a tiny bit weird. It was located a little less than half an inch over the tip of his nose, reaching from one side slightly bend up, then in a straight line sideways across his nose and back down. He was surprised how even the edges looked, given the size of the fluke that had bitten him.

He shaved, washed his face and brushed his medium-length-hair, noting that it didn’t do much to change his appearance. He had put on a black shirt and black pants and that was about as formal as he got. He didn’t have the kind of money to start investing into new clothes yet and he didn’t have the time or see the need to travel back to the city to pick up anything from his storage unit.

Today was really a day like any other, or so he told himself.

Yes, there was a big dance. From what the others had told him, people tended to dress up for it.  
So he didn’t. So what? No-one would blame the penny-less young farmer who had his hands full rebuilding his grandfathers farm, right?  
He sighed, trying desperately not to think of Elliot.

He himself hadn’t asked anyone to dance with him. If somebody asked him, maybe he would accept, even though he really hadn’t ever danced in his life and would probably embarrass everyone involved…

Robert tried to keep phrasing the thought of ‘someone’ asking him to dance. He remained steadfast in not imagining Elliot doing it as he felt the expectation would probably crush him with nervousness.

He stepped out the farmhouse and started making his way south, careful to at least not tread into too much mud. 

Nice clothes one way or another, Robert knew he didn’t have interesting looks either way. He considered himself to be looking rather average. At 176cm he was of about average height, if not a little short. He had jet-black hair around his diamond-shaped face and blue eyes. He had been told, his strong cheekbones gave him an ‘interesting’ look, whatever that meant. The only thing he had going for him by now was a mild increase in body mass. Working the farm everyday for 2 months now had started showing results – by no means did he look particularly big or impressive, but it was a notable improvement from the skinny form he had shown when first coming to the valley, fresh off his years-long routine of cowering behind desks all day. 

He made his way towards the clearing, getting slower the closer he got to the colorful flower bouquets.

_What am I doing?_

He knew this day could only be torture. He knew, someone like Elliot would probably have all the girls flock after him for a dance, and if he was a guy like most other guys, he would most likely indulge. 

Watching all that…

Why would he do that to himself?

_Because its a social event and now that you’re part of the community you’re expected to be there._

He stopped, feeling uneasy.

Was it too late to be turning back?

\-------------------------------------------------------

Elliot looked into the mirror, feeling ridiculous. He had done and redone his hair about half a dozen times, thinking each time that it had somehow looked better the way he did it beforehand. He wore a blue suit, as was tradition for this event, but he felt strangely overdressed.

Overdressed! Him! He didn’t know when he had last felt this way, if ever.

Yes of course, technically he had been overdressed for most of his life, many telling him how over-the-top it seemed that he was always ‘so proper’, when the truth was that he just valued a certain elegance and style in all his garments.

Still, he felt like he would be out of place today.

He sighed, leaving the house to walk towards the clearing in the forest.

When he had been participating last year, his first year in the valley, Leah had been his dance partner. 

While they still hadn’t known each other much by then, dancing had been a positive experience that, he believed, ended up bringing them closer as friends. It was one of the few ways he had experienced positive physical closeness to other humans, dancing having been one of the few duties he had had, growing up, that still gave him a sense of control. Leading the direction and tempo of the dance, usually being able to choose a partner… And then the moves itself, a trained exercise so ingrained in his muscles that there were few things he could do that allowed him such precise control or elegance.

He walked across the cliff towards the forest, unsure how he should go about things today.

He knew Leah would be dancing with Haley and that no one else but them would know it before it happened. Although he did hope that Haley had been gracious enough to tell Alex that she _wouldn’t_ be dancing with him today.

Still, he was certain that all eyes would be on the two women, no doubt being the most radiant couple amongst the crowd.

He approached the forest when he saw a lone figure standing nearby a group of trees, a good 50 feet from the entrance. Robert appeared to be peeping towards the entrance to the dance, his moves seeming uncertain, almost like he was going to be leaving again.

Or perhaps he was waiting for someone?

Elliot's heart threatened to jump into his throat, his tie suddenly feeling a little tight.

Maybe coming here really had been a mistake. Maybe in a moment, Maru or Penny would show up, give him a kiss and they would walk up to the dance-

He couldn’t help but feel jealous at the thought, embarrassment following suit that he should feel such strong emotions about someone he was barely even friends with.

Robert seemed to have noticed him as he suddenly began approaching and Elliot cursed himself for not taking a more secluded path were he would have been less visible.

But there was no escape here so it would probably be the most mature thing to just walk up to him and say hi.

That wouldn’t be so hard, would it?

\-------------------------------------------------

Robert focused on keeping his face and movements as normal as he could, hoping he wasn’t too obvious in the buzzing heat that suffused him as he laid eyes upon Elliot in a smart blue suit, his hair in an elegant braid.

 _Be normal. Be calm. Say hello. Maybe thank him for saving your life on Harvest day._ He immediately felt uncomfortable but tried keeping his pace even. _Okay, maybe don’t mention Harvest day. But say hello and be polite._

They met about half-way from where they started, stopping in a somewhat awkward manner.

“Uh, Hi Elliot. Nice to see you.”

“Likewise. I trust you are feeling better than when we last met?”

Robert couldn’t help but bury his face in his hands for a moment. “Yes.” He mumbled through closed hands, forcing himself to take them down. “I am so sorry I was burden for you yet again...”

“Nonsense.” Elliot looked at him sincerely. “I much prefer getting the chance to play knight in shining armor for you than hearing about your death in the newspaper. Besides it does wonders to make my ego grow even more.” He gave him a friendly chuckle, the sun catching in his eyes for a moment. Robert just stared at him, stunned, unable to reply for a moment.

At least now he knew that the man wasn’t mad at him.

“Uh. Well, still, thank you. I’m not sure what would have happened to me if you hadn’t been there.”

They exchanged a look for a moment, Elliot seeming full of concern. “Just… be more careful next time, okay?”

“I… I will.”

They stared a moment longer when they both seemed to remember that they were supposed to go somewhere and started trotting towards the entrance slowly.

_Oh no. Will people think anything of it when they see the two of us arriving together?! What if I make him uncomfortable again? Maybe I should fall back..._

Elliot cleared his throat as they approached the venue. “So… what do you think who Leah is gonna dance with? She was so secretive about it...”

Robert almost swallowed his tongue. Elliot's step had increased and he had to keep up to be able to answer the question. “I… I don’t know. I only just yesterday heard she wasn’t dancing with you this year…” He realized this could be interpreted as a question and desperately tried to think of something to add. “Uh, maybe… er… Sebastian? I don’t know what she’s into… or if its just a friend-preference thing. I mean, I didn’t assume everyone dancing would be couples, so...” He felt himself stammer more with every word, transfixed by Elliot still smiling at him.

The long-haired man nodded. “You’re right. Most people participating in the dance are friends rather than lovers. Although some claim that there is a certain magic in the air between those that do dance here. Then again… I’ve danced with Leah here last year, and I’ve never seen her as anything but a friend.”

Roberts heart hammered in his chest. He was sure his face was visibly red but there was nothing he could do but stand here right now. Elliot had led him inside while speaking, never giving him a chance to get away or bring distance between them. They were now standing by the riverside in the clear sun, everyone around them dressed up in suits or fancy dresses. Robert was mortified to have an actual conversation with Elliot, in this setting.

Dressed about as fancy as a jogger. He sighed, drawing a concerned look from Elliot. “What is it? The crowd too much?”

Robert shook his head. “Its.. okay. We’re outside and they’re not swarming me, that's certainly helpful. I just feel a bit out of place. And not just because I’m severely under-dressed.”

Elliot nodded. “I understand. It is a bit of an awkward occasion for anyone used to it already. I remember well how I felt when first attending – and, though I do not wish to insult your wardrobe, I was less under-dressed than you are. I don’t suppose it would ease you to know that this sporty style suits you quite well, would it?”

Robert looked down. _This is hell. Can I become any more embarrassed? Should I just… go home and bury myself?!_

Just then, Leah approached them, looking absolutely stunning in her light pink-white dress. “Hey guys! Good to see you! I was worried either of you was gonna go through with not coming!”

Robert gave her a shy smile, worried she was going to say something to embarrass him. “Hi Leah… Nice dress.” She winked at him, giving them a little twirl. Elliot gave her an approving smile. “Very nice. So, are you gonna reveal to us who you’re going to be dancing with?”

Leah gave them a sly smile. “That depends… have you two decided if and whom you’re gonna ask?”

Robert stared at her in a bit of a shock. He couldn’t think. He couldn’t move, staring at her in that state of absolute terror,-

“I was considering asking Robert if he wanted to dance with me. I don’t really see myself dancing with one of the others and Robert and I at least fit height-wise. No pressure though, Robert, I understand if you don’t want to put yourself in that position.”

Robert felt like he was moving through cement, turning his head slowly to stare at Elliot who winked at him. 

The amount of emotions inside him seemed like they threatened to burst his heart. He was overjoyed Elliot was even considering to do this, he felt put on the spot by Leah doing this and he was confused by what this meant.

Did it mean anything?

Elliot had _just_ explained to him that it was common for friends to dance here too. Maybe this didn’t mean anything and Elliot just wanted to participate. They probably would fit comparatively well with their respective heights, but…

Elliot still looked at him questioning, his cheerful expression diminishing a little bit upon Roberts non-response. Robert tried opening his mouth to speak but the words seemed stuck in his throat. So he tried giving an agreeing nod. Elliot looked at him, questioning. “Does that mean… yes but you can’t speak anymore?” Robert nodded again as hard as he could, embarrassment threatening to kill him.

Elliot smiled, uncertainly, nodding. “Okay then...” He suddenly seemed a lot more nervous than before. 

Had it been like that the entire time and he hadn’t noticed or was he just now getting nervous?

Leah gave them another wink and flowed away without another word, getting into position on the predominately male side of the now-forming isles. Robert looked back at Elliot, uncertainty gripping him hard. Elliot stepped closer for a moment, despite the rows lining up several feet away from each-other.

He stood so close they were almost touching, Robert feeling like he could feel every inch left between them, like the air was buzzing with energy. Elliot tilted his head towards his ear. “Hey, are you sure you’re okay with this? You seem a bit… anxious. I… I really don’t mind if you don’t want to do this. I just thought...” his voice trailed off. Straightening, he gave Robert a concerned, mildly uncomfortable look. Robert nodded again, taking a breath. “Yes.” His voice came out rough. “I do want to do this. I do.” Elliot smiled, nodding. “Okay. Then just… line up with the girls and pretty much do what you see me do. Its a rather classic line dance at first. Just shuffle to the side, raise your legs right, left, right, left, shuffle back and repeat twice. Stop on shuffled together after that, turning to the side. If you make a mistake don’t worry about it, okay? No one cares and...” he smiled, looking to someone else. “They’re all gonna be looking at Leah and Haley anyway.”

\-----------------------------------------------------------------

Elliot kept beaming at Robert, never more glad than right at this second that his muscle memory knew all dance moves he needed by heart. While the other man seemed a little bit confused by what exactly he was supposed to do when, he held himself as well as he could. Elliot didn’t care that Robert kept taking a misstep out of tune and that his shuffling needed practice.

In this moment he was just… happy. Sure, Robert accepting like this didn’t have to mean anything and really meant nothing the more and more he thought about it, but it didn’t matter. At this moment, he was happy to be spending time with Robert at something he himself was actually good at and show some kind of proper form and style instead of seeming like an insecure imbecile, stuttering to get his words out. Maybe he could offer Robert to try dancing something else after this…

Now he did feel his face go hot, cursing himself. He had tried so hard to keep his countenance but the thought of maybe dancing a waltz or really any other dance that didn’t involve shuffling back and forth as a group seemed extremely..exciting at this time.

_I just have to find the nerve to ask him to. If he says no I can still wiggle my way out of it, but if he says yes..._

His heart beat faster. He had no idea where he was going with this, what had even made him be so bold to ask Robert to dance in the first place, but now he was here and they were dancing and Robert smiled at him, warm light dancing in his eyes and on those strong cheekbones and everything felt so _exhilarating_.

They came to a standstill beside each other, Robert one step behind yet again, both breathing somewhat accelerated. Elliot turned back to Robert, knowing he would do it now or not do it at all. He gave Robert a nervous smile. “Well, that was nice… would you like to try a waltz as well?” To his horror, his words came out very fast and possibly a bit slurred, Robert giving him that look again he had earlier… like a deer in headlights, like what Elliot had just said was totally gob-smacking if not outright shocking to him. He had felt like dying inside during that horrible long pause earlier after asking him to dance, After Leah had trapped him so cruelly…

Robert gave a shy nod, smiling lopsided and Elliot's heart exploded in relief. “Have you, uh, ever tried dancing a waltz before?” Robert shook his head, looking at him questioning.

Elliot felt uncertain all over sudden again, asking once more. “But...you… want to try it...with me? Right?” He felt his confidence wavering, disappointed in himself that he couldn’t keep up the positive energy from before-

“Yes.” Roberts voice was still quiet, hushed, but his eyes sparkled.

Elliot felt himself smile in joy, a tiny part of him appalled by how strongly he let himself be drawn in, how big the risk of future pain he took here, but it barely even mattered.

“Okay… This is how it works. I’m going to place my right hand under your left shoulder. You put your left hand on my shoulder and give me your other hand. We’ll both be keeping out elbows at shoulder height. For everything else, you really just have to try to feel in which direction I guide you. Generally, I’ll be stepping forward with my left foot, so you’ll have to step backward with your right. We’ll start of really slow and I’ll just tell you how we’ll turn as we do.” Robert nodded at him, seeming a bit anxious. He reached out with his hand, grabbing Elliot's and he immediately became extremely self-conscious about all the details of his hand, why he hadn’t used lotion, if there were still ink-stains on it…

He stepped closer, putting his other hand on Roberts shoulder, lifting their entwined hands, resisting the urge to stroke his hand with his thumb. Barely. “Okay. Now don’t worry if you end up stepping on my toes. Try to get used to the rhythm. We’ll start slow and if I feel like you got it I might go to normal speed.” Robert gave him an encouraging nod with a nervous smile and they started moving in unison…

He didn’t know how long they danced. They started slow, him mumbling small directions as they went at first, Robert stumbling a bit until he figured it out. And then they just.. moved with the music. He hadn’t seen any of the others, he was entirely transfixed by this moment. Dancing with Robert in the spring bloom, his strong eyes fixed all on him while he gave him a charming, strangely knowing smile... Elliot felt his body responding, every place where they touched feeling hypersensitive to everything, feeling Roberts strong shoulder under his fingers, the warm spot near his collarbone were his hand rested. The calloused, strong hand entwined with his own…

If he would die in this moment, he would at least die happy. He wouldn’t have to know if this would lead anywhere, Wouldn’t have to face further awkwardness or worry if he was about to be stabbed In the back…

Then he would never know if Robert felt the same way about him.

He looked into his eyes, wondering.

Would he mess everything up if he said anything? Would the other be appalled, possibly feel betrayed about being asked to dance under the ‘lure’ of this being a friend-ish social occasion?

He caught a whiff of Roberts cologne, feeling almost intoxicated from the situation. When would there ever be a better time then now?

The music stopped and like two dancers on a musical box, so did they. Both breathing hard, they’re gazes transfixed. Elliot slowly let go of Roberts shoulder while the others arm slid down from his, almost painfully slowly gliding over his chest for just a moment.

Elliot resisted the urge to close his eyes at the sensation.

Neither of them let go of the others hand.

Elliot tried to find the words, tried to figure out what he wanted to say before his fear would hold him prisoner once again when Haley and Leah almost ran into them, grinning. “Heeey!” Leah gave him the biggest smile. “You two looked so cute dancing together!”

Elliot and Robert had let go instinctively as soon as she’d appeared, both stepping a small step to the side while the thing that could only be described as ‘happy Leah’ happened to them.

“Well, if you two have eyes for anyone else… just look how pretty my darling Haley is today!” She made a flourishing move towards Haley who stepped closer, uncharacteristically shy. “Uh, hi.” Her face was mildly reddened but she held Leah's hand and both seemed happy. Elliot tried giving her a polite smile, hoping to somewhat salvage the moment, but in his heart of hearts, he knew it was lost.

He tried exchanging another look with Robert, but it was futile. He had already taken a small step forward, complimenting Haley on her dress, starting small talk. 

Elliot tried giving polite nods but in his heart he felt distant.  
Everything had been so perfect. Couldn’t she have showed up just 10 minutes later?


	9. Longing

Elliot sat at the beach, hugging his knees yet again. It was rather cold on this late-spring evening but he felt he needed to be here by the water for a bit. It was already rather late at night – past eleven, surely, yet he didn’t feel like he would find sleep anytime soon.

Why couldn’t Leah have shown up later than she did?

Elliot couldn’t stop replaying that moment in his mind. The subsiding sun upon them, light in their eyes, their hands entwined still… It had been just the moment to ask Robert to…  
.  
..to…

Elliot put his head in his hands and let out a frustrated growl.

What was it that he wanted? Did he want to be with him? Would he have asked him out for a date?  
Would he have just asked him to go somewhere secluded where they could talk?

_...and maybe kiss.._

The scene flashed before his eyes- the two of them in the forest somewhere, anywhere away from the people, Elliot pressing Robert close, all confidence in his mind, placing his hand on that lovely face and just,-

He kept himself from making an obscene sound, the urge to physically be with Robert so overwhelming that he was glad he was at a cold place to keep his body from reacting too strongly.

Of course they’d never gotten that moment of secluded peace.

After Leah had finally gotten the hint to maybe please just leave them alone which had required an enormous amount of overly-obvious hints on his part, The mayor had immediately come by to talk to Robert about his new Coop, followed by Marnie who wanted to talk about the chicken shipment and if he needed other supplies. Robert had looked at him on occasion in a mix of overwhelmed confusion and – what he could only hope it was – sad longing. But the social pressure of these gatherings could be high and in the end, when Evelyn started telling Robert about how she and George had met at this very dance some 50 years ago, Elliot had not been able to take it anymore. He had given a somewhat formal goodbye to Robert as it was in front of an old lady and her husband, and he had left.

It had all been too much.

Back there, already, the wish to finally act on these feelings, to just… drag him away and make out with him had been so strong.

He sighed.

_Geez. My hormones must be burbling like in some teenager..._

He felt silly about his own reactions. If there truly was something between the two of them, there would be no harm in just talking about it another time. If Robert wanted to be with him, he would surely show it, wouldn’t he? His theatre-affined brain had seen the perfect setting for a dramatic scene in that dance of course, wanting any kind of bond to be forged under romatic circumstances, but… wouldn’t just being with someone be enough?

He let his head fall back before releasing the tension in his upper body, falling into the sand.

Two days ago he had been terrified of today.

He had been so afraid. When he felt around inside of him, he still was. Terrified of rejection. Afraid to be felt cared for only to be betrayed. Afraid to just be used and then dropped like a hot potato when he wasn’t interesting’ enough anymore.  
But that moment while they danced. That moment on the cliff. That look in his eyes. Like he knew him inside and out and understood him. Welcomed, wanted him.

But what if he had imagined it all?

Maybe he was attracted to him and had fallen for him while all that Robert did was be there for a friend? Maybe Robert had wanted to participate in the dance and hadn’t had someone else – he had said he didn’t have anyone! And what if… what he had taken for the romantic spark when they had held hands, had really been a desperate plea to get him away from the crowd? He had seen Robert freeze up in front of people before. Maybe he had been feeling bad but couldn’t say anything…

He groaned again, hiding his eyes from the moon.

What should he do?

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Robert woke up in mild disappointed.

Dead tired that he had been, he had managed to fall asleep rather quickly, despite the excitement he had been feeling.

Checking the freshness of the clothes he had slept in, he found that he clearly needed new underwear, musing not for the first time that he’d really ought to get his own washing machine over soon. Getting his stuff to the laundromat each week was a pain and it took away too much of his time.

_At least I’ve got a bed now..._

He got into the moldy shower, his mind lingering on his dreams. He didn’t remember them too well.

He remembered soft skin brushing against his chest. Delicate fingers gliding down his back as Elliot pressed closer to him and-

Robert turned the water colder, putting his head under the shower head. He let out a quiet shriek but his body calmed down.

The previous day had been exhilarating while Elliot was there and increasingly depressing as soon as Leah had appeared.

He had been happy for Leah who clearly seemed like she had actually been nervous about dancing with Haley and – as he had been told – kissing her quite thoroughly in public. But did she have to barge in on them in that moment? Couldn’t she see that they were-

...that…

Robert rinsed his hair, trying to parse out what exactly would have happened if she hadn’t been there.

While dancing with Elliot, everything had seemed so clear suddenly. After the first stumbles, they had moved in unison and it had felt so _right_. Elliot had lead him across the clearing in perfect poise, his movements so precise and vigorous, Robert had felt literally entranced. Like he was in some other-worldly place were only they existed, Elliots eyes on him, seeing him for who he was, his presence overwhelming him. When the dance had stopped he had wanted nothing but to be close to him again.  
Hugging. Kissing. To hold and be held. To dance into the darkness of the night just to feel that energy, that essence of mind-

He thumped his head against the tiles of the shower, trying to keep himself from getting too aroused.

There was no way to say what would really have happened afterwards. Maybe it had all been in his head to begin with. Elliot hadn’t exactly come out and ask him to dance in any kind of romantic fashion. In fact, he had prefaced it by explaining that many people dancing were just friends. And technically, he hadn’t even asked him directly. He had told Leah while standing in front of Robert, and then given him a questioning look.

_Except he did ask you after the formal part.._

_...there was no need for him to dance with you for the waltz.._

_...it wasn’t a part of the formal dance. He could have asked someone else too…_

Robert got out when he was clean enough and he felt his lips were getting blue, wondering not for the first time how much exactly it would cost him to get the place fixed up a bit. Robin had already send him an estimation of costs on the upchance he would maybe like to renovate his farmhouse, and he had to admit, it wasn’t as expensive as he had thought. Maybe she could renovate his bathroom while she was at it. 

He stepped out, trying to focus on the day before him. He was expecting his shipment of animals today and needed to keep a cool head. He couldn’t afford to think of-

His mind conjured up what would happen if he were to go to visit Elliot right now. How he might take his hand, lead him behind the cabin, hiding them from prying eyes, pressing him to the old wood- 

Robert closed his eyes, taking a deep breath.

Chickens.

That was all today should be about. Chickens.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Elliot spend his day writing. He wasn’t even trying to not imagine him and Robert in place of the characters anymore. There was no point. Either Robert wanted to be with him or not. He would find out eventually and while his mind was racing with these thoughts, using them to finish this story about a salacious train-ride ridden with crime and betrayal was at least a productive output for them.

At least for the salacious parts.

He found himself unwilling to eat much on this day – too strong the longing to resolve what was or was not between them, too vivid and intrusive the images his mind conjured up.

When would he see him again?

He paused, staring out of the window. A part of him had assumed that Robert would come by sometimes today, so they could talk, but it was late afternoon already and he had yet to make an appearance…

_Perhaps he’s too busy to come see me today. He was supposed to get that animal shipment, I think._

He put down his writing pen, thinking.

Would he last another night, not knowing where they stood?

What if he found that there was nothing there at all? Right now he was in the heights of the clouds, his mind abuzz with thoughts, feelings and ideas that he could – even if all other prospects failed – work into the story.

If he found out there was nothing but the despair of loneliness for him, if everything had been in his head… how could he ever finish this story? He had put so much of himself and what he saw or wanted to see in Robert into these characters – if his feelings were crushed he would lose all connection to this world, he knew it.

He closed his eyes, trying to still his yearning heart. Imagining Robert alone at his farm, waiting for him. Wondering why he wasn’t coming…

He sighed. 

This was silly. 

They hadn’t made any kind of arrangement to meet today. Elliot had expected to see him, to see… things be resolved, but the truth was, they were both busy people. If Robert truly wanted to see him, he would come himself. If he didn’t then Elliot could keep writing, finishing those last three chapters before he went to see him.

If he had to spend another night in longing dreams and unfulfilled arousal, then that was a price he was willing to pay.

\---------------------------------------------------------

Robert sat down heavy on the veranda, greedily grabbing his bottled water and guzzled down most of the contents.

It had been a busy day. Preparing the coop, shoveling hay, unloading the animals, marking them and setting up a provisional fence around it… He had barely taken a break, his diet consisting entirely of field snacks and water on this day, his back feeling like a board of nails.  
In between he had worried how things would turn out if Elliot decided to show up. He didn’t quite know if he would, didn’t quite know how the other really felt about him, but a part of him certainly had been expecting the man. And when he would have arrived, he, Robert, would have been drenched in sweat and caked in mud which was something that had made him extremely uncomfortable as he was sure it would have been repulsive for anyone even considering to be near him.

Still, he looked to the edge of his farmland, longing for that slender figure to make its way across his property. To him.

It was almost nine. If Elliot had been planning on coming by, he surely would have by now.

Robert took another swig, trying not to feel discouraged by his absence. He was too exhausted to go and visit him now, and if Elliot had actually not been interested in him that way, then visiting him now would just be weird and make him uncomfortable.

Feeling clammy, Robert walked back inside the house to take a shower. His body felt weak. Probably because he hadn’t had any warm food on that long exhausting day.

But as he climbed out of the shower, he didn’t feel any hunger. The wild excitement from the previous night was slowly but surely turning into doubt and despair.  
Perhaps he really had been imagining all of it.


	10. Rush

Elliot stared at his papers. He had just reread the last few chapters of his book and found it...adequate.

It certainly wasn’t the great opus he had hoped to create as his debut novel, but it was entertaining, thought-provoking and clever.

At least, he hoped it was, the nature of such things being that ones own self could hardly make an accurate assumption as to how such material would appear to the interested or not-so-interested reader.

He wasn’t sure if he wanted Robert to read it. It contained so much of him, so much thought and feeling… If Robert didn’t know how he felt now, he certainly would after reading it.

Still. If Robert didn’t feel like he did, then the book would surely embarrass him terribly.  
Better to keep it to himself until after they’d...cleared the air.

Which left him no more excuse about making up his mind.

He stared at the papers again.  
A finished manuscript. He had been in this place over a year, he had dreamed of becoming a published author for over a decade. Now his finished book lay before him and yet… he couldn’t help a feeling of dread setting in.  
He showered and dressed in fresh garments, - a jade-green suit west over a pearly white shirt – pondering the issue while he did. He went outside, breathing in the fresh ocean air but remained ill at ease.

It was entirely possible that Robert didn’t want to be with him.

Standing here at this moment, he felt content with himself. He had just finished a book, he could start trying to either find a publisher or means to self-publish. He could more or less live in this valley indefinitely, writing, even if his book was a giant flop. He didn’t need much to live. Was this life so bad? Was it worth risking the abyss of deepest despair just for the chance of being with another?

He wasn’t sure what a relationship would really give him. Sure, millions upon billions of lines had been written over the nature and joy of love, over the peace and warmth of a shared home, but didn’t he sort of like being a lonely artist? A soul starved for love, living alone in a dark, crammed space? There was something satisfying about this, something that spoke true to the nature of what he felt an artist should be, creating through suffering,-  
Or was all that just pretense?

He started walking down the beach, taking the eastern route that would lead him along the forest, avoiding the inner town. It was a cloudy, windy day and he regretted not grabbing a hair tie as his locks flew around him.  
Maybe he idealized his lonely life because he was too afraid to be pushed back.

His big crush in college had made him feel like he returned his affections for some time. Complimenting his work, admiring his style, openly flirting in front of other people…

Until his behavior had very suddenly turned to the opposite...

Elliot's chest squeezed at the memories and he stopped for a moment, trying to keep his thoughts calm.  
They had been cruel, yes. They had embarrassed him in front of everyone and had tried to degrade him in vicious ways...

But it had showed him that just because someone showed interest, it didn’t mean they actually wanted any kind of intimacy. That open flirting or compliments could just be a trap to generate interest and affection…

_...But Robert has never done any of those things..._

There really had been no instance were Robert had acted in a way that could accurately objectively be described as ‘flirting’. What he had done was show interest. Interest in his pain. His life. His work, his passion. The thing Robert had done the most was listening to him. Making him feel heard and like his voice, he himself as a person – mattered. 

No-one had ever given him the feeling of being worth any real measure of affection.

\---------------------

Robert fed the chicks and ducklings, wondering how long it would take for them to grow up enough to actually produce eggs. A couple of weeks, at least.

_And how long will it take till I get a nice green feather?_

Robert held up one of the ducklings, marveling at its tiny cute feet and its fluffy fur, carefully petting it. He was crouching outside the coop, allowing the small beasts some air before he would shush them inside in a couple of minutes. He was worried they would be blown away if the wind picked up and he did not want to risk their tiny little lives – or his investment.

He heard steps approaching and looked up, the duckling still walking around his hands.  
Elliot was approaching from the south side of the plot, wind tousling his hair, a charming smile on his face. Robert felt his face blush, his pulse hasten, his mind emptying of all thoughts while he watched him approach, absentmindedly wondering if anything was going to happen or if they would just have an awkward conversation that would lead to Robert spending too much time in the shower later.

“Good morning Robert. I see you got your animal shipment.”

Robert nodded, scrambling to remember how to speak. “Yeah… Kept me pretty busy all day yesterday. I had… I had wondered if you would come by.”

Elliot crouched down to his level, reaching out to pet the duckling still in Roberts hand. “Delightful. They’re so fluffy! And ducks show such vibrant colors once they get older. I do love their feathers.”

“I know. Its why I got them.” Robert froze, barely resisting the urge to slap himself with the duck in an effort to hide his face, looking away quickly instead. Why had he told him that?!

There was a moment of silence between them. Elliot had made a somewhat stumbling sound with his breath and stopped petting the animal, then stood back up. Robert remained by the ground, pretending he was still interested in the plushy exterior, unsure what to say, his face hot.

People made an effort to do considerate things for their friends all the time. There was no reason to be embarrassed about this. He could have done that for anyone– after all, duck mayonnaise sold for a higher price than regular mayonnaise, though the demand was lower…

He put down the duck, picking up a chicken as if to inspect its leg clip, feeling like he could feel Elliot's gaze burn on him, the pressure rising to say something – anything – to break the tension.

Elliot cleared his throat. “I… I’d like to… talk to you. Without you kneeling there, not looking at me.” His voice was quiet and earnest, almost a little sad and it made Robert feel absolutely terrible. He put down the chick without a word, got up and left the fence. He didn’t look up when he walked past Elliot, murmuring an excuse: “Let me wash my hands really quick...”

He went into the small bathroom, shaking, washing his hands, trying desperately not to cry.  
Elliot was going to make him stop acting like there was anything between them. He was sure. He was sure Elliot was here to set clear boundaries once and for all, to make him stop eyeing him when he thought no-one would notice, to make him stop trying to be near him or force longer physical contacts than was strictly necessary. His voice just now, his looks while he had been talking to Leah after the dance, after Robert had held on to his hand far too long after they had already stopped dancing-

As sure as he had been that night that there was something between them, as desperate was he now, realizing that there probably really wasn’t. Elliot had been trying to be nice to the outsider, the new guy, and he had thanked him by abusing his openness, greedily taking it for affections that weren’t justified in any way.

Robert dried his hands, walking upstairs and out, dread filling his every fiber of being.

 _At least I’ll have a clear cut then. No more wondering whats real and whats in my head._  
Elliot still stood beside the chicks, his hands behind his back. His mouth was set in a thin line, his face serious. Robert came up to him slowly, only looking up once he was just a few meters shy. “Okay. I’m.. here and less full of poultry things. Whats up?”

Elliot nodded. “Lets walk a few paces.”  
Robert blinked at him, but the taller man was already turning, gesturing Robert to follow him. They walked West on on the property, past the old wooden fences till they were near the river. There was a high-springing waterfall visible from here, its access half-hidden behind a heap of rocks. The falling water misted the air pleasantly.

Elliot grinned, clearly enjoying the view for a moment. “Marvelous indeed! I’ve wanted to see it up close ever since spotting it from the edge of the property the first time I came by. Now if only the sun were shining a little more. That would make it perfect...”

Robert was sure he had to be looking as confused as he was. Elliot's change in demeanor seemed so strong and sudden. Yes, it _was_ actually a really nice view and he hadn’t even been aware that there was access to a waterfall here, but…

Elliot turned to him, looking uneasy yet again. “I...” He closed his mouth, looking down for a moment. He looked back up, meeting his eyes, seeming like he was almost chewing on words. “I… don’t know what to say.” He sighed, ruffling his hair thoughtfully.

Robert swallowed dryly, watching the strands of his hair dance in the wind, the thoughtful, almost dramatically suffering look on his face… _Goddamn. Could you BE any more attractive?!_

He just wanted this moment to be over. He wanted for this sweet but ongoing pain to be going away and finally be alone with his suffering. If his heart had to be broken, couldn’t it be a quick thing?

Robert took a breath. He was the one who had gotten Elliot into this situation to begin with. Perhaps it was his responsibility to give him an out too.

“I’m sorry.” He didn’t dare look up at him, fixating on his collar instead. “I know I… I made you uncomfortable. I didn’t mean to. I thought...” He looked to the side for a moment, the tension so strong it felt hard to breathe, to speak… “I… I guess I...uh…just…. Really...like you… I suppose, a little bit too much for your comfort. I didn’t mean to… I didn’t mean to be intrusive or anything like that. I know you don’t really want to be… anything but friends. And I’m sorry. I don’t want to...” He sighed, closing his eyes, willing himself to calm down, burying his face in his hands. The thought of thoroughly losing the only person he felt close to in this valley just because he was a damn fool, falling for someone that could’ve been a really good friend felt like more than he could stomach in a measured, calm demeanor. 

There was another moment of quietness between them. He felt Elliot's hand on one of his own, a feather-light touch stroking the back of his hand.  
“Would you… Would you look at me? Please?”

Robert shook his head, keeping his hands pressed to his face. He couldn’t take it. Why did he have to be so nice? Why did he have to continue to be such a goddamn caring wonderful dude?  
Elliot's hand vanished from his face for a moment. Then he felt him stepping closer, warmth radiating off him like a goddamn beacon of goodness and energy. “I...” His voice was quiet. “I don’t… have the words. To tell you.. how you make me feel. I’m nothing but a writer. And I wrote an entire book. Thinking of nothing but you.”  
Roberts breath stopped. He swallowed thickly. _What..?!_ He willed himself to take down his hands, trying to stop the shaking. Elliot stood directly in front of him, looking at him but not meeting his eyes. His arms were at his side but he was moving his fingers, nervously.

“I… don’t know...what else to say. Robert, I… I cannot stop thinking about you. And I...” Elliot looked up for a moment, taking a breath, before looking directly at him now, his eyes so full emotion, so clear and deep Robert felt like he could stare at them for hours, the essence what he was still saying only slowly sinking in. “...I cannot go on another day, not knowing..if...uh.. if you...” Elliot's words slowly stopped, his eyes clearly traveling over Roberts face, moving back to his eyes all the time, full of longing. Robert couldn’t take his eyes off him, couldn’t speak or move much anymore. His heart in his throat, he reached out with one hand, finding Elliot's, squeezing it. The writers eyes sparkled. He placed his other hand on Roberts face and before the farmer could react in any other way, soft lips pressed on his own. Robert made a small sound. feeling his eyes close as on reflex, the sudden sensation washing over him. Like a switch being flipped the tension he had been feeling morphed into fluid, joyous energy. Their hands let go, Robert snaking his arms around Elliot's shoulders and neck, the writer putting his on Roberts hip as they pressed closer together, the kiss deepening. Elliot's lips felt so soft yet demanding on his, alternating in pressure, his tongue slipping inside Roberts mouth ever so slightly, opening him up more and more while their breaths mingled, growing heavier. Roberts let one of his arms glide up Elliot's neck, the other holding close between his shoulders, as he let his fingers glide into the writers luscious hair.  
So soft…  
He gave the hair at the back of his head a tiny pull. Elliot shuddered, his breathing quickening, pressing them even closer. He tickled the edges of Roberts mouth with his tongue, almost forceful now, greedy, his hands on his face, in his hair and Robert opened up, Elliot's tongue slipping deep inside his mouth. Robert felt like he was about to pass out in the most delicious way possible. Stroking Elliot's tongue with his own, drinking in the scent of his hair, his cologne, trying to commit every detail to memory-  
Elliot pulled back, breathing hard, their hands in each others hair, their faces flushed. They stared at each other another moment before slowly melting into a tight hug, both of them shaking, trying to calm down.

\---------------------------------------------------------------

Elliot held onto Robert, his eyes closed, trying to get his body under control. He hadn’t meant for the kiss to… develop like that. In his mind he had known to go for the more chaste, emotional kiss, but Robert had reacted so strongly and welcoming and suddenly all boundaries had fallen and he just wanted _more_ …

He kissed Roberts head, unwilling to let go. Obviously they needed to… talk more about whatever it was they were doing here, but…

Talking was hard.

His language was the one of poets. He liked speaking in verses, garnishing his vocal outputs in flourishes and bows. But it required a mild detachment from his core, a serene tranquility he no longer possessed since Robert had entered his life.

Or maybe he had always just been distanced from his true feelings. 

Talking about… what was truly moving him, what he wanted, feared or needed…  
He couldn’t use anyone elses’ words for it. And he couldn’t find the flourished lines on the spot when his heart spilled over with impulses…

Robert loosened his grip a little, clearing his throat. He looked up at him, smiling uncertainly. “Well… I… I guess I got that wrong.” he was still blushing. “I… suppose you like me, after all.”  
Elliot laughed quietly, his eyes growing wet in relief. He kissed Roberts forehead again, still not letting go. “I suppose I do...” He closes his eyes for a moment, taking a breath before finally moving back a bit more. He let his hands fall slowly, still bathing in the aftereffects. Robert reached out, taking one of his hands, kissing his fingers and Elliot felt like crying all over again, brimming with overwhelming affection. He lifted the others hand, returning the kiss. “I had thought I.. had made it obvious at the dance.”  
Robert shrugged. “It… It seemed too good to be true. I kept finding ways to not believe it… “ He grinned. “I guess it would have gone a little differently if Leah hadn’t shown up.”

Elliot laughed, nodding, the remaining tension leaving him slowly but surely. “She was mad about it too, later. She did came by my cabin pretty late, asking how it went...” he chuckled. “When I told her she demanded I go see you...”  
Robert raised his eyebrows. “On the day of the dance?”  
Elliot nodded. “She had already brought Haley home but it was so late and I thought it could wait another day, and then...”  
Robert looked at him expectantly. “Then...what?”  
Elliot shrugged, grinning. “I wasn’t kidding about the book. I did write a book, to cope with what I was feeling.” He stepped closer again, putting his hands around Roberts hips, holding him. “I couldn’t stop thinking about you… But I was so afraid you wouldn’t feel the same. So I funneled these energies and… well I couldn’t see you before I was finished, could I? I would have burned the manuscript in agony had you refused my advances...”  
Robert chuckled, shaking his head. “You truly are a writer with all your heart.”  
Elliot gave him a quick kiss, smiling. “What else could I ever be?”


	11. Bliss

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takes place immidiately after the last chapter.

Suddenly, the wind picked up. Robert stared at Elliot's luscious hair flying in the wind when he realized-  
“My chicks! The ducklings!” He yelped, let go of Elliot's hand and took off towards the coop. The weather changed fast, trees and grass already bending in the oncoming storm. As much as Robert had enjoyed the last few minutes, he wished he wouldn’t have to climb over rocks to get back to the coop now.

_Dammit Elliot, couldn’t you have kissed me surrounded by ducklings?_

He felt weak in the knees again, just thinking about it, anger having little power were this was concerned. Yet, the fear for the little animals grew within him steady while he tried getting past a particularly unnerving tree stump.  
Elliot overtook him on long legs, jumping over the tree trunk, never slowing down.  
Robert froze for just a second, admiring the sheer elegance in movement before getting on his way again too. While his muscles certainly had developed a bit in the past two months, running had not been something he’d been practicing, at all.

When he reached the coop, Elliot was already shushing the chicks inside, two ducklings still in his arms, peeping excitedly.  
Robert stopped by the fence, trying to catch his breath while Elliot put the ducklings down, closing the hatch after them. “All done!” The writer beamed at him. “What delightful creatures these are. It would have been a shame if something had happened.”  
Robert nodded, still breathing a bit heavy. “T-Thanks for getting them.”

He stood a bit straighter again, slowly regaining his composure. Looking at this dashing man, he suddenly felt clammy. Robert had been so overjoyed that Elliot shared his affections, he hadn’t even realized that… that they possibly didn’t have any future to speak of. Maybe, Elliot would be repulsed once he learned of Roberts...physical properties.

He let out a big sigh, contemplating for just a moment if he could stomach keeping it a secret for now. If he could just… not tell him. Many people liked to wait for further intimacy in relationships. Maybe he could at least get a little bit more human contact out of this before things inevitably fell apart.  
He closed his eyes, rubbing his face, the wind getting colder.

_I have to tell him. Anything else is… I can’t even. I can’t not tell him._

Robert opened his eyes, finding Elliot directly in front of him, his head tilted, looking at him curiously.  
Robert nearly jumped out of his skin.  
Elliot chuckled. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to scare you. You’re looking very thoughtful. Something wrong?”

Robert hated how beautiful the other looked. His eyes shone so bright and trusting. While he was attractive in general, it hardly seemed to matter in this very moment. There was an almost innocent pureness to this man that was incredibly captivating.

Telling him the truth could very possibly hurt him. In the short time Robert had known him, Elliot had not seemed like a happy person. He had seemed lonely and at odds with himself. What they had shared earlier had been a beautiful dream. But if Elliot was gay, then he would probably not want to be with him.

Robert sighed again, looking down. “I… I have to tell you something. And I’m… I’m terrified to do it. I’m… I’m worried I’ll hurt you.” He felt his teeth clench as he looked into confused eyes. He took Elliot's hands, looking up at him. “I… I want to be with you. But you.. there’s something you need to know about me before you can decide if you really want to be with me.” His voice was shaking now. He couldn’t bear looking into Elliot's eyes again, his hands trembling. Elliot squeezed his hands, leaning forward, kissing his forehead. “Whatever it is… I...” He stopped, thinking for a minute. “While I sadly cannot promise how it will make me feel about being with you… I can most certainly promise that I won’t hate you for it.” He seemed to think a moment more, pausing. “I mean, unless you tell me, you’re actually a war criminal. Then, maybe… But just, maybe...”  
Robert let out a snorting laugh, loosening his hands, rubbing his face for a minute. “Who knows...” he took a breath. “How about we go inside? The weather’s ghastly and… this will be a bit complicated. Maybe.”

They went inside. Robert took the singular birch bench, placing it opposite his bed, motioning Elliot to sit while he sat down on the bed himself. “Sorry, I don’t have much in the way of furniture yet… Sitting opposite seems… reasonable for this.”

Elliot looked at him uneasy, taking a seat, kneading his hands. “You really are starting to make me worry. I cannot fathom what you could seriously tell me that would have you so worried that you think, I might not like you anymore...”

Robert sighed, sitting down. “I…. I can see why you think that. Its… Look, its not like you would.. hate me, or anything. Though I have heard of cases were something like this had happened and others were quite angry. Only I don’t take you for so shallow.”  
Elliot sat with his long legs crossed at the ankles, his hands laid together, looking thoughtful and expecting. Clearly waiting for an explanation.

Robert buried his face in his hands once more. _I have to… I have to say it. Just freaking say it. It will be painful, but…. You just...gotta do it._  
He took his hands down. “Look, I… hm. Would you mind if I asked you a personal question first? You don’t have to answer, I just… This is making me feel terribly insecure. And If I haven’t tried your patience enough, I would like to… ease myself into telling you, okay?”  
Elliot nodded. He seemed tense. “Ask away.”  
“Okay...uhm. What would you say is your sexual orientation? Like… You obviously like me, but...”  
Elliot looked towards the ceiling, thoughtful. “I… had physical relations with two women in college. I had a really bad crush on another guy in college. That is the extend of my… experience.” He seemed uneasy.

Robert thought about it for a moment, ruffling his hair. “So… would you say you’re...bisexual? Or…?”  
Elliot shrugged. “I never really thought about it. I like who I like. I haven’t spend too much time on researching what terms would or wouldn’t apply.”  
Robert took a breath. This didn’t necessarily make it easier.  
“What I’m trying to say is… I… I...” he squeezed his eyes shut. 

_Just say it. Just say it. Do it. Say it now. Say ‘I am physically not quite a man’. Say ‘I’m different below the belt’ Just say SOMETHING!_

“I’m… not… a binary person. Physically.”

He didn’t dare open his eyes for a moment. When no reaction was forthcoming, he did so slowly.

Elliot looked puzzled, seemingly thinking. “I… don’t know what that means.”

Robert kneaded his hands. “I’m… look, I… I have a deep voice. And male hormones. I obviously don’t have boobs. I can grow a really small beard when I try really hard. But I’m… I’m...” his fingers were trembling. He clenched them into fists. “I’m...below the belt. I’m… kinda… not-male.” He let the air out he’d been keeping in, shuttering. He shot a quick glance at Elliot. He seemed to be processing what Robert had just said, not quite showing much clear emotion, one way or another. Robert looked down again, waiting for what would inevitably come. The confusion. The masked revulsion.

“So...” Elliot hesitated. “Just to make sure I understand… You’re… basically male on your top-half and...not-male on the bottom-half, right?”

Robert nodded, still not looking up.

Elliot seemed to think a moment longer. “Are you… like, the polar opposite? Or… something in-between? Oh, and...uh. I hope it goes without saying that I won’t tell anyone about any of this. Ever. Uhm, Unless you’d want me to. Uhm. I… uh. I’m not sure how exactly I feel about this yet, but I understand how… difficult it must be for you to tell me. Especially, right now.”

Robert looked up slowly. Elliot gave him a tight but encouraging smile. Robert returned it, tense. “Thank you.” His voice was quiet. “I… I do appreciate it. No matter how this..turns out. And I have like… full f-female reproductive organs, I guess.”

Elliot nodded, still thoughtful. “Might I ask… How this...combination came to pass? I know that many trans-males forgo sexual confirmation surgery...”

Robert shook his head. “I’m not… I’m actually not a trans-male. Its….extremely rare, but I was actually pretty much born this way. I’m… I don’t know. I was born with female genitalia and was raised as a girl… well. They tried at least. I was pretty clear, pretty early on not wanting _that_. But when I got older… while...some things happened to my body that were… typical for a female body, others did not. When I started growing a bit of beard and getting a deeper voice, it all kinda...settled itself. I...became a bit closer to who I am. Though I never really got a clear answer as to… why I am like this.“ He shrugged again, hugging his knees. 

Elliot had folded his arms in front of his chest, his face thoughtful. “When I...” His eyes trailed up to Roberts for a moment, sinking down quickly. “When I close my eyes. Thinking about a person I don’t know. Who is both man and woman in the way you just described. I feel confusion. My mind is bound by the binary concepts of society, making it harder to think outside these things that we are conditioned to think of as ‘normal’. Even though there are many examples in literature and even some in history of people who were of two genders or who didn’t identify with any gender at all, or a different one, unknown to man… I never thought much about real-life hermaphrodites. I knew there were people out there who were, by birth, not 100% male or female. I guess, I just never thought about it too much...” he still looked down, strangely somber.  
“Anyway… What I’m getting it is...” he kneaded his hands, still, looking down. “That is what I feel in my head. Thinking about a stranger whom I’ve never met. But when I look at you...” 

He looked at him directly. His eyes loving, a kind smile spreading on his face. “When I look at you, into your eyes, into your soul… Its just my heart that's speaking. And, fool that I am by nature, my heart does not care about confusions of the head.” He moved fluidly off the bench, kneeling in front of the bed suddenly, reaching for Roberts hand, holding it, his smile enough to melt the black-haired-one all over again. 

Elliot went on: “I don’t know… what exactly this means for me, truly. I never thought about my sexuality too much. And as I… already admitted. I don’t have too much experience either way.” His face got a mild, red hue. “truth is… “ he looked down. “a part of me is, uhm, relieved that you’re...er...physically accessible in ways that I’m familiar with. If it should come to that, I mean. Uhm-” His face was beet red now and Robert couldn’t help but laugh a little, his own face feeling warm at the touch of Elliot's fingers on his own, the man he had been dreaming about for weeks now, literally kneeling in front of him…

Maybe not all was lost.

Elliot sighed slightly, looking up again. “But… I really do like you. And… though I don’t know how things might turn out down the line, I… I’d really like to be with you. If...uhm. If you still want to.”  
Robert squeezed his hand slightly, smiling. “If… If you’re sure… you’re okay with this...”  
Elliot chuckled. “Well… I mean… I’ll have to adjust my fantasies about you a little...” He kissed Roberts hand. Then he got up, moving forward quickly, pressing his lips against Roberts suddenly.

Robert sighed against Elliot's lips, true bliss flooding him. He leaned into it immediately, reaching out with his arm to tug the other closer. He felt the man kneel beside him, letting go of his hand, his arms encircling him for the second time on this day, his fingers stroking through Roberts black mane, his other hand sliding across his back. Robert felt all his anxieties fall away, losing himself in the soft tenderness of the kiss. He buried his hand in Elliot's hair, his other around his shoulder.

Robert couldn’t tell how long they continued like this, kissing and stroking eachother, their mingled breaths getting more heated while their hands kept moving from hair to hips and back. But at some point they broke it off. Robert had no idea how he looked but he liked the visual effect this had had on the writer– his collar was loosened, his hair a mess, his lips seeming mildly swollen from kissing. His eyes a mess of molten lust. They all but collapsed next to each other, sitting on the narrow bed, leaning at the wall and themselves. The storm outside had started to die down. Elliot reached out with his hand, grabbing Roberts again, smiling at him, tired. They leaned their heads against each-other, listening to the rain.

Bliss.


	12. Reading Day - I

Robert watered his plants for what felt like an eternity.

He fed the chickens.

He petted the ducklings, sighing.

It had been 9 days since that magical day. Since they had decided to be together, had made out till the sun went down, his heart full of hope and excitement…

He hadn’t seen Elliot, hadn’t heard from him, not even a letter had made its way to his mailbox.

 _Maybe he has changed his mind after all. I know he said it’d be a week till I hear from him again…_

_But he said a week at the most!_

Robert didn’t want to doubt his words. He understood his reasoning. Whenever Elliot was around, he himself could hardly focus on anything else. If the other needed time to review his book and prepare it for publishing, it made sense not to see him for a few days…  
But one and a half weeks?

Robert sighed again when he heard a high voice call out to him: “Heeeeeey! Rooobeeert!”  
He raised his head and saw Leah approaching, a bright smile on her face, waving at him excited. She made her way across the plot to the coop, grinning. “I see you finally got that coop! Those chicks are adorable!”

“Uh, yeah. I really like how plushy they are, still. Its still gonna take about 4 weeks for them to mature...”

Leah nodded, crouching down, petting them. “They’re so soft...” She looked up at him. “So, how’re you doing, Robert? Anything new?”

Robert shook his head, unsure how open he could be with her, how much she knew or if she was the kind of person to gossip around. “It’s… been pretty uneventful. Watering crops, feeding chicks… I did start exploring that old mine the other day and some old dude from the adventurers guild challenged me to kill some slimes.”

“Oooh, exciting… How many did you get?”

“I’m up to eight. They’re not too hard to kill once you get the hang of it. But I’m grateful the elevator is starting to be restored. That mine goes on forever.”

Leah nodded, getting up again. “So, nothing else going on?”

He felt his face color lightly. Did she know?

“Uhm...” He looked to the side. “Demetrius did something to my cave behind the house and now fruit bats are nesting there. So that’s cool.”

“Oh it is, yeah! Uh… I was wondering. Have you seen Elliot lately?”

“Not… uhm. Not since two days after the flower dance. Uhm.” He felt like his face was buzzing now.

“Hm. I haven’t seen him since the day of the dance. He told me he was going to see you soon, but… Well, I had assumed you had maybe seen him more recent. I went by his cabin the other day but he wasn’t home. hadn’t seen him anywhere in town either. I don’t want to worry you. Its probably nothing. He’s just such a creature of habit, its not usually hard to find him… Though I had thought there was a high chance he had been hanging out around here more.”

Robert stared at his feet. _She...She knows, right? She has to know, right?_

“Uh, around here? Why’s that?”

Her face changed expressions for a moment, going from bewilderment to confusion to unbelieving. “I mean...you two...must have… ‘talked’ right?” her eyes lit up in sudden understanding and she took a small step back, seeming embarrassed. “Oh, Oh! I… I see. Well, I mean, if things...er...are like that then I guess, maybe he would be craving some solitude for a few days. Well… okay, then. I guess I’ll be on my way then-”

“Wait, uh-” Robert took a breath, rubbing his face in embarrassment. “I, uh, I see what you think happened. And, er… thats not… it...uh… it didn’t go...badly for him. Uhm. I don’t think that's it.”

Leah blinked, then a smile started spreading on her face again. “Ooooh, does that mean what I think it means?!” She moved from side to side, excited.

Robert felt mildly jarred by her cheerful nature, his shoulders going tense, his back a bit more rigid. “I mean… I don’t know what _exactly_ you think it means, but-”

“Oh, just tell me! Are you a couple now or not?!”

Robert was stunned for a moment, the question hitting him a bit too close for comfort. “I….Uh. I don’t know. We...shared… some close moments. And then he said he wouldn’t see me for a week so he wouldn’t be too distracted. But that was nine days ago. And he said it would _at most_ be a week.” Robert clenched his fists, annoyed how increasingly depressed his voice had gotten, how much he betrayed his feelings to a woman he barely knew.

Leah tensed, sighing. “That...goddamn idiot.”

Robert blinked at her.

She rubbed the root of her nose, clearly annoyed. “He’s been lamenting for _weeks_ how he cannot get you out of his head, how he wants to be with you all the time and from what you’re telling me, it sounds like you were fine with that and he goes and...and….nrrrgh!” She threw her hands up in frustration.

 _He’s… been telling her for weeks?_ Robert couldn’t help but feel a little bit touched that Elliot had felt the need to be so vocal about his feelings towards someone else…

Still. It didn’t explain what had happened.

Leah had turned to him, sighing. “I suppose now I get why you’re so down. Look, Robert, I don’t know what exactly the two of you talked about… but he’s crazy about you, okay? The thing is… he’s crazy about writing too. He may have submerged himself in his work for a bit, but knowing him, I’m sure he’s gonna be all over you before you know it!”

Robert couldn’t bring himself to meet her eyes. It was a tiny bit reassuring to hear someone else say it. Yet he felt like she couldn’t be completely sure either. After all… She didn’t know about his… properties or what that might have changed between them.

Leah patted his shoulder. “I’m sure it’ll be fine. I’ll tell you if I hear anything!” She gave him one more smile and got back onto her way.

Robert stared after her, wondering if she knew anything he didn’t.

Four days later, Robert deeply regretted ever visiting the stupid mine. The day before, one of the duggys had bitten his leg while he had been defending himself against a swarm of cave bats. The savage beast had torn open his flesh, his blood spilling. How he had made it out alive, he wasn’t even sure anymore at this point. Getting to the clinic had been terrible, not just because of the fear, the blood loss and the pain, but mostly because he had felt so insanely alone.

He hadn’t wanted to go and see Elliot before he came back on his own. If the man needed his peace, so be it.  
If had changed his mind and didn’t want to be with someone like him, then that was his right too. 

_But he could at least have the decency to tell me if that’s how he feels..._

His mind had gone back uncomfortably to the moment at the beach when they first met, when he had helped him get away from the fish. The time he’d first visited his farm, rescuing him from his own stupidity and death by dehydration…

But walking to that clinic, hurt and alone, he couldn’t help but wish for him to just appear from somewhere, helping him along or at least, speaking some encouraging words.

After Harvey had stitched him up, he’d lain at home in bed, unable to stop himself from crying. At this point he wasn’t sure if he was being childish or not. They’d shared an afternoon of emotion and closeness, feeling like the build-up to great things that never came. Lying alone in bed, his leg hurting and biting like something was still inside it, biting its way through his sinews, he’d felt more miserable than any other day since coming to the valley.

And now he had to water his crops. His leg blue and swollen, in a cast, hurting like crazy.  
He was back on antibiotics and painkillers of course but at this point, all he wanted was to be supported, alternating between sadness and anger as he did his best to water the cauliflower, hobbling around on his mangled leg. 

_It sure would be nice if I had a boyfriend right now. Then he could help me water my crops. Or maybe even do it for me, seeing how its certainly not good for my leg to do this..._

He grumbled his way through about half of his crops till he felt ready to collapse, the posture hurting his knees and back, making everything ache even more than it already did. He collapsed on the ground, breathing, stretching out in an effort to somehow get his body to stop hurting so bad. He sighed, closing his eyes, willing himself not to cry.

 _Dammit Elliot. Where are you? Why aren’t you with me now? Why can’t you at least keep me company? Then all this wouldn’t be so bad… Do I mean this little to you that you can’t even let me know whats going on?_

He breathed in the fresh air and the smell of fresh soil when he heard the whirring sound of a bike approaching.

“Roooobeeeeert!” Leah was calling for him, apparently stumbling around the field.

Robert made a sound, not wanting her to worry when spotting him. He reached up with one arm, waving. “I’m here… I’m just… taking a little break...”

Leah stepped into his field of vision, standing over him, waving a letter. “You got one too, right?”

Robert stared at her bleary. “I...haven’t checked my mail yet.”

She chuckled, running off again, the metal clanking making clear that she was checking his mailbox. 

“Aha! I was right, of course you got one!” She came back into his field of vision, grinning, waving the letter in front of his face. “Why are you lying on the ground anyway?”

Robert grumbled, snapping the letter. “Because its a comfortable place, you know?”

He opened the letter:

_My dearest Robert,_

_Forgive my tardiness. I never meant to remain away from you for so long. Alas, once I had finally gotten over the loneliness that immediately clutched my heart upon leaving your sweet embrace (which took me several days), things started moving rather quickly. I went from revising the book to making preparations to self-publish and then… well. To get to the point; I will be holding a public reading of my book ‘Blue Station’ in the library in Grampelton at 1pm today. Though it is a bit of a walk and it is short notice, I very much hope to see you there today… But I don’t want to put any undue pressure on you. I’m sure you must be busy with the farm. If you can’t make it, I’ll come by the farm after I’m done… I ache to see you. I truly am sorry I didn’t write to you sooner and I hope I didn’t cause you any undue concern or trouble.  
Love,  
Elliot_

Robert closed his eyes for a moment, breathing. He felt angry that Elliot couldn’t have send him a letter earlier, but he was also relieved and happy to read these lines…

_”...I ache to see you...”_

He let out a wistful sigh, forgetting that Leah was still standing beside him. “Sounds like some letter...” She grinned at him. And he felt his face blush. He grumbled. “I’m...uh. Well. Where is Grampelton, anyway? And why is he holding his reading here? Why not just at the library here?”  
Leah laughed, snorting. “Because he’s a doofus. He thinks everyone will know he wrote the book with you in mind. I told him, nobody would unless he acted like an embarrassed teenager but he wouldn’t hear of it. In Grampelton, there’s a much smaller chance people from Pelican town will attend the reading. So, did you make out or not?”  
Robert made a snorting sound, sitting up quickly, wincing in pain. His face was burning hot and his leg felt like someone was squeezing the wound in a particularly skin-tearing way.  
“I...uh..:What?!”

Leah laughed again though her gaze wandered to Roberts leg, mild worry entering her amusement. “Come on. I know Elliot had the hots for you since forever and with what you told me and with the way you just stared at that letter just now... I mean, you do not have a look on your face that says ‘my platonic friend is holding a book reading', you know? It is a little obvious... so Just tell me what actually happened so I’ll finally know!”  
Robert looked down, kneading his hands. “Uh. Can’t you just ask Elliot?”

Leah laughed. “Well, he isn’t here and I want to know. Besides… you do want to go to his reading, right?”

Robert nodded.

“Well, its 11am already. Looking at your feet, I think you might be needing some help getting your crops watered. And getting you to Grampelton won’t be easy either. Am I right?”

Robert nodded again, keeping his head down, embarrassed.

“So come on! I’ve been dying to know.. You really just have to nod again or shake your dead…. Did Elliot give you the smooches?”

Robert felt his head make a pronounced nodding motion and proceeded to hide his face while Leah squealed in excitement. “Finally! Hehe, I knew it would work out! Now… where’s that watering can?”

\---------------------------------------------

Elliot looked outside the window nervously. The mayor of Grampelton had been exceedingly nice about allowing him to use the library and though Elliot found himself a bit unfamiliar with the building, he was grateful for being able to use it. He knew of course that Leah was right; If he kept a cool head, no one would ever know that he’d been writing this book with only one person in mind.  
He just wasn’t sure if he could do that with people he saw in town almost everyday. If someone asked him at Pierre’s or at the saloon about one of the more salacious scenes or his inspiration or how quickly he had written this book, he would have to vigilant every time how he answered. Being over in the neighboring town lowered his chance for people from pelican town to be here…

He had only notified Leah and Robert that this event was happening anyway. Seeing Mayor Lewis enter the library wasn’t too much of a surprise though…  
He felt like swallowing his tongue when he saw that he had a bunch of people from pelican town in tow though. The elderly couple who lived by the square, Jodi, Caroline, Abigail as well as Robin came in with him and started taking seats.  
With these few, he was at more than 30 listeners already and his nervousness seemed to grow to unknown heights. 

He had wanted this for so long and yet he felt incredibly anxious. Of course there had been talk in college about how to deal with these situation – the excitement, the inevitable disappointment, the usual way these things went…

Elliot knew that the common theme was for people to be dripping in at first, then dripping out again after the reader was done with the first third of the first chapter. Usually, only a third of the total amount of people remained till the end of chapter 2 which was the common amount that was read at such events.

Yet, he didn’t know how to prepare himself for the possibility that he were to put down his book and find the room empty. Whoever read out loud could gaze into the audience every so often. But looking up and finding less and less people every time, those wishing to leave watching for the moments when his eyes were glued to the page, fearing the embarrassment of being spotted leaving, spotted showing how little they cared about the artists work who only asked that they listened till he was done…

_I wish Robert were here..._

His heart was heavy. At first it had been terrible not to see him, his body and mind aching to at least be near him. After a few days it had eased and he had been able to write with greater drive than even before, his new-found joy in love spurring his imagination, helping him to fine-tune the subtle nuances of romance in the book as well as making him strangely more alert to any errors in consistency. The days had flown past, really. A few phone calls here, some more writing there, arranging for the venue..

Only during print his mind had started sputtering.

Something yesterday had kept him ill at ease. Like he really needed to check on Robert. Like seeing him couldn’t possibly wait another day. Like something terrible would happen if he didn’t…

But he couldn’t. He sat in the copy-shop, waiting for his books. Given that he was a small-town unknown artist, he had decided to self-publish in the most basic way possible, printing 50 copies of his book, dragging the heavy box home himself to sell them somehow, somewhere. Hopefully.

_12:55… I suppose I better get ready._

He gazed into the small crowd, searching for that tell-tale tuft of black hair but came up empty. _He’s probably to busy. Or maybe he doesn’t know where Grampelton is… Oh dear me, I hope he didn’t get lost-_  
His mind sputtered for a moment before he remembered to keep calm again. Robert could look after himself and after the reading, he could go check on him immediately. 

_Maybe then I’ll finally be more at ease..._

\-------------------------------------------------------------

“It’s already 1:10! He must’ve already started!” Robert desperately tried holding onto Leah while she drove her bike down the dirt-path like a madwoman.

“Without you? That's highly unlikely!”

“No, he did say in the letter I shouldn’t feel pressuuuuuuured to come!” They had driven over an extended gravel-way, swishing into town-

“But you know he desperately wants you to be there, right? You just know.. He’ll be gazing into the masses, his heart growing ashen for he cannot perceive your face among the crowds...”

“Will you stop making fun of him?”

Leah laughed again. They finally reached the library. “I’m sorry, your reaction is too adorable. Blame Elliot, he’s been spouting love poems at me forever and how he’s oh-so-suffering in his adoration for you… And your face is red again, if you didn’t know...”

“Gee, thanks! I wonder why...”

When they stopped in front of the library, Robert felt queasy. He had never liked riding a bike in the first place – sitting on a bike rack with a mangled leg while a someone else drove in an unknown direction way too fast had been a bit much…

He leaned to the wall, closing his eyes, breathing. _This is fine… just breathe… it will be fine.. you’re not gonna be sick..._

“Well, 1:15. You wanna go in or you’ll need a minute?”

Robert wheezed, motioning with his finger that he needed time.

Today would have made him nervous if he had been healthy, dressed well and on time.

But he was injured, speckled in dirt and fifteen minutes late. To boost, Leah was also covered in mud specks due to helping him with the farm.

Robert groaned. Elliot was always impeccably dressed. Would he even appreciate having him there, looking like this? What if they were seen together? How would that make him look to others?

“I… I don’t know if this was a good idea...”

Leah finished locking her bike and came up to him. “What do you mean? We hurried like hell to get here.”

“Yeah, but...” he rubbed his arm, feeling uncomfortable. “I mean...I’m not sure… if we’re not disturbing, you know? We’re late, I’m limping, I’m dirty...”

Leah made a huffing sound. “If you weren’t injured I’d just drag you in there. Come on, we’re going in.”

“But...”

“No. We’re going.” She took his arm and lead him inside as fast as his leg would let him.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When they came in, they could hear Elliot reading somewhere nearby.

The Grampelton library was about the same size as the one in Pelican town, but instead of a museum section it contained a bigger reader area that was surprisingly enough containing more than two dozen people. Leah had been here before a few times, mostly to look up botanical books, but she couldn’t quite say she liked the place too much. Pelican towns library had the upside of having the typical musk of a museum; The smell of carefully preserved minerals mixed with wood polish and an air of dried knowledge. This place felt like a lot of kids spend their time here with the air being just a tiny bit damper than usual, the aroma of tangerines and pretzels hanging in the air still, despite most of the crowd being adults.

Elliot stood on a small podium, reading out his story in a clear and measured voice that barely showed emotional involvement.

Leah sighed quietly. She knew him well enough to realize that he was probably vibrating from nervousness, his insecurity probably being even worse than usual because he barely knew any of these people. _He needs motivation to do better. He needs to see that Robert is here so he’ll want to impress him-_

Leah looked around. She had let go of Roberts arm when they had finally come in as he had been by her side, resigned in his fate by then, but now she couldn’t-  
He was half-hiding behind a shelf, anxiously staring towards the podium.

_Oh my god, you idiots..._

She walked back to him, grabbed his arm and started hauling him forward. Robert winced quietly, clearly in pain, trying to stay back “Nonono, I can’t go into view..:” he whispered, shaking his head. “I’ll just distract him, I can’t...”

“You can and you have to and I’m making you...” Leah stayed as quiet as she could, maneuvering him to a space where he would still be in back but very visible from the podium, hoping it was the right thing to do.

_But he did want him here. And if he can’t handle seeing him while reading in front of so many strangers, maybe he should have picked a different profession_

Leah watched Elliot's eyes for the moment when he would take a measured look into the audience for just a second. The story appeared to concern some kind of restless law-officer taking a train-ride through misty forests, longing for tranquility…  
Elliot looked into the audience between sentences and froze for a second. His mouth opened slightly in mild surprise and his demeanor changed ever so slightly, becoming less tense and more open towards the crowd, a small smile spreading on his face. His cadence almost immediately improved, his voice seemingly fuller as he appeared to be gaining enthusiasm and confidence.  
Leah grinned, patting Roberts arm encouragingly, keeping him from going back behind a shelf.

_Sure seems like that did the trick._

They listened to him reading another chapter, people clearly more taken with his improved style of reading as he continued the story. The Second chapter introduced another cast memberjust as the mystery of the train etched into the scenario. Leah couldn’t help but get interested into the actual content of the story, vowing silently to get a copy herself while Elliot spoke of the apparently enchanting nature of his protagonists new companion, his passion in his work clearly showing through now.  
Once he was done, a number of people started crowding in on him, making it impossible for the time being to get to him.

Leah sat down next to Robert, smiling. She had maneuvered him to sit a while ago but had felt to excited to do so herself until the actual reading was done. “Well, that went great, I’d say.”

Robert nodded, gazing to the talkative crowd and back to Leah. “It was… different than what I’d expected. I’m glad we didn’t distract him...”

Leah patted his arm again, affectionately. “You two… you’re like the most anxious couple of not-teenagers-that-act-like-teenagers I’ve ever seen.”

Robert made a face. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

She laughed softly, good-natured. “You’re both so anxious all the time to not be to intrusive towards the other, acting like you’re both a pair of delicate flowers that could be hurt by the slightest touch. Its cute, but also very silly.”

Robert grumbled, his brows furrowing. He folded his arms, a thoughtful look on his face and Leah couldn’t help laughing again, rubbing his arm. “Oh come on. I don’t mean it in a bad way. Can’t you tell how much you helped him by being here?”

Robert shrugged. “I don’t know about that. He’s a pretty good reader either way.”  
“Oh you gotta be kidding… it was a snore-fest till we got here. He had zero confidence up there till he saw you!”

Robert made a noncommittal sound. “You’re his friend too. I’m sure he was happy to have your support as much as mine.”

Leah lowered her voice “Well, I know for a fact he wasn’t thinking of _me_ when writing this book, so don’t you think it might be possible that he felt a bit more… validated in having enough of your approval for you to make your way here?”

Roberts face seemed to gain a tiny bit of color. He looked away again.

She sighed quietly. “You know… No matter how things turn out between you, I really think you’ve already changed his life for the better in a lasting way.” She got out a bottle of water, taking a sip, watching as the crowd slowly started to disperse a bit, only a few people waiting to speak to her writer friend now. “I haven’t seen him this happy- ever. I remember well how he was when he first came to the valley. Very stubborn to prove himself and pull a brave face, like living alone by the sea was the fulfillment of his greatest dream. But he was so miserable and lonely. He hardly made contact with anyone. It took weeks of patient small talk to coax him out enough to even go foraging with me. Getting him to talk about his passion in arts was another long fight.” She smiled, remembering. “I had to get him really drunk before he actually started opening up to me. Don’t know where I got the patience.”

Robert looked at her now, genuinely interested now. “Why _did_ you try to befriend him? It sounds like it was a bit of a pain to getting to know him...”

She sighed. “Yeah… well. I didn’t really have anyone myself. I tried becoming friendly with some of the villagers – Penny, Sam, Abigail… I do consider them positive acquaintances. But none of them were interested in art the way I was and all of them seemed very involved in their own life's. It just didn’t really click, you know. I had only moved to town shortly before he did so we were kinda both the new people in town. And with him I didn’t… have that feeling of non-connection. He just seemed unused to contact. Like someone had hurt him really bad and he’d just crawled into a shell and never bothered to come out, deflecting all personal questions. Connecting through art is how we very slowly build up a friendship… or at least, that's what I think we did.” She sipped some more water.

Robert nodded. “I do think he’s very fond of you.”

She smiled at him, almost sadly. “Probably. You may have noticed that he’s not very good at actually talking about what he feels. I don’t even know how he managed to tell you anything.”

Roberts face grew redder again. They watched in silence for a moment as Elliot finished talking to a suit and started packing up his remaining books, clearing the table.

Leah got up, moving her shoulders for a moment, relaxing her neck. “He really has changed though. Until you came along, much of his poetry had to do with tranquil suffering, the torment of storms, the tragedy of ending summers and all that. His writing was good on a technical level but there was always that distance present. Like he was afraid to actually feel what his characters were feeling.” She gave Robert a warm smile. “I could practically tell when he started falling for you by how his poetry suddenly changed. A lot more sun and flowery metaphors for positive feelings. You know. Until they became straight-up love-poems.” She smiled and gave Robert a quick hug. He made a sputtering sound, not really returning it, but it didn’t matter to her. She was overcome with joy at the affections developing in front of her eyes and happy that one of her few friends in the valley was finally becoming a more joyous person. “I’ll be outside for a few minutes now. I’ll catch up with you two outside.” She winked at him, making her way out, while he still stared after her, confused.


	13. Reading Day - II

Elliot was still buzzing. He tried keeping his movements calm and precise but he felt like he was about to vibrate through the ground. 

Seeing Robert in the audience, giving him a shy smile, had changed the entire experience and probably the outcome of this day.

When he had started out he had felt almost alienated by the audience. They had stared at him and suddenly he had felt like none of them really wanted to be there. Like all of them were just there to see him fail, to see him embarrass himself as publicly as possible and in the end, all of them would have gone. The room would have cleared and he would have been alone. In his head, at this point his parents had appeared. Reminding him how they’d always known he was a failure. Had no future. That he could work his whole life and never amount to anything unless he’d go back to them and become their puppet.  
For the rest of his life.

He had greeted the audience, thanked them for being there, his innards clammy and cold. Monitoring his voice and cadence as he read, trying to keep composure. It wasn’t that he was an unsociable person or anything. He had no problems with crowds, he liked talking to people, even if they usually didn’t connect with him much, on a personal level. But reading out the culmination of his hopes and dreams in front of more people than he had expected, most of them strangers… it was daunting.

When he had looked up, seeing Leah and Robert…

His whole outlook had suddenly changed.

It didn’t matter if anyone else was there. If he would succeed with this book or if noone would buy it. 

He knew Robert would read it. Leah too, he was certain. They would stay until the end. They would support him even if others didn’t. They wouldn’t judge or shun him, no matter what.

His parents and all the critics in the world could do nothing to him.

He had given himself a moment to absorb their presence – Leah's big grin, pointing at Robert, winking, - Robert, seemingly a bit uncomfortable with the venue but smiling at him, shy, yet pure, his eyes so trusting, so close-

Then he had continued reading for them. He’d felt the weight leave his shoulders, felt the worry and nervousness fly away. He was finally here. Living his dream.

When he was done he didn’t really expect anything to happen. He had closed the book, noting that anyone who wanted could buy a book but that he was happy enough for anyone who had been there. 

That he was hoping they had had a good time, giving them a genuine smile. He was positively surprised that there were still more than 30 people around, yet the people he cared about somewhat immediately became impossible to see as he was suddenly swarmed with people. Wanting to buy signed books – some of them more than one. Asking him about inspirations and themes and if he would please call their offices.

Elliot looked at the business cards in his hand, turning them in his fingers before putting them into his west pocket. Two Editors and an agent.  
His heart made a jump.  
He truly hadn’t had any expectations of anyone reaching out to him any time soon. Having three people from the literally field not only attend his reading but wanting to have more contact with him was positively stunning.

Elliot sighed, closing his eyes.

He felt terrible leaving Robert with no note whatsoever for this amount of time. And after the other would have been insecure about their standing in regards to his physical properties too! The truth of that matter was, that it didn’t matter to him what organs the man had or didn’t have. In the days while he had been trying to get his head back to be productive, there had been a large amount of strong imagery distracting him, all of them rather graphically having to do with the two of them becoming closer.

None of which had been bothered by the new information. At this point, he didn’t feel like it was a big deal anyway. He liked Robert for who he was as a person. Physical configuration seemed a rather marginal aspect in that. 

And it was high time he made that clear.

\-----------------------------------

Robert still sat in his chair, expectantly. Elliot had just made his way down the podium and was walking towards him and he just didn’t know how he should react. Smile? Wave him over? Make a face because Elliot had kept him in the dark for so long?  
In the end he knew his face probably looked a mess of uncertain feelings, shy smile and lingering frustration. _Probably how I look most of the time anyway..._

“Hey...” Elliot came closer, giving him and almost shy smile, his face mildly flushed.

Robert tried hiding his injured leg under the chair, not even sure why he did it. “Hi...” 

The writer put down his box of remaining books on another chair and sat down next to Robert, sighing, not meeting his eyes. “I’m sorry I didn’t contact you. I didn’t think I’d take so long to get things settled and once I got everything going I didn’t want to stop till I was done...” He glanced at him, his eyes almost puppy-like.

Robert took a breath, reminding himself how depressed he had been in the past few days. If he gave in too easy now, he would possibly be setting a standard as to how Elliot would handle such things in the future. And he never wanted to dangle on a threat like that again.

Elliot looked thoughtful now, continuing. “I hope I didn’t… make you feel too uneasy. I know you were feeling a bit insecure about what we talked about...”

Robert looked around a moment, wondering if anyone was listening in. He gave Elliot a warning look. “I appreciate what you’re saying and I really _don’t_ want you to leave me hanging dry like that ever again, but...you did just do a public reading here. There are still some people milling around. Maybe we should talk somewhere else...”

Elliot blinked and took a look around. Some people where indeed still in the room but none too close to be listening in too much. “If it makes you more comfortable- of course. I just wanted to say...” He took Roberts hand, looking at him sincerely. “It will never happen again. I promise.”

He stared at the writer who was looking at him with sincerity and pain in his eyes, his warm hands clasping his right one. He couldn’t help being stunned at the purity of emotion in front of him, the writers intentions seeming so honest and clear.

He looked to the side, trying to not do something rash. “I… I hope so...” His voice was a bit rough. 

“Uhm...”

Elliot gave him a questioning look. “What is it?”

“I… I just think. We should probably get going. I don’t want others to think… I mean…you holding my hand like this, sitting with me like this...uhm... I don’t want to be….uh...accidentally clouding your public reputation in any direction just by being...uh...”  
Elliot looked thoughtful for a moment, his brows furrowing, before he seemed to understand. “Oh. You’re worried that I might not want people to think that I’m attracted to men.” He started moving closer to him slowly. “And you fear people might think that, and talk about that, because we’re in a public venue were I just did a very public thing.”  
Robert nodded, still looking down, the urge to give into at least hugging the other almost painfully strong. He had missed him so much and he was clearly sorry and there was clearly no point in denying his impulses just to prove a point…  
Elliot moved even closer, his head now beside Roberts, his lips so near to his ear that Robert could feel the mans breath tickle him. “If it makes you uncomfortable to be recipient of my affections in public, I will not add to your duress... ” His voice was a low murmur against Roberts ear as the man leaned his head against him softly, adding: “...but if all you fear is my reputation forever being associated with kissing a very handsome man in public… then I’ll have you know I’d gladly have kissed you in front of everyone who was here earlier, if you had so desired.”  
Robert shivered at his words, dizzy with embarrassment and arousal, shocked that the other would really be so bold as to act like this in such a moment. “Uh...I...errr...” His brain was a tumbling mess of warm fog. He couldn’t think. Elliot s mouth was still so close to his ear, his breath so warm…  
Elliot moved back, blushing, his smile much shyer than his previous words would have indicated. “However, I don’t want to make you more uncomfortable, obviously-”  
Robert leaned forward, kissing him, straining to keep his eyes open this time, watching Elliot's reaction. The writer seemed startled for less than a second before leaning into the kiss, his eyes fluttering shut. Robert stroked his face with the back of his hand, the other shuddering in response.  
They indulged little more than a moment before they separated again, trying to keep their breathing even. Robert smiled shyly, enjoying the almost tormented look of longing blooming on Elliot's face. “Well, guess we better get outside now, right?” 

\----------------------------------------------------

Elliot helped Robert make his way outside, feeling guilty. He had his arm around him, propping him up to take pressure of his leg. His body was still flying high but his mind was weighed by guilt.

_I made him come here. With his leg being like that… Because I didn’t know. Because I didn’t bother checking in on him._

He suppressed another sigh, knowing it was pointless to keep apologizing. He had the box with his remaining books under his other arm and tried to come up with a practical way to get both the books and Robert back to Pelican town. Outside, he spotted Leah, leaning against the wall beside the entrance, waiting for them. “Hey, there you two are. So Elliot, how is it? Are you happy with the turnout?”

Elliot smiled at her, happy she had waited for them. “Yes. It was quite a few more people than I thought it would be… and...” he paused, trying to sort through his mind. “It... does mean a lot to me that you came.”

Leah gave a warm smile. “It was my pleasure.” She looked at them, calculating for a moment. “As I see it, celebrations are in order. But you two look like you got unfinished business. How about we meet up at the saloon tonight? Do you guys wanna borrow my bike so Robert will have an easier time getting back home?”

“That… would be a great help, actually. It would certainly be better than hobbling…” Robert gave Leah a tight but honest smile. 

Elliot looked at him for a moment before turning back to Leah. “And yeah, sure, meeting at the saloon would be nice… Hold on a moment...” he turned back to Robert. “Are you okay to stand by yourself for a moment?” Robert nodded. Elliot let go of him carefully, placing his box on the ground. He tried coming up with something to say but his mind was entirely blank.

_Come on. You’ve been friends for a year. You can do this. Just do it..._

He stepped forward, giving Leah a quick, awkward hug. “Thank you for being here and for getting Robert here. Your support means a lot.” he let go of her quickly, his hands twitching, his head low, embarrassed at what he had just done.  
There was a moment of silence between the three of them, Leah smiling delighted. “...That must have been really hard for you to do.”  
Elliot nodded emphatically, still not looking up.

Leah held out the key to her bike-lock. “Well, It was my pleasure being here and helping you guys out. See you at the saloon tonight, yeah? Around 7?”

“That… yeah. See you then.” Elliot nodded at her awkwardly. Robert gave her a wave. “Thanks again, Leah. I really couldn’t have made it here without you.” 

The artist winked at them again, turning, a knowing smile on her face as she walked away.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------

They made their way back slowly, Elliot's book-box strapped to the bike rack, Robert rolling slowly beside the walking writer, his injured foot kept on one of the pedals.

“Soo… I saw your book cover.”

“I’d assume so. There were a few lying around...”

“The cover looked nice…”

Elliot chuckled. “Indeed. I love how Leah captured the essence of the protagonists loneliness. Empty train-cars in a foggy forest… it might seem a little on the nose since its literally the opening of the book, but I still think it captures the very essence of that feeling...”

Robert smiled. It was a sunny day and though his leg still hurt, making his way through the field paths with Elliot by his side was more bliss than he could have hoped for just this morning. He gave the man a quick look before focusing on the dirt road again. “So… your pen name.”

Elliot sighed quietly. “Yeah?” Robert looked at him for a moment. The writer was staring into the sky, avoiding his gaze. “B.Y. Elliot?”

“Yeaaah...” he sounded pained.

“So… what gives?”

Elliot stopped for a moment, thinking. They had reached the bridge connecting Grampelton Fields with Pelican Town. It wasn’t far now but the writer seemed determined to stay here for a minute. He walked up and down on the spot, making a sound like he was about to say something several times, then stopping.  
He looked troubled.  
Robert got off the bike carefully, leaning it against the railing. He hobbled to Elliot's side, bracing himself on the railing with one hand, putting his right arm around Elliot's back. The writer sighed quietly, placing his arm around Robert in turn, both of them looking out onto the water.

“I...” he looked down, rubbing his face for a moment. “I put my last name in front. Shortening it so I wouldn't have to… So that...” He squeezed his eyes shut, breathing heavy.  
Robert rubbed his back, leaning his head against the mans shoulder, waiting.  
Elliot shook his head slightly, taking a deep breath. He opened his eyes, looking at Robert sadly. “Its… obviously my parents last name. ‘Bronwyn-Yates’.” His voice was bitter as he spat the name out. “Its like a stain that will not leave me. Sure, I could have come up with an entirely different pseudonym. But somehow, I… I just… I just couldn’t let it go.”

Robert put slight pressure on his right shoulder, making him turn to the side, embracing him. Elliot sighed, laying his head on Roberts shoulder, holding on to him. “When I looked into the audience earlier, before you got there… I’d felt so alone. I was convinced, once I stopped reading, the room would be empty, safe for my parents, appearing from I know not where. Telling me how’d they’d always been right. That I would never make it, never stepping out of their shadow…” He shook his head, burying it in Roberts shoulder.  
Roberts leg had started burning more with more pressure on it but he didn’t want to let go in this moment for any reason. The weight the other carried with him seemed immeasurable.

Robert hadn’t had a great relationship with his parents. They’d tried doing what they thought was their duty as parents and supported him through his adolescence whenever they agreed with his actions. Whenever they didn’t they just didn’t stand in his way. Robert had no ill will towards them but he wasn’t close either. It had always felt like he was a job to them. Nothing to connect them but the blood they happened to share. No joint interests, hobbies or even much of an overlapping taste in food. He didn’t know if he loved them anymore but he sure as hell didn’t hate them.

Where Elliot's parents were concerned, Robert felt burning rage consuming him. They had tried training their beautiful son to behave like a pet. Performing tricks when it suited them, following the path they had laid out for his life, controlling his every choice in who he could be as a person until he separated himself completely. Leaving him all alone to find his way lest he’d return to a life of oppression.

Robert tried putting all of his weigh on his healthy leg, gently rubbing Elliot's back, softly moving his head against him. Elliot still clasped him tight, taking a deep breath. He moved, kissing Roberts temple and cheek, leaning his forehead against him a moment longer before standing up straight again. He laid his hands on Roberts shoulders. “Sorry. I...”  
Robert shook his head, kissing him softly. “No need.”  
Elliot closed his eyes another second, smiling sadly. “What I meant to say...” He looked at him, green eyes growing lighter. “I felt terrible when I started reading. And then you showed up.” His smile grew brighter. “And suddenly, I… I knew nothing else mattered. If everyone else would have left… I knew, you – and Leah too – would have remained. And that's all that mattered to me in that moment. Its what gave me the strength to go through it with an open heart and positive energy, instead of closing myself off to the audience, probably alienating them all.” He kissed his forehead. “You did that for me. And I will never forget it.” He gave him a soft, almost chaste kiss, emotion heavy on his face, sighing. “Anyway… I think I’ve kept you on your bad leg long enough.”

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

They made their way back to the farm slowly, their conversation becoming more relaxed, discussing what other literature had been released recently and what first-time-authors might now be considered as Elliot's peers thought the eyes of the editors and critics. When they got to the property, Robert was eager to get inside to prop his leg up, asking Elliot to let the chicks out of the coop for the moment. 

He walked over, his mind afloat, opening the little hatch that allowed the animals free roam inside the fenced area. The first chick to come out gave him an almost confused look, gawking annoyed. Elliot grinned, entering the coop to shush them all out. While the chicks seemed genuinely disturbed by his sudden appearance, the ducklings watched him with something that might almost be called curiosity, their soft feathers having become stronger and more firm now that they slowly made their way through adolescence. Elliot stroked one of them gently, remembering the moment he’d first seen them fondly.  
Ducklings were quite a bit more expensive than chicks, he knew that. Robert had gotten them because he had somehow known that Elliot liked duck feathers, even before they had started becoming involved. He would have had to have ordered them even before the flower dance…

He felt his legs go clammy, sudden emotion threatening to overwhelm him.

 _Robert… I...I..._ He dared not think it but his heart was over-spilling with love, so needy and desperate and warm and _wanting_.

He set the duckling back on the ground, shushing it out with the others, feeling warm and ridiculous. 

He was standing in a coop with a bunch of poultry and this was were he realized the depth of his feelings? Couldn’t he at least have followed more of a dramatic cliché? Earlier they had been standing on a romantic cobblestone bridge, Roberts lovely sight with a backdrop of sun, forests and a beautiful river… The perfect space to confess. Only his head hadn’t caught up with his heart yet…

 _Besides...What if… What if I’m coming onto him too strong? I’m so needy. I don’t want to scare him off..._

He left the coop, thinking. He had left Robert alone for almost two weeks. Today he had been monopolizing his day with his public Ego-outlet, cried on his shoulder while the mans leg had to have been hurting him a lot and would later be taking him to the saloon to get his ego fed more.  
No one could be surprised if the man ended up showing some amount of resentment over that sudden switch in gears paired with Elliot's not-so-mild egocentricity. Confessing to him how deep exactly he felt seemed like a recipe for a break-up.

Elliot sighed deeply. Why did all of this have to be so difficult? Why couldn’t they just _be_? Why did he respond so strongly any time he saw him, barely being able to keep from touching him all the time?

He walked back to the house, trying to come up with an approach on what to do now. It was already past 5pm. Going back home and meeting up later hardly seemed like a good option. Not that he’d want to leave. What would he do if he got back to his cabin anyway?

He went inside, finding Robert collapsed on his bed, above the sheets, a pillow underneath his leg. He had taken off the cast and swathed the leg in what looked like a wet towel. His eyes were closed.  
Elliot remained by the door, considering his options, glancing at the leg in another wave of guilt and worry.  
If he left now and came back before going to the saloon, he would give the man some much-needed rest and possibly some appreciated alone-time after he had dominated his day.

On the other hand, Robert had said he didn’t like the feeling of Elliot abandoning him…  
He stepped closer, his gaze traveling over Roberts facial features- all strong cheek bones and softness around the eyes- trembling ever-so-slightly.

_I love you_

He closed his eyes, stilling his breath, containing the thought before it broke out of him, wrecking everything they were building. It was too early to say it, much too early if contemporary romance-fiction was to be believed. He cursed his inability to form lasting relationships in his previous life. If he at least had friends in long-time relationships he could ask them for advice. How did one know how to approach such things without being blinded by love and desire?

Robert stirred in his sleep, one hand grasping around on the sheets. “gnnelliot?” He sounded confused, his voice still muffled. Elliot stepped forward, reaching for his hand. “I’m here...”  
Robert squeezed his hand, relaxing again. “mmm... good… worried you had left me again...”  
Elliot kissed his hand, feeling his eyes water a tiny bit. Why did he have to feel _so much_ all the time?

Robert moved over closer to the wall, clearly half asleep, trying to pull him closer. Elliot let it happen, hesitantly moving onto the bed. “C-careful...your leg.”  
Robert mumbled something unintelligible, moving his leg more into the corner, reaching out with his other arm, trying to reach Elliot's shoulder. Guided by Roberts unsteady hands, the writer kept moving closer, nervous warmth blooming in his chest until he finally gave into the wandering pulling hands, lying down beside him. Robert made a happy sound, snuggling up to him, their arms around each-other, Robert burying his face against his shoulder, his forehead on height with Elliot's mouth.  
The writer kissed him almost on reflex, overwhelmed by the sensation as a whole. They had spend quite a bit of time making out before, but they had never laid in bed together at any occasion and it had never felt this...calm. His body was reacting strongly to Roberts touch but not in the expected ways. His touch just felt so _good_. Like it stilled a part of him that had hurt for so long, relief after an eternity of suffering he knew not what. Roberts strong hands pressing him close, the man half-asleep but clear in his wanting to just be close to him…  
Elliot breathed deeply, finally letting go of his worries. Serene peace spread through him as the pain in his soul began to subside. He kissed Roberts forehead, adjusted the pillow and relaxed against him, holding him close.  
Now he just had to be careful not to fall asleep.


	14. Harvest Day

Robert woke from being moved very softly, heavy sleep still grasping after him. “hmnmhn?” His leg was moved carefully. It burned so much he felt it even though the fuzziness of half-sleep. He winced quietly.

“Sorry. It should be better in a moment.”

Robert opened his eyes bleary, trying to get his environment into focus. He felt a cool cloth being wrapped around his leg, easing the pain. He sighed quietly, blinking. Elliot was moving about the room, raising his leg now to put the pillow under it again. The light was on in the small house, darkness looming behind the windows. Robert cleared his throat. “What time is it?”

Elliot sat down beside him, taking his hand. “Twenty past six. I didn’t want to wake you before it was really necessary...”

Robert made a mumbling sound, trying to get his head straight. Elliot was stroking his hand in a slow, rather distracting way, making the thinking-process even more difficult. “I can’t… I can’t get my head together.”

Elliot nodded. “I know its been a very exhausting day for you.” He kissed his hand, smiling at him and Robert felt himself smile back, making a soft sound.

He felt almost unreasonably happy at the simple fact that Elliot was still here, That he hadn’t left him alone to sleep or anything else. Robert marveled at his sight for a moment. He had taken off his coat at one point, now wearing an eggshell-white linen shirt unbuttoned just far enough to show off the a small corner of his chest, old-style brown suspenders to go with it.

Despite this stimulating sight, he felt dead tired, the thought of doing much of anything else but sleep seeming like an unnecessary waste of energy.

 _But Leah wanted to meet us…._ He groaned in realization as to _why_ exactly Elliot had woken him right at this time. 

Elliot chuckled, apparently sensing his discomfort. “You don’t have to come to the Saloon with me if you don’t want to.”

Robert gave him a pained smile. “I… I planned on coming with you. But I’m so tired. And my leg hurts so much...”

The writer stroked his hand, concerned. “I saw the wound when I changed your towel just now. It does look ghastly.” He looked down, seeming unhappy. “I hesitate to think how it must’ve been walking around on that...”

Robert squeezed his hand. “Its… okay. Really. Probably looks worse in this light then it really is.” They shared a look, the black-haired-one realizing how little convincing he sounded, Elliot seeming like he didn’t believe a word – guilt heavy on his face. He sighed. “I really don’t mind if you don’t accompany me. In fact, I think I’d rather know you to be resting here than coming to a public place where you’ll undoubtedly feel uncomfortable after such a day. But I need you to at least eat something before sleeping through the night.  
Robert groaned. “I don’t feel like eating...”  
The other gave him a worried look. “I might be overstepping my boundaries… But from what I gather, you were injured last night, didn’t eat, barely ate this morning because you said you couldn’t stomach much and haven’t really eaten since then. At all.” he squeezed his hand with both of his, eyes pleading. “You can’t heal right if you can’t keep up your strength. I gather, the antibiotics might be wrecking your appetite, but… I just...” he sighed again, shrugging. “It may not be my place to tell you what to do, but I’m… worried about you. I care about you and I will worry for you all night long unless I see you eat something before I go.”

Robert sighed. “I think I still got some toast around somewhere, maybe...”

Elliot’s brows furrowed. For just a moment he seemed angry but it was over before Robert was sure what he had seen. The writer got up and started rummaging in Roberts fridge, checking what supplies were available. “hmm… you still got some fish and leek around...”  
Robert had set up what few kitchen utensils he had the most pragmatic way possible – his single hot plate set up on the small birch table, stacked boxes with knifes, spices and other supplies piled onto the window sill. He watched the writer roll up his sleeves, exposing his unreasonably muscular forearems before grabbing a knife and board, preceding to cut up the leek. His movements seemed rigid. Robert watched silently as he cleaned the fish quickly, walking down to the bathroom in between to get water, strange silence hovering around him.

“...Are you mad at me?” Robert looked into his direction but dared not look up to the height of his eyes, afraid to actually see the anger towards him.

Elliot sighed exasperated, leaning on the table, facing away, tense. It seemed to take forever for him to answer. “I… no. Not really. Maybe I’m mad at myself.” He sighed again, throwing the fish into the pot, putting the lid on. He turned, scratching an exposed forearm, his head held low. “I’m...” He shook his head, sitting down heavy on the bench. “I just feel too much.” He met Roberts eyes with an almost melancholic sad expression. “I’m not used to...feeling this close to anyone. To care so painfully much about another person.” He kneaded his hands again, shrugging. “I… left you alone for two weeks. I retreated into my own little world, leaving you hanging without much of a word on why I was taking so long to get back to you… For me to expect you to… conform to my expectations about how you should take care of yourself or what choices you should and shouldn’t make about your health… that's…. egocentric as hell. This whole day is like a big jerk-move on my part. I didn’t check on you last night, expected you to be well to come to my stupid reading, then proceeded to make you feel like you had to prop me up physically while I lamented about my terrible rich parents while your leg must’ve been killing you. Then after you justifiably fall asleep after such an ordeal and just want to rest, I get mad at you for not having the energy to eat anything other than some toast?” He hid his head in his hands, groaning. “I’m such a jerk. I’m sorry. I’m just… I’m so sorry.” He sighed again, getting up, stirring the pot, pouring water in and preceded to rummage around in the spice box, adding some things. “I’m gonna finish making this soup and then it will be up to you if you eat it or not. I understand if you don’t want to… Especially after I’ve… acted so exceedingly idiotic.”

Robert hid his face in his hands, unable to cope with the sheer amount of self-loathing the writer was expressing here. He swallowed a sob, letting his hands fall to hug himself, trembling slightly. He knew he was breathing too heavy but his heart felt like it was just put through the wringer and looking at the clock, knowing that Elliot was certainly going to be late for meeting Leah because he was still here _making food for him_ because he couldn’t take the thought of him not eating properly, because he _cared too much_ to leave him by himself with his sad piece of toast and was now convinced that...that…

He let out a tiny sob still, unable to contain himself. “Why do you… I...” His voice was shaking. “...I loved y-your reading. I wouldn’t have... missed it for the world. I...” He couldn’t keep quite keep himself from crying, the days emotional output having been just a little bit too much. He tried staying quiet but Elliot was already coming over, rubbing his shoulder, more guilt seeping out of him. “Sorry. I guess I made you even more miserable. Making it all about me-”  
“WILL YOU STOP APOLOGIZING?! Stop claiming you’re making everything about you! You’re literally late for you so-called ego stroking at the saloon because you’re still here looking out for me. Because you spend all afternoon with me so I wouldn’t feel alone again. You wrote your book thinking about me, dedicating it to me – yes, I did see that – you invited me because you wanted to share your work and world with me, did well at the reading because you had me in mind, you opened up because you felt you could trust me and want me to see you for who you are-” His voice broke, thick tears spreading over his face. Elliot had sat down next to him again, holding onto both of Robert shoulders now but he could barely see him through the tears, continuing: “Why do you.. Why do you apologize about caring for me? I haven’t had anyone caring for me in years, if ever, really… Why do you apologize for being selfless, claiming its the opposite?” He was trembling, squeezing his eyes shut, trying to calm down. He felt Elliot move closer to him, leaning his forehead to Roberts for a moment before he started kissing away his tears. Robert let out a small whine, reaching out, putting his hands on Elliot chest, clasping at his shirt. Elliot sighed, trembling himself, bringing up one hand to stroke the others head. “Because.. I’m a fool.” His voice was quiet, emotional. “Because I don’t… understand… why anyone would want to be with me. Much less, someone like you..” Robert tried to argue but Elliot kissed him, sealing his mouth shut for a moment before moving back, continuing. “No, really. I don’t. I know that I’m not ugly or anything, but I also know that I’m a mess of confusing emotions and long words with very little real social skills.” He kissed him again. “And I’m terribly needy.” He kissed him again, longer this time, stroking his back, holding him close. He broke the kiss, leaning their foreheads together, closing his eyes. “I’m...terrified to lose you. This is all still so fresh and so new and I’m so afraid to be too much for you, to be too needy or put too much on you, and it makes me...react like that. Consumed by my work at times yet emotionally demanding once I’m near you. Torn between wanting to look out for you and afraid I’m being overbearing. And I… I don’t know how to deal with that.” His voice was shaking. “I’m afraid to even tell you all this because once again I’m just…. Just so...”

Robert stroked his head, kissing his still-closed eyes, his temple. He was still trembling, emotions twirling inside, he knew not which way…  
“Can’t you tell that…that I just want to be with you? That Its all that I want? Just _be_ with me. If I don’t feel comfortable, I’ll tell you… Can’t you tell… Don’t you… Don’t you know that I...I...” His breath stopped short, unable to utter the words, unable to even think them. He squeezed his eyes shut again, leaning their foreheads together. He trembled, feeling Elliot do the same, holding him tight when the writer started giggling quietly. “We… We can’t even say it, can we?”  
Robert shook his head slightly, joining in the giggle. “I… I can’t do it..I just can’t-”  
Elliot kissed him again, joyous now, his breath stuttering. “I...I can’t either.” he smiled at him now, his face wet, a mix of relief, understanding and leftover-pain. “I suppose I truly am a fool.”  
Robert giggled. “…Maybe, yeah.”

They held each other for just a short time when Robert separated himself, trying to steady his breath. “As much as I… enjoy your company. My leg hurts. I’m tired. Leah is waiting for you and I think you wanted me to eat that soup-”  
Elliot almost jumped, rushing to the hot plate. “Gaargh. The fish is all mushy now!”  
Robert chuckled, tired. “I don’t care. I don’t want to chew. Just give it to me so you can be on your way.”

\------------------

Four days had passed and Roberts leg had finally mended far enough for him to walk normally again. 

He had gotten up extra early to start preparing food, as it was the day of his final summer harvest and he had hired three villagers to help out bring it in. He went outside to check the mail, wondering once again at what god-forsaken time the mailmen or whomever brought the mail out here had dropped by.

_Pixies. Gotta be some kind of mail-pixies. In little blue shorts..._

He scanned the letters quickly -a note from the mayor, the electrical bill and a postcard from his mother…

_Hm. Again with the neighbors..._

...Before he turned to inspect to process on his house renovation from outside. Robin had said she was almost finished and, looking at it, he couldn’t even tell what was still missing. He had a nice spacious bedroom with a bigger bed now, the previous sole room of the house having been turned into a combined kitchen-and-living-room. She had already connected the new stove and sink for him the day before and had said she was going to install the cupboards today and once again he marveled at the amount of work she and her colleagues had done for him for the amount of money he was paying her. It wasn’t like he hadn’t given her all of the gold and silver he had found in the mine along with providing most of the building material, but still… Seeing her work all day with five additional people, changing his house so much in just a few days, overhauling the bathroom to boot- It felt like a steal.  
Still, he wouldn’t be sorry to have the construction workers away from his house again.

The last few days had been strange but happy. Elliot had come by every day helping him water the crops, refusing staunchly to get paid, at one point becoming genuinely annoyed that he kept offering him money for his labor, insisting on a number of excuses ranging from it ‘being his duty to help’ to ‘needing the workout’. When Robert had noted that him spending hours working on his farm meant hours of him not working on his writing, Elliot reasoned that he deserved a week off after finishing the book.  
There was no way he could have argued with that.

Still they’d spent the days in a strange state of shared bliss. Robert had made lunch during these few days, it requiring him to walk as little as possible while still being productive- and since the house had been swarmed with craftsmen they’d spend their afternoons outside. Lounging around beneath the trees or near the water in the late-spring sun, whiling the hours away talking about anything. When Elliot didn’t have him lie in his lap to read his book to him, he had gotten into the habit of asking him intricate questions about his life. They talked about schools and art and books and moral problems, animals, politics and anything really…  
Anything but past relationships.

Elliot hadn’t asked about it and Robert hadn’t mentioned it, but it was something they would probably have to talk about sooner or later – at the very least in regards to their respective health. Elliot had mentioned before that he had had ‘physical relations’ with two women in college, ‘in rather quick secession’ and while Robert didn’t really imagine him as the kind of man to randomly sleep around with just about anyone, the way he had said it had sounded a bit like it might have not been a very… thoughtful move on his part. Meaning he could have been exposed to health issues…

Robert went into the sparsely-furnished kitchen and gathered ingredients. He had gotten ready-made dough and was going to make pizza-bites and egg-brushed pastries- easy to eat, packing lots of energy. He had asked Elliot to specifically not come over today as he wasn’t quite ready to let the other villagers know too much about them dating yet. He wasn’t sure how obvious they were to the rest of the town – since they had spend most of their time together on the farm due to Roberts injury, few people had seen them together so far. But that would change latest in the summer, when Elliot's cabin near the beach seemed like a very desirable location to spend free time… 

He started cutting up leeks.

Robin would have caught on by now though, probably. She had been at the reading and had asked Elliot questions about the book in her work-breaks in between, giving them somewhat knowing looks...

Robert put the leek to the side, getting to the bell peppers…

Would it matter to anyone in town that they were together? Were there staunch conservatives who would tell them that Yoba disapproved or any of that nonsense? He didn’t know of any other gay couple in town, safe for Leah and Haley. They had been pretty open about it and hadn’t mentioned getting problems…

 _Then again… you haven’t exactly talked much to either one of them. At least not about anything that didn’t have anything to do with Elliot..._  
Maybe they did have problems and it just hadn’t come up yet.

He checked the time for a moment, quickening his pace. His hired hands would start coming in in about half an hour and he wanted to get done with most of the preparations before they did. He had hired Abigail, Sam and Penny who had previously helped out during his first harvest so he was positive that things would go well. He liked all of them rather well, Sam and Abigail sharing some of his interests in music and Penny being quite fond of literature. If he knew how, he would consider getting friendlier with them…

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Elliot sat at the pier, fishing. It had been weeks since he’d last done so and he found that he had missed sitting over the serene waves, his feet bare, hung down, brushed by the cool water every now and then. The last few days had been exhilarating but also exhausting. He felt like he had been drained of energy. The writer closed his eyes, letting the stillness brush over him.

They had started being a lot calmer with one another. Since their little argument a few days ago, a sort of peace had settled within. Not that he wasn’t still excited to see the other or that touching him had lost any kind of allure, but the buzzing sensation that had kept him up much too often in the last few weeks had vanished, their general demeanor towards each-other becoming much less awkward.  
Still, human contact could become exhausting. He had started feeling it the day before already. Becoming less at ease, more easily annoyed… The craftsmen that kept working on Roberts house all the time had been a particular thorn in his side. He was by no means an unsociable person. But spending virtually all of his time with another person for the past 4 days was something he was just not used to. At all.

A fish started pulling the line and he calmly began trying to reel it in. It didn’t really matter to him if he caught it or not. All that mattered was sitting here in peace.  
He managed to reel the fish in and got it off the hook. Then he cut the fish's gills in practiced moves, piercing its tail with a wire and hung it at the edge of his fishing bucket to let it bleed. He put a fresh piece of bait unto the hook and cast out the line again.

He assumed he was going to get more used to Roberts company after a while. They wouldn’t meet today and they hadn’t made plans to meet the day after yet, so either way he would get some time to himself to regenerate his social energy.  
Still, a part of him ached to see him again already. Yes, he had been exhausted to see him every day but at the same time…

He sighed quietly, wistfully.

Reading out his book to the man who had inspired him to write it changed the entire experience. Being able to stroke his hair while he read out loud, having the other cuddle up or stroke him while he did… having to stop reading a chapter because they suddenly just _had_ to make out…  
He felt his face go hot again in excitement, silently cursing himself.  
Maybe spending the morning alone had already quenched his thirst for lonesomeness…

_But I can’t come by today. It’s Harvest day. He told me he didn’t want the other people in town to know yet._

He groaned in frustration. Where was the peace he had felt just a few moments ago? Why was he desperate to go back and visit him again now, after he had felt so drained just this morning?  
He sighed, trying to relax. He would at least wait till he’d used up this piece of bait. After that he could still try to find something else to occupy him.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------

They had worked through the first four hours before they took the first long break. Robert had bought two couches from Robin the day before already and had her set them up before she kept working on the kitchen. He had draped large linen cloths over them to allow his workers a comfortable place to rest without having to worry about dirt-stains on his furniture.

Abigail had flopped down on one of the couches flat, only asking if she took up too much space a good 10 minutes later, while Penny and Sam lounged on the other couch, not doing much to keep their distance. “Alright, and here’s more to drink.” Robert placed several bottles of water, soda and beer around the table, making sure any beverage was reachable for each of them, before he himself flopped down on a large bean bag. It was 2pm and they had managed to bring in a little over half of the harvest, all of them drenched in sweat and covered in dirt. It was a sunny day and Robert was glad he had bothered to get sunscreen for everyone today as the increasingly larger field offered very little shade and he didn’t want any of his hired hands to suffer sunburn or any other ails.

None of them talked much, each of them trying to relax as much as possible before they inevitably had to go back to work again.

“Mrs. Campbell, sorry, but...will you stop working for a bit too? Don’t wanna be annoying but its really hard to rest when someone stands next to you hammering a kitchen together. Just a few minutes?” Sam gave her a bleary look, his hair drenched in sweat while Robin had been up on a ladder and just hung a kitchen cupboard. She’d been at it since 8 in the morning again, barely showing a sign of exhaustion. She smiled. “I’m not sure… I have about… maybe 2 hours of work left. I’d prefer to power through...”  
Robert scratched his head, trying to come up with a solution. “Actually, Robin, I wanted to ask you if you could take a look at the coop really quick, while you’re here. The main door was damaged in the last storm and needs repairs.”  
Robin gave him an exasperated look, letting out a long sigh. “Urgh...You know… Maybe I will take a break. I’ll look at the coop later but I think I might fix it another day, depending on the damage, yeah?” The farmer nodded, grinning slightly as Robin made her way out to probably sit under a tree again as she had done in the last few days on her breaks. Silence settled in the room for a few minutes as they all munched down on food and drank in the silence.

“So, Robert...” Abigail was still lying on the couch, currently chomping down on her third slice of pizza. “...you and Elliot are a thing now?”

Robert choked on his water, coughing, his mind refusing to work due to sudden panic. He took another sip of water, trying to still his throat and buy some time, his face burning, his heart beating so fast he felt his pulse in his legs.

_The longer I say nothing the more obvious it gets. What do I say?! Ahh!_

“Uhm… what..makes you think that?”

_THAT’S NOT A NO!_

“Well, I am pretty sure that was you two smooching in the Grampelton library...”

Robert squeezed his eyes shut, hiding his face in his hands, groaning, unable to cope with this moment. 

Sam perked up, interested:”Oh, so you’re gay? That's interesting.”

Robert groaned again, completely unable to come up with any thought anymore, feeling nothing but embarrassment at this situation.

_At least she waited to ask until Robin was outside..._

He sighed, trying to calm down. It wasn’t like there was any real _harm_ in them knowing and he _had been_ the one who had initiated the kiss… though one could argue that Elliot had provoked him-

“So that's a yes, isn’t it?” Abigail giggled a tiny bit, apparently delighted.

Robert sighed exasperated, taking his hands down, slowly opening his eyes, not looking at anyone. 

“I….uh. I had hoped no one had seen us.”

Sam laughed. “But… you were in the library in the town with the most notorious gossiping circle in the valley. Why did you think no one would notice? I once threw an egg at their statue of Kevin the Great at 2 in the morning and the next morning I learned that Grandma summers had seen me while trying to spy on the mayor.”

Abigail chuckled. “Oh yeah, I remember… also, they did it right after Elliot's public reading too.”

Robert groaned again, rubbing the root of his nose finally looking up at them. They didn’t seem in any way malicious or even like they were laughing at his expense that much, more like… generally interested with a bit of amusement.

Robert sighed. “Well… I didn’t know there was that much gossip over there…. Besides, he provoked it!” He folded his arms, suddenly feeling very silly. He took his arms down but felt that made it even worse, folding them again, looking to the side, his face burning still.

“Provoked it? What does that mean?” Penny's voice sounded a bit concerned. 

Robert put his head back in his hands, groaning once more. He felt like a teenager having to explain to his parents why someone had given him a kiss on the cheek or why a friend had called him a male name. And all of these three were _younger_ than him!

Still. He couldn’t really swindle out of the question entirely. Not setting the record straight could lead to a lot more gossip than if he said nothing.

He sighed.

“Okay. So that was… maybe phrased unfortunately.” He took his hands down, his eyes still closed, sighing. “So yes, for the record… we are… a consensual thing.”

“Aaah! That's so cute!” Abigail giggled again and Robert just felt like burrowing himself into the ground, like he wanted to do anything to make this moment go away. “uh… If you say so.” He scratched his arm, the entire situation being entirely alien and strange to him.

“Well, no ones judging you two, Robert.” Penny seemed a bit uncomfortable. “If you two are happy than that's a good thing. There’s no reason for you to be embarrassed.”

Robert just shrugged, drinking more water. “We’re...uh. Look, it… uh.. its still pretty fresh, okay? We’re trying to keep it quiet. So, uh, maybe not...uh...tell others?”

He saw the three of them exchanging looks, his stomach churning nervously. Abigail made a bit of a face, looking uneasy. “Er… I’m sorry Robert. Its not like I’m gonna tell anyone… or one of the others, I think.” She made a gesture towards Sam and penny. “But...I wasn’t the only person who saw you two. Mrs. Eagerton from the book club over there is kinda notorious for being a real gossip about everything and everyone, and… its not just that she saw you two. I think she really likes Elliot? Like… creepily too much? She was sitting near me and hanging on his every word. Bought three copies of his book too. She looked like she was about ready to explode with excitement when she spotted you two together. Pretty sure half of the valley knows by now...”

Robert had felt progressively more queasy as Abigail had spoken and was now ready to just...fall over from this combination of uncomfortable information. He blinked at her in mild shock, unsure how to react.

Sam smiled around the room uncomfortably. “I think you just broke Robert, Abigail.” He chuckled, good-natured. 

Robert groaned again, shaking his head, getting up. “That's it. I’m… I’m going back to work. Its okay if you guys wanna rest a bit more...”

Abigail jumped up. “I mean, I don’t know if you’d talk about that, but is he a good kisser?”  
Robert groaned and walked out as fast as he could, Abigail giggling after him.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Elliot paced around in his cabin.

_How long are they going to be taking with the harvest? How long did it take me to water everything? 2 hours? 3? I think around 3 hours… How long does it take to harvest this kind of stuff. It must take longer, even with helpers...maybe like… 6 hours? Maybe 8 with a break?_

He pulled on his hair, feeling ridiculous.

He was desperate to finally confess.

It was ridiculous, frankly. Robert _knew_ how he felt about him. And he knew Robert felt the same! He all but confessed himself! They had agreed about not being able to voice it at that time and everything, and yet-

...and yet…

He closed his eyes, groaning in frustration.

_I love you._

_I love you so goddamn much._

He had had four days where he had seen him every day! He had been out by the waterfall with him, under the trees in the shining sun, his head in his lap – why hadn’t he confessed then?! It was perfect! He could have done it at any time! But at any of those moments where he had thought it was the perfect time and then… he’d gotten too distracted to do it. Or perhaps he was just too afraid, still. He couldn’t take those words back once they had been brought into this world. He’d never said it to anyone, in any way, ever.

He knew Robert… reciprocated his feelings.

Or he was pretty sure. 90%.

Maybe 80%.

It… It couldn’t have been a misunderstanding, after all. There was no way… not really…

_No. no. he was pretty...pretty clear._

He sighed.

It didn’t really matter how badly he wanted to go over there right now. Robert had told him not to be there so that was that. He would not risk his ire just because he couldn’t wait another day…  
He sighed, going outside again to sit at the ocean.

_...But what if they’re still not finished tomorrow?_


	15. Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first part of this chapter contains 2 music pieces that you may look up on youtube if you wish to listen to them when they come up.  
> Just check for  
> 1)Fauré - Sicilienne  
> 2)Max Richter - Fragment

Robert sat in the shower slowly relaxing his muscles under the hot water. Robin had done a good job renovating the room – putting in new tiles and appliances as well as digging the ground towards the lower side up a bid to put in a window – still, at times like these he wished he had a bathtub where he could just lie down and soak in hot goodness until he had to be careful not to fall asleep.

He started working on cleaning his nails, knowing these to be the parts were the dirt always stuck the longest.

It had been a long day.

The harvest itself had really gone as smoothly as he could have hoped. Each of his three helpers had brought their own strengths to the process, Penny showing the highest dexterity, Abigail overall the being the most enduring while Sam was the fastest. Together they had managed his harvest in a total of 9 hours, not counting breaks, which seemed like a pretty solid time in his mind.  
Perhaps the second half had been faster because he had felt like running away all the time.  
Abigail had taken forever to finally stop asking him questions about their relationship. No matter how often he refused to answer, she had apparently continued to get a huge amount of joy in making him uncomfortable until after a while, thankfully, Sam and Penny had come to his aid, making her stop…

Robert sighed, washing the dirt out of his hair. He really would need a haircut soon. His hair almost reached past his neck now, making it longer than it had been since he had been sixteen and come out as a man. 

He felt strangely lonely. It hadn’t been 24 hours since he’d last seen Elliot, and yet he found himself longing for his embrace.

_But I’m too tired to go over there now… besides, what would I do when I get there? What if he isn’t even home but went to Leah’s or to the saloon? No..._

He groaned, getting out of the shower, toweling himself off. It was pointless. He would see Elliot tomorrow or the day after that the latest and it would be fine.

He put on a fresh singlet and sweat pants, opened the window to let the steam out and went upstairs.

It was 7pm. The sun was setting slowly. He felt too tired to do much and too antsy to sleep.  
He turned on the TV, switching around the channels for a moment before switching it off. He hated the buzz of the thing. Not just this specific device but TV in general. So noisy. So forcefully exciting. There had been a time when he had enjoyed movies and of course he had his favorite shows as a kid, but as of late he just perceived it as unpleasant trash. 

_Maybe its because I still feel haunted by the city sometimes..._

He still dreamt of the trains a lot. It wasn’t nightmares or anything, nothing interesting about it. He just dreamt about standing in the crowded train, driving through darkness. People crowded together like sardines in a can, the noise, the sweat rubbing off from everyone on everyone, the noisy assholes that turned their music on all the way and no-one could do anything about it. The worst being when some other punk figured the way to go was to go with a noise battle, soon 2 or three different noise sources fighting for superiority in the train…  
He’d been in such trains all his life and it made him sick thinking about them.

Robert walked around restless for a moment, marveling at his new kitchen and the larger bedroom. It really did make a world of difference. He already made plans to get his remaining stuff from the city within the next week and then the place would go on to look more like a real home.  
_home...huh..._

He smiled, going to the corner, picking up his keyboard. He hadn’t touched it except to move it around since getting here. He had always been too tired, too busy, too confused…

His fingers tingled. Back in the city he had barely even played anymore during his last year in the city, life being drained from him day by day from the soulless hell that was Joja corporate. Now he felt hungry to let his fingers roam across the board for the first time in forever…  
Robert set up the keyboard on its stand, moving the birch bank in front of it.

He started playing slowly. He didn’t have his classical scores or any other sheet music, but the muscle memory was there and soon he played his old favorites, his mind floating in the flow of the tunes.  
Somewhere shortly after he had started playing he'd stopped thinking articulated thoughts. The feelings of the last few days became more pronounced inside of him, reversed in their order, starting with today's moments of hard work and companionship and deep, deep embarrassment but slowly gliding into the previous days...  
He hummed along Fauré’s ‘Sicilienne’, his eyes closed as his fingers floated across the keys, his emotions flowing through him like a river, bathing him in sun and love and need…

_Elliot..._

He sighed quietly, the need to be with him increasing, all these impulses between them washing over him again; To hold, to kiss, to listen and be heard- the sound of his laugh and the glimmer in his eyes when he looked at him…

_I love you..._

He finished the score and rested his hands in his lap, suddenly drained of the need to keep going. His mind was drunk on emotion, heady on images and thoughts and feelings…  
“That was beautiful...”

Robert turned, startled. Elliot was leaning beside the door, smiling shyly. “Forgive me. I didn’t wish to interrupt you… but I couldn’t bear not seeing you...”

Robert smiled back, tense. He had been so caught up in his own head, it was difficult to come back to reality, even if his very desires stood there right in front of him.

The writer came closer, hesitantly. “I didn’t know you played… You’re very good.”

Robert shrugged. “I used to be better. I played a lot more when I was in college. Quiets my head down.”

Elliot nodded. “I too played more when I was still being schooled. I didn’t have access much in college. And my piano at the beach gets out of tune every week, unfortunately.” His expression turned pained at the last sentence. He made a questioning gesture with his hand to join him. “May I?”

The other nodded, sliding to the side.

Elliot sat down, glancing at him before putting his hands on the keyboard, playing a small piece, melancholic yet beautiful…

Robert hummed in quiet approval. “Richters ‘Fragment’ right?” Elliot smiled, nodding. “While I do love Fauré myself, I find that some modern composers have done exquisite work as well...”

The farmers fingers moved again. As he started playing another piece, Elliot's hands moved as well, starting to add arpeggios and supporting twirls to the composition, their hands moving in unison as the setting sun bathed them in golden light, their fingers brushing against another ever so often.

As the red rays faded some time later, so did the music when they no longer saw the keys, unable to improvise around the other, their play slowly came to an end. Robert laid his arm around Elliot's hip, the other putting his around the farmers shoulders in turn. 

They leaned against each-other in companionably silence, watching the moon rise.

Eventually, their unoccupied hands found each-other, linking, Elliot's thumb slowly brushing Roberts knuckles. His breathing got a bit uneven as if he tried to say something but kept stopping himself.

Robert realized he didn’t want him to go. It was dark out and he needed to sleep, but… 

He turned, gazing at what little he could see of Elliot's profile in the light of the moon, a sliver of light just about hitting his face enough for one of his eyes to be lit-

_I...Elliot...I..._

His breath grew heavier, his heartbeat quickening, the need to have him close, have him not leave growing, the need to finally voice his feelings…

“Elliot, I...” Their eyes locked. Elliot let go of his hand and stroked his face, his body pressing closer as he seemed to keep trying to speak but failed to bring himself to do it. Robert trembled, giving him a quick kiss, taking another breath-

“...I love you.”

His heartbeat hammered in his head like a drum-set in a cavern, the moments endless till Elliot seemed to fully comprehend what he was saying. The writer trembled, gasping, both hands reaching up, brushing through his hair, stroking his cheek, still trembling as he kissed him – so soft, so emotional – moving back slightly bowing his head, his breath still hitching. “I...Robert….I….” He leaned his head against him, breathing. “I love you too.”

Robert shuddered, lunging towards the other, exhaustion forgotten for now. He got up quickly, not letting go, sitting back down on his knees, hovering over Elliot's lap to be closer. They kissed deeply, open in their need now. The writer pulled his hair, pushing his tongue inside his mouth, his other hand sliding under Roberts singlet, running up his chest, back up at his throat, kissing him greedily, their breaths growing heavier. Robert felt pliant under his touch, hands on his naked skin intoxicating. He tried unbuttoning Elliot's collar, desperate for skin-on-skin-contact now but he was wearing a tie and his own fingers were jittery-

Elliot broke the kiss, pulling his hair again, slowly kissing his way down Roberts exposed throat, making him whine in pleasure, turning off what ever was left of his conscious thoughts at this moment. He felt Elliot toss his tie to the side, the fabric sliding by his fingers…

Suddenly his leg burst out in pain. He winced, pulling back, looking down instantly despite there being no way for him see anything in the darkness.  
“Whats wrong?”  
“Leg… I guess… sitting here like this must’ve been bad for the blood-flow-”  
Elliot seemed to contemplate that for a moment. He slid his hands underneath Robert, lifting him up suddenly, standing up. Robert gasped in surprise, afraid he was too heavy yet entranced to be carried by the other like this.  
Elliot barely seemed to be straining carrying him.  
Or perhaps he was very good at hiding it.  
“Mmh...” Elliot nuzzled his neck, softly biting. “You wanna stand or should I set you down on the bed?”  
“Uhm… lying down would be good… I guess...”  
The writer carefully started making his way towards the bedroom in the dark, carrying him gently. Robert had one arm around his neck, the other slowly gliding across his chest. As he realized Elliot's top three buttons were finally undone, he carefully leaned forward further, slow enough to not unbalance him, starting to cover his throat in slow, heavy kisses.  
Elliot faltered, gasping in pleasure, his steps getting slower while Robert continued his way down, opening buttons as he went. He slipped his hands beneath his shirt, stroking his chest, shuddering. He leaned in, breathing into Elliot's ear for a moment, giving him a lustful moan.  
Elliot let out a needy whine in response, staggering. He stopped for a moment, breathing rough, shuddering slightly. Robert nuzzled against his neck, and Elliot continued walking slowly, making soft sounds until he finally reached the bed, laying him down gently, sitting down beside him. The writer let out a low whine, taking long, measured breaths. “That was… mean. Interesting. But mean.” He turned and kissed him, his hand lying on Roberts hip. “Your leg any better like this?”  
The farmer moved the leg about for a bit, the pain both becoming more pronounced with the sudden decrease in distracting touch and less severe due to change in posture. Robert relaxed, suddenly feeling the exhaustion of the day crush down on him again, his body noting on how nice it felt to just be lying here now and how alluring the prospect of sleep really was...“Yeah…” His voice became sleepier. “I think its okay...”  
Elliot lay down beside him, slowly sliding one hand down Roberts naked chest, down to his hips. “I know you’re very tired… Would you prefer that I leave you alone?”  
Robert felt torn. He really didn’t want the other to leave. At all. But to keep going like this right now, with him tired all to hell…  
Not to mention his lingering nervousness about getting intimate in the first place…  
“Could you maybe… sleep here? With me? I… don’t want you to go… But I’m so tired...”  
Elliot kissed him gently, shrugging out of his shirt as he did, embracing him. “I’d love to...”  
Robert pressed close, his mind drifting already. He relished their naked chests pressing together, Elliot's soft kiss still on his throat, as he – surrounded by warmth, safety and love- finally faded off to sleep.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------

Elliot woke slowly, stunned to find Robert still in his arms. His mind was muddled, burbling with feelings and impulses. He blinked, feeling around himself slowly, trying to get his vision clear.  
Moving his hand around he realized they were both clad in nothing but underwear. He froze for a moment. He didn’t remember taking that many clothes of…

Then again, he had been very caught up in the moment. He felt his face redden again and felt silly. 

There was zero reason for him to be embarrassed about any of this. Robert had _wanted_ him to stay, they had confessed their love to each other-  
_He loves me._ he felt like passing out, thinking about the moment, drunk on emotion. Sitting there in the moonlight, their fingers and minds in such sync just before…

Warmth bloomed in his stomach, spreading through every fragment of his soul, still amazed that this was happening, still convinced somewhere, in a dark abused corner of his mind, that this couldn’t be real, that Robert would wake up and throw him out or that they’d sleep together and Robert would decide then that he was done…  
He suppressed a sigh, willing the thought away, trying to focus on the here and now, softly stroking Roberts hip, breathing in the scent of his hair, nuzzling his neck, entranced. He marveled at the man lying in his arms, gazing over the strong cheekbones and the peaceful look on his face, gliding down his throat, taking in the delicate collarbones and increasingly well-built chest…  
He felt arousal take him over again, only worsened by the fact that he was spooned up against his partner tightly, their hips connecting in fairly _interesting_ ways, his hand still on his hip. He carefully slipped one finger into his waistband, relishing in the slow exploration when he caught himself.

_Calm down, dammit… He’s probably all sore from yesterday..._

His mind immediately connected his own phrasing to other ways he could make the man sore and he cursed himself, deciding to freshen up and hopefully get himself in order.

He took the sensation in just a moment longer...pressed close to his love, their legs brushing against each-other, his arms folded around him, a cocoon of warmth and goodness. He hugged him closer for a moment, breathing him in once more, kissing his way across his shoulder. He suppressed a sigh and started trying to unfold himself, getting his arm out from underneath his love. As he tried moving his body away, breaking contact, Robert started stirring in his arms, making soft sounds, half-asleep.  
Suddenly, Elliot felt almost incapable of letting go. He just wanted to press close, just wanted to snuggle up to this sweet man, never letting go.

He shuddered, making himself leave the bed still, staggering towards the bathroom, forcing himself not to look back. His body ached to finally sleep with him. To tear off both their clothes and _just-_

Elliot turned on the cold water, wincing as he touched it, making sure his head was out of the way as he stepped into the shower, trying to calm down. His dreams had already been awash with Roberts lustful cries in the past few days, but waking up like this, with his love right there, only a thin amount of fabric between them... and then having to restrain himself…

He took a deep breath, turning the water even colder. He used a strand of his hair to fixate the rest of it towards his back, raising the shower head to cover more of his body. He let out an involuntary cry at the cold, but it helped, his body starting to calm down...

A part of him was still afraid Robert would leave him once they started having sex. Of course, the situations in which this had happened before were hardly comparable to this one. For one, he’d started having sex with each of the two women the same day they had started making advances at him. Neither of them had ever claimed to love him, nor had he felt even remotely as strong for either of them as he did for Robert right now. Not by a long shot. Yet… no one in his life had ever been close to him and not ended up betraying him in one way or another. Sooner or later he was abandoned, cheated on or used until he was no longer needed.

He stepped out of the shower, drying himself off, releasing the strands of his hair again. Looking in the mirror he realized he had clearly visible hickeys at the side of his throat, his face blushing as arousal flooded him again. He made a small sound, aching.

_Robert..._

He bit his lips, closing his eyes, unable to get the impulses fully under control. For just a moment he considered pleasuring himself just to be able to function as a normal human being again, but it felt too wrong doing so in Roberts bathroom, the man himself upstairs, in bed, almost naked, deliciously available…

He groaned in frustration, putting on his boxers awkwardly, making his way upstairs, determined not to put any undue pressure onto his partner. The doubts he had had earlier about their shared future had long since crowded into the back of his mind, suppressed by naked desire.

_Be casual. Be comforting. Maybe make him breakfast. He could surely use that after yesterday..._

His mind started becoming more reasonable again, his recurring paranoia over Roberts bad eating habits kicking in, wondering if the man had eaten the night before. He had shown a clear tendency to skip meals, simply because he didn’t feel like eating a lot of the time. They’d have to work on that…  
Elliot made his way back upstairs, returning to the bed to check on his love.

Robert lay on his side, the blanket kicked off, his legs mildly angled, his full hair tousled above his eyes. Elliot let his eyes roam over his body slowly, trying to take in every delicate detail.  
A part of him was still mildly confused at his physical configuration, his mind trying to put him into binary categories still. Yet he found that this did nothing to lessen the mans sexual appeal to him, eyes still darting between his face and hips, biting his lips, desperate to lie down again, pressing against him, tearing those shorts off...  
_damn...goddamn..._

He kneeled beside the bed to hide his erection, reaching out with one hand to stroke Roberts cheek softly, fighting for composure. The man made soft sounds, moving his head against his hand, half-asleep.  
Elliot leaned forward, kissing his temple softly. “Hey. I’d… go and maybe make breakfast, okay?”  
Robert burbled, eyes still closed, sounding unhappy. He reached out with imprecise hands, tugging at his arms to get him closer. Elliot remembered the last time this had happened and tried to wriggle away. As he moved out of arms reach, Robert made a sad sound, lowering his head. He flailed around for a moment in almost comedic fashion, grabbing another pillow, hugging it. Another sad sound...  
Elliot went from chuckling at his flailing to feeling bad about having retreated. He realized that the sadness was probably overacted, but he couldn’t help feeling bad…

Robert opened his eyes, giving him a sad, puppy-like look.  
Elliot pressed his lips together, looking downwards, unable to take the expression, his hands tingling to reach out again.

Robert made a small whining sound, looking down again, cuddling up more to the pillow.

Elliot groaned. “Ugh… You know how hard it was to get out of bed in the first place?”

Robert gave him the sad look again. “...but why didn’t you want to stay in bed with me?”

He groaned again, tormented. He got up, walking around the bed, leaning down on the mattress. He put one hand on Roberts hip, keeping him faced away where he was, putting his mouth to his ear. “Because… if I stayed in bed with you… I would not have contained myself.” He bit Roberts ear, his voice low. “I would have taken off your shorts and would be inside of you right now” He kissed his neck, intensifying his grip on Roberts hip, moving his mouth back to his ear, giving him a needy moan, biting again. He made himself retreat, struggling.  
“… but since I felt that you had a very exhausting day yesterday, I figured some more rest might be more adequate...”  
He let go of Roberts hip, moving back towards the edge of the bed, fighting to stay there, desperate to be close.

Robert turned to him, his face red, moving his hip slightly, just shy of being suggestive. He raised an eyebrow, awake now, giving him a sly smile. “Is that what you do? Whispering things in my ear, implying what you want to do but then retreating, making me do it?” He moved his hips, clearly suggestive now, motioning with one hand like he was about to strip. “Like you did at the library? People did see us, by the way...”  
Elliot lunged forward, kissing him, lying back down, sliding his arm around his love again. He moved back between kisses, his breath hot, all restraint having left him. “I just wanted to give you an out...” He kissed him deeper, his hand moving lower, hooking a finger into his waistband, moving, teasing…  
“And I meant what I said then.” Another kiss. “I would have kissed you in front of everyone. I didn’t care who saw us. I just wanted you.” He bucked his hips against him, no longer hiding what he really wanted, nuzzling his throat. Robert slid one hand into his hair, kissing him hard, shifting his weight to get Elliot on his back. He kept kissing him, sucking on his tongue, stroking it with his own, pulling his hair when his other hand slipped between Elliot's legs.  
The writer gasped, Robert pulling his hair again, _stroking_ him still, nibbling on his lips as he did. Elliot tried to move, to shift them around again but Roberts hand slipped inside his pants, grasping, stroking, his eyes half-lidded, his breath hot on Elliot's face.  
He couldn’t stop moaning at this point, his voice husky, overcome by sensation while Robert pulled off his pants...

He tried gaining some control over his limbs through the ecstatic fog, his hands slithering across Roberts hips. The farmer reached forward, cradling his face, kissing him deep. Elliot sighed against him, pliant, reveling under the touch, their bodies fitting together so well...  
He pulled off Roberts pants quickly, slipping two fingers between his legs. Robert gasped, shuddering, Elliot taking his chance to shift the other around, pushing deeper, reveling in his moans while he straddled his legs underneath, struggling not to break the kiss. Robert tried reaching out with his hands again, brushing his hips, but his movements waned as Elliot moved his fingers again, making the Farmer roll his eyes back, gasping deliciously between kisses. “E-Elliot...” The writer kissed him again, his tongue moving in unison with his fingers, muffled moans barely escaping the farmers mouth.  
They hadn’t really gotten around to talking about fertility and protection beforehand, but Elliot assumed that Robert would prefer protected sex… Only his condoms were in his coat, all the way over in the other room...

He pulled back with difficulty, trying to focus on how to speak. “I… I gotta get...” He pointed vaguely towards the living area, his words slurred. Robert looked up at him, biting his lip, his eyes a beautiful mess of need and lust and love...  
Robert reached out, pulling him down again, kissing him deeply, brushing his hip with his leg. Elliot fought to keep control of his loins, to not give in and _just_ …  
Beneath him, Robert reached to the side blindly, grasping for the drawer of the night-stand, opening it with clammy fingers. Elliot realized what he was doing, snatching a condom out of the drawer.

Once he was finally sufficiently prepared, he laid back down on top of Robert, kissing him softly, stroking his hair, suddenly more emotional than lustful, desperate to make this moment more meaningful than a mere expression of lewd impulses. Robert reached up, placing a hand on his face, his eyes shining so bright and loving it made Elliot want to weep. He stroked his face, kissing him again, kissing his brow, his cheek, nibbling at his ear. “I love you...”  
Robert kissed his throat, stroking hair out of his face, kissing his jaw. He made his way to Elliot's ear, giving him a lustful moan that made Elliot tremble, aflame in lust yet again. Robert kissed him, eyes bleary in emotion declaring his own love yet again, his voice low.  
They kissed, slowly, sensual. Elliot moved his hips, entering him slowly, probing his way into the other, relishing every change in Roberts cries as he gently pushed deeper, changing his rhythm in between, their moans growing louder.  
\--  
Robert kept stroking him, kissing him, opening his mouth wide, teasing him to push his tongue deeper, his eyes barely open, reveling in the sensation, every part clinging as close as possible. He let his hands roam, trying to take in every delicious detail of this beautiful man, relishing in the touch of his lips on his own, feeling strong muscles under soft skin…  
He cried out ever-louder, Elliot nuzzling his throat again, kissing him heavy, thrusting deeper. Robert put one hand on Elliot's rear, squeezing, pulling him in more, feeling the sensation increase ever-more, moving his hips, emphasizing with each thrust that he wanted this-  
He slid his other hand into Elliot's beautiful hair, the color so vibrant, so strong, emerald stars gazing at him from beneath those luscious locks-  
Their movements became slower as they locked eyes, kissing, their bodies moving in deliciously slow unison, Elliot's lips so soft, so reverent in their kiss, his eyes so deep, so affectionate…

_I love you…_

Their gasps became deeper as they neared climax, Elliot's hair tickling Roberts chest. The writer rubbed his cheek against the others, his breath hot in his ear. “I love you…” He’d grabbed his hand, kissed his throat, nibbled his ear, moaning into his ear ever-faster-  
Roberts eyes rolled back, crying out in pleasure, trembling, his mind empty of all else-  
He felt Elliot push his arms underneath him, embracing him, his moans growing huskier until he finally gasped out a long cry, shuddering.  
Robert kissed his hair, one hand still entwined, squeezing, stroking through his hair with the other, dazed.  
_I love you..._


	16. Old Stuff

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takes place approx. 1 week after the last chapter.  
> Robert has been in town for 13 weeks, they've been together for 5.

“...Why did I volunteer to help you with this?” Elliot wiped the sweat from his face for what felt like the 50th time that day, after he had moved yet another dusty box.

“I don’t know. You pretty much acted like it was a given and I’m not gonna argue with free help.” Robert opened another box. “Hm. Looks like old yearbooks ‘n stuff. I don’t even know what to do with this...”

Elliot came over, giving the box a curious glance. “You mind?”

Robert shrugged. “Go nuts. I think it goes back quite a bit though, so… you know. Bit… weird, maybe.” He went back outside, leaving the writer alone with the box.

He took out the most recent Yearbook, dating back just four years, strangely eager to see old photographs of his partner. It was a college yearbook. He opened up on a group picture of his class, apparently, scanning through the faces to find him. After a few moments, he’d found him. Tugged in a corner of the image, standing by himself, wearing a scruffy shirt, his hair a mess, his expression making clear that he did not want to be there.  
Strangely adorable.  
Elliot smiled, turning the pages to find his profile. He could see the dark circles under his eyes but it didn’t make the picture any less endearing to him. He looked quite a bit younger in this, strangely more so than he would have thought for the time-frame…

_The work at Joja really must’ve aged him..._

Still, gazing across his features on this, he couldn’t help feeling himself swoon a little.  
They had been together over a month now, yet he pined after his partner whenever they were apart and there was just something about this picture… His arms crossed, his brows furrowed, annoyance all over his face… maybe it appealed to his own younger self? Maybe Robert just seemed like a really thoughtful, brooding person that didn’t care about societal conventions….

He gazed over the name, realizing just now that he’d never heard it or even asked about it.

_Robert Llyr. Huh._

He tried pronouncing the last name but was certain immediately that he did it wrong. 

_Sounds like one of the northern languages… I wonder where his family is from..._

He sighed, realizing how little he really knew about the man he’d given his heart to, still. Sure, they had caught up on so much in the last few weeks but it still felt like there was an ocean of things he didn’t know…

_But we’ve only been together a month… Wouldn’t it be boring if I knew everything already?_

He grabbed the next yearbook, eager to have more material.  
The writer went through book after book, noting that the next two had Robert look somewhat more optimistic or at least neutral about appearing in pictures, the high-school versions mostly became more awkward, with him just looking uneasy-

He dropped the one from 8 years ago like it burned him.  
He closed it carefully, shocked, unsure what to do.  
Robert had given him permission to look through the box. He would have known what was in there. He would have known that it contained… that information…  
Still, he felt like he had somehow violated his trust. He closed all the books, putting them back in the box, sighing.

 _I didn’t want to know...that. I..._  
Why did this make him feel so bad?

He got up, going outside. Robert was rummaging around in a box, clanking what sounded like tableware around. Elliot watched him for a moment, then walked up and hugged him from behind, laying his head on Roberts shoulder. His partner made a soft sound.

They stood like this for maybe a minute before separating, the early summer heat making it uncomfortable to stick together for too long.

Robert gave him a questioning look. “You okay? You seem… down, somehow.”

Elliot nodded. “I… I looked through some of your yearbooks… How do you pronounce your last name? I never even asked about it before...”

“Llyr. Like a mix of Lyr in Lyric and Lear. Llyr.”

“Hm...” He tried pronouncing it a few times till Robert agreed that he did it right. The writer sighed quietly, looking to the side, unsure how to address the other topic, unsure even why he felt the need to talk about it. “I… Looked through quite a few of the yearbooks...”

Robert face took on a mildly reddish hue. “Uh… did you find the cheer-leading picture?”

Elliot sputtered. “You did cheer-leading?”

Robert shrugged. “I tried out, more like it. Mum was pretty excited I tried it and then managed to catch the exact moment on camera, when I realized how much bullshit it all was. I hadn’t come out yet, so, uh...” he rubbed his neck, embarrassed. “I wore a girls uniform. And my hair was kinda longer. I was in a strange phase were I… I was pretty sure who I was but I didn’t really want to see it. So I tried to fit in with the girls a little bit harder for a time. My mum thought I was finally becoming less of a tom-boy. Truth is, it was just the final nail in the coffin. Trying out girly things intensely just one time and then… it just showed me that wasn’t me. At all.” He grinned, still seeming a bit embarrassed. “So there's a few pictures were I...uh.. You know. Try to dress up or something. Mum took pictures because… yeah. She was excited. Probably wasn’t too easy for her, all that.”

Elliot hummed thoughtful. He didn’t quite know what to make of this. He was curious to see the pictures, yet it felt… weird. What would those pictures look like? He somewhat imagined them just looking like… like Robert pretending to be something he was not. But a part of him was strangely afraid that he’d look like an actual girl, which just… confused him. He sighed quietly.

Robert gave him a saddened look. “Sorry. I know its probably… a bit weird.”

“No, no.. its...” Elliot thought about it. “Well okay, maybe a little bit.” He took his hand, squeezing it for a moment. “But it’s still part of your life and I want to hear about it. Even if its a bit confusing to me.”  
They shared a quiet smile.  
Elliot hesitated for a moment, then:”...but actually I found your old first name.”  
Robert groaned, palming his face. He tired to say something but just groaned again, letting go of his hand, turning around, pacing for a moment. He gave him a tense look, shrugging again. “I… I mean, yeah. I guess you would have… found… that. Don’t know why I’m...” He looked pained, gazing downwards.  
The writer stepped up to him, softly kissing his cheek. “As far as I’m concerned, I’ve always known you as ‘Robert’, therefore that has always been your name. I was just… startled, seeing it like that. I didn’t expect you to be so… I don’t know… casual about it.”  
Robert shrugged, smiling softly. “I don’t want to keep anything from you...”  
They leaned against each-other, linking hands, sharing a moment of silence.

After a bit, Elliot made a quiet humming sound, rubbing the side of his head against Roberts. A cool breeze flew across the fields.  
“Your last name is unusual. Do you know where it comes from?”  
“Hmm. Not exactly. I know Grandpas family came from a mix of Northern countries. Not quite sure which. I know the name is traditionally associated with misty weather and the sea. Maybe they were fishers or something.”

Elliot felt strangely moved, knowing this, smiling at him, cupping his cheek. “How fitting that I should fall for a man named for the salty freedom that is the great ocean blue.” He kissed him slowly, savoring the sensation. He knew they had to get back to unloading the boxes soon but-  
He ruffled Roberts hair, sighing quietly against him, soft lips against his own still, his mind completely off, safe for the perception of those sweet affections…  
Elliot pulled himself back before getting too lost. Roberts eyes looked cloudy and wanting, the man letting out a small, needy sigh, clearly trying to regain composure. “I… I guess we should… get back to unpacking… sometime...”  
The writer nodded, clenching his teeth at the look on Roberts face, forcing himself to look away. “M-maybe, yeah. Let’s… let’s get back to it.”

\-----------------------------

Robert was putting books into the shelf, stopping every so often to smile at a cover or read a favorite scene when he came across old favorites. It was late afternoon. They had unloaded all the boxes and furniture and send the driver on her way, leaving only the actual unboxing to take care of. Elliot was lying on the bed, reading some magazine, his hair tied up in a bun, his long legs dangling in the air.

“Hmm… there’s an article on that museum Leah want’s to go to…” He ruffled the pages. “...mostly sounds like paintings from the renaissance and romantic era… and an exhibition on Giancarlo Heré’s photography.. guess that's the part that's interesting to Haley… Oh, and they’re having an exhibition on postmodern Êiêtism. That's interesting...”

Robert hummed, shelving another book. “Never heard of that. What is it?”

Elliot turned to lie on his side, leaning his up on his elbow, giving him a thoughtful look. “It’s… hm. How do I explain it? Its art forms having to do with water, as far as I understand it. I saw an exhibition last year that had an entire artificial river running through the hall. And then anything that has to do with water – paintings, sculptures, photographs, poems. I like how it merges the art-forms around the topic without excluding something.”

Robert tried to focus on the topic, distracted by Elliot's pose. “So.. its… an exhibition about water. Artfully. Er. An exhibition on water-art. No, that would be art done with water, its...uh…. it’s...You know, its really hard to think when you’re doing that!” Elliot grinned at him. Still lying down, he had started slowly unbuttoning his shirt while the other had talked, giving him suggestive looks. “Is it? Sorry, I didn’t mean to… distract you...” He slid one finger down his chest slowly, biting his lips with wanting eyes, letting out a very small, needy moan.

Robert gulped, his head empty. He struggled for a moment, his eyes trailing over him for a very long moment before turning away forcefully. “I’m...uh...I... gotta… finish putting away these books...” He heard Elliot chuckle before apparently leafing through the magazine again. The farmer tried taking steadying breaths, continuing to put the books away. He was about halfway done with all of them. If he didn’t take too long going through them he’d be done in an hour or so. He tried to focus on the task, sorting them in by genre in alphabetical order, trying to get back into the rhythm. He leafed through Swayman’s ‘Ocean’ for a moment, reading about the nature of paper-boats in puddles, when Elliot hugged him from behind again, shirtless, his breath hot in his ear, hands traveling. “You sure you can’t finish this later?”

\--------------------------------

They lay beside another, barely touching, their sweat slowly drying in the heat.  
“...I don’t know how you can stand having so much hair in this heat...”  
“Hm… I just got used to it, I guess. And its really nice in the dry heat. Helps to cool me then. But, yes, humidity is terrible… Makes the hair-tips wilt too.”  
“Hmhmm...”  
They drifted for a bit, the sun going lower, cooler air slowly drifting through the open window.  
“So that exhibition...” Robert cuddled up to him. “...you said Leah wants to go there with us?”  
“Museum. And yes, sort of. She told me about it and said ‘we should all go there together’ So… I think she means both of us and both of them...”  
“Them being her and Haley?”  
Elliot hummed, confirming.  
Robert was thoughtful for a moment. “I don’t know Haley yet, really… she seems a bit...stand-off-ish, most of the time...”  
Elliot chuckled. “That's probably an understatement. I’m pretty sure she actively despises me. She tries being polite with me when Leah is around but when I run into her alone in town she always gives me the evil eye.”  
“Hm. Do you know why?”  
“Nope. Leah says she has no idea what I mean either. But it doesn’t bother me too much.”  
“Hm. Guess I don’t like her then.”  
Elliot chuckled again, turning to lie on his side, folding himself around his partner. “That's sweet of you, but just because she doesn’t like me doesn’t mean you two can’t go along...”  
Robert shrugged. “Well, she clearly has poor taste… doesn’t it bother you if she’s like that for no reason?”  
“Not really. I’m used to it.”  
“Hm… People not liking you?”  
Elliot was thoughtful for a moment. “I’d rather not think about it too much.” He kissed his shoulder. “People have always found reasons not to like me. That...didn’t really change much until I came here. And even here… well. I don’t like to think about it. Sometimes people don’t get along. Its not necessarily anyone's fault.”  
The farmer snuggled closer, softly kissing his way up from Elliot's collarbone to his jaw, the other shuddering in his arms, drawing closer. The writer tried to calm his breathing before clearing his throat after a bit. “Anyway… she wants to go tomorrow. Are you going to accompany us?”  
Robert sputtered. “Tomorrow?!?!”


	17. Exhibitions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know absolutely nothing about photography and if you know even the slightest bit about it, this chapter might be really annoying to you because there is a lot of nonsense in here. Enjoy. :P

They walked to the bus stop shortly before eleven the next day. Elliot had spent the night in his cabin but had come to the farm before they had to meet at the bus stop with the others, telling him all kinds of interesting facts about the museum and the town they were going to, clearly excited.  
Robert wasn’t too sure how to feel about all this. He had gotten up extra early to take care of his crops and take a shower before they had to leave. He hadn’t left town much since he’d first moved here, his belongings having been transported from the city by a moving company so he hadn’t had to go back to there for the simple reason that.. he hadn’t wanted to do it. Even being back on a bus seemed like such an unknown thing now. Like he hadn’t spent years of his life taking the bus every day. Like he didn’t know they rhythm of the road like his heartbeat.

“Are you okay?”  
Robert blinked, looking up. “Oh, er, yeah, sure.”  
Elliot gave him a concerned look. “You seem very thoughtful… Look, I’m excited for the trip but please don’t feel pressured to come with us...”  
The farmer shook his head. “No, its not… its...” he sighed, shrugging. “I haven’t been to a different city since getting here, aside from Grampelton- I haven’t even been on a bus since I first moved here. Public traffic feels like the epitome of everything that is annoying about living in the city. So its just...making me a bit anxious.”  
Elliot nodded. “I see…. Well… I don’t know if that helps any, but sapphire city isn’t actually much of a city. Its hardly bigger than Grampelton, I think they just thought ‘sapphire city’ sounded better than ‘sapphire town’… the bus ride isn’t long and the landscape is rather nice if I may say so.” He reached out for his hand, smiling at him. “And of course, I’ll be with you the entire time.” He kissed his hand. “Still… if you don’t feel comfortable, you don’t have to feel obligated to come...”  
Robert spotted Leah and Haley over Elliot's shoulder and suddenly felt a strange spark of anger glint up deep inside. He squeezed his partners hand, nodding. “I’m coming with you. I’m sure it’ll be interesting.”

They boarded the almost empty bus when it arrived. Elliot and Leah immediately started talking about one of the exhibiting artists. Haley stared at Leah for a bit while she talked, then she got out a book and started reading.

_How can she read in a **Bus** driving **backwards?**_

Robert gave Elliot a quick look – he seemed lost in his conversation – before he started aimlessly looking out of the window. The landscape flew by in a monotonous swirl, the humming of the bus with the ongoing conversation around him making him sleepy after a morning of farming. He started dozing off, his head against the cool window mildly uncomfortable. After a bit he felt Elliot pull him back over to his side, laying an arm around his shoulder. He leaned against him, smiling softly as his mind succumbed to the sleepy fuzz...

He was shaken softly. “Robert… Robert, you gotta wake up… we’ll be at the museum soon.”  
Robert murmured, yawning, without orientation for a moment. He blinked around. Leah and Elliot were apparently waiting for him to wake up, Haley still reading her book. He yawned. “...we there?”  
“In about three minutes. You dozed off like two minutes after we left.”  
Robert shrugged. “I did spend all morning taking care of the farm. And buses make me tired.” He looked out the window. “Woah, mountains.” They were driving across a long bridge across a river now, a huge mountain in the near distance. “Is that the mountain one can see from Pelican town when one gazes north?”  
“Yes.” Elliot linked their arms. “There are some beautiful hiking trails up there. I spend a day nearby once, hiking and trying to paint some of the mountain rivers. I didn’t do very well but it was a very enjoyable experience.” Robert nodded along, still sleepy, trying to collect his thoughts. “Hmhm-” He yawned. “I like hiking. And I haven’t painted in forever...” He hummed again, half-drifting off again, Elliot keeping him upright, kissing his temple. “Oh, I’m sorry. You’re so tired… I shouldn’t have made you come here.”  
Robert shook his head. “Nah...’s fine….” He looked around, trying to find something to keep his mind going so he’d wake up properly. He noted the author of Haley's book, remembering it. “Haley… that book… was it written by the Prof-” he yawned again, quietly cursing. “Professor of photography at Sesame? Or does the author just have the same name?”  
Haley raised her brows, possibly properly looking at him for the first time. “Yes. Its on his work with shadow-lenses and afternoon blur...”  
Robert nodded. “I took one of his classes when I was working on my bachelors degree...”  
“You took a class with professor Mossberry?!” Haley gaped at him. “How was it? What was it about? Did he explain how he makes the dizzleeffect? I know he refuses to speak about it outside of in-person-classes!”  
Robert receded a little at Haley sudden intensity. The bus pulled up in front of the museum.

\----------------------------------------------------------

Leah couldn’t help grinning at the exchange between Haley and Robert. The latter still seemed incredibly dazed, but Haley was on fire, asking him about any detail the photography professor had talked about in his classes, actually showing genuine interests in Roberts opinions about the topic too. They were walking across the open plane towards the museum, a modern building with a number of fountains spread across the yard in front. Huge banners floated in the wind, advertising the current exhibition. Haley and Robert were walking in front, the blonde almost dragging him along, talking at him intensely, Elliot and Leah walking after them. Leah grinned. “Looks like she’s about to talk your boyfriends head off.” Elliot blushed mildly, looking away quickly. “I’m sure he can take care of himself. He did start talking to her on his own...”  
Leah stared at him for a moment, barely suppressing a giggle. “Oh my god… You’re still shy about calling him that, aren’t you?”  
“Shush!” Elliot's face took on a deeper red and he looked in Roberts direction for a moment, almost startled. “I’m… It’s not like that. I just… I...” he stared at his partner walking in front of him, his sentence going into nothing as he seemed to lose focus on anything else.  
Leah actually giggled now, trying to be quiet. “Well, I’m happy to see that you and your _boyfriend_ are getting along so well. Although I think your _partner_ seems pretty tired so maybe you should take your _boyfriend_ aside for a moment before we go in to check if he’s not feeling to crowded because it looks to me like my girlfriend is gonna try to drag him into the photography exhibition with her.”  
Elliot nodded, his face red, staring straight ahead. As they reached the entrance, they gathered in a circle, Leah beaming at the little group. “So, I really want to see the water expo before it gets crowded! Where’s everyone gonna go?”  
“Well I’m obviously going for Heré’s exhibition and I want Robert to join me!” Haley gave the farmer an intense smile, shining like a lightning bulb. While Leah loved seeing her so engaged, she also noted that Robert looked almost mortified. Elliot made a thoughtful sound. “Hm. I haven’t quite decided yet… Give us a moment, would you?” He didn’t wait for anyone's answer, reaching for Roberts hand, half-dragging him away behind one of the fountains with a tree conveniently placed to block view behind it. 

Leah smiled at her girlfriend, marveling at her in the summer sun. The blonde was wearing a beautiful pink cream dress, accentuating her skin tone. “You look very pretty in this scenery.” She walked up to her, looking up into her large blue eyes. Haley had gone a lot more quiet now, looking almost shy at her compliment. “Oh, stop it...” she looked to the side, her cheeks coloring slightly. Leah slid her hand into her hair, Haley immediately writhing to get it out again. “Not now, I don’t want them seeing us-”  
Leah kissed her slowly. She watched Haley go from struggling against her to closing her eyes, melting against her despite her previous arguing. She kissed her deeper, pushing her tongue against her lips, widening the opening in slow circles, drawing small lines over her face with her fingers, pushing her tongue in farther-  
Haley pulled back, breathing hard, her face deeply flushed. Leah gave her a flirty smile. She just loved teasing her like this. “Sorry… You just looked too adorable.”  
The blonde hid her face. “Urgh, don’t make me look like this in front of your friends. Argh.”  
Leah sighed very quietly. “They could become your friends too, you know?”  
The blonde grumbled. “Please, Mr. Silly-clothes and his boyfriend? Ech. I mean, Robert seems like he at least isn’t a total idiot, but Elliot is just so-”  
Leah held up a hand. “Maybe _don’t_ get into that right now? They’ll probably be back any minute.” She sighed. They had had this discussion before, Haley saying that Elliot was arrogant, foolish and had no taste, Leah insisting that she had never given him a chance to begin with. It was one of the very few sore points in their relationship. Haley claimed she didn’t mind Leah spending time with him as long as the blonde didn’t have to. Yet, anytime she had gone out with Elliot by herself, her girlfriend had seemed somewhat irked. Since Elliot had gotten together with Robert they had spent a lot less time together one-on-one. Something she regretted, as they never had the same conversations anymore and saw another a lot less right now…  
But he seemed a lot happier now.

Leah took out a bottle of water and took a long pull, the fresh coolness calming her thoughts. “So, Robert have any interesting insights into Mossberrys work?”  
Haley beamed. “Yes! I can’t believe he actually had the chance to attend his classes and then didn’t sign up for more when he was offered! But he actually knows a lot about specific works and why Mossberry decided to act with shadow filters instead of carbon ones. The reason is apparently that water reflects differently during twilight if you use these, and if the sun is coming from between 9 and 11 o’clock in the perspective, they can produce a Snapper effect. Its fascinating!”  
“Well, I’m happy to hear you two got something to talk about… speaking of…”  
The other two had made their way back, holding hands. Elliot looked from Haley to Leah for a moment, curious as if to ask what they had talked about. “Well, its settled I guess. I’m going to go to the water exhibition with you for now, Leah.”  
Robert blinked, clearly tired. “And I’ll be happy to accompany you to the photography parts for now, Haley. Only till lunch though, I still want to see some other parts later.”  
The blonde grinned, clearly happy. “Awesome! Its half past 11 now – when should we meet up for lunch? Two? Three?”  
Robert looked like he already regretted his decision. “How about 2? I think I’ll definitely be pretty hungry by then...”

\----------------------------------

The photography exhibition was slightly less boring than he had feared.  
Heré apparently had a penchant for black-and-white photography – something that Robert wasn’t really a fan of. However, this style had produced a few ghostly beautiful nature pictures – delicate white-grey cherry blossoms in front of a dark sky, a POV of shade-shifting marble in front of a cascading sea-  
The motives varied widely in cliché and almost absurd originality. He didn’t particularly care for the liver-POV on a street corner, apparently watching cars, but he had to admire the boldness to exhibit such a picture in this area and the photo itself was flawless, technique-wise.

Haley had kept talking the entire time, making the experience slightly less enjoyable. She kept analyzing the pictures, questioning the alignments or which lenses and what focusing had been used, commenting on social metaphors, all the while asking questions of him in between, ranging from “is that chewing gum under the frame?” to the one she had asked him just now: “Do you think the liver is a symbol for the underprivileged worker in a society that treats the lower class like cheap cuts in a joja market?”  
Robert blinked, giving her a somewhat appreciate look at the question, thinking about it. He looked back at the picture, examining the liver.  
It looked sad.  
How could it look sad? It was an organ on a street corner. A very clean organ, strangely enough. There was no blood or slime on it. It looked pristine, somewhat shimmering in the sun. Perhaps that was part of the message…  
“It could be. I’m honestly not sure. Lower-class workers are certainly treated like… like they’re disposable. When I used to work for Joja, people kept quitting or getting fired because they were just burned out from the everyday grind of doing the same goddamn thing every day, never any recognition, just more and more work, less and less breaks, higher demands and no trust or raises, even after years of employment… I hear its worse in the Joja factories and the Joja warehouses especially. If you go by such firms… maybe? The liver looks spotless. Strangely beautiful in its pureness and the light hitting it like that. But its by itself on the dirty ground. It can’t go anywhere. Its in constant danger of being eaten or trampled on. It doesn’t really serve a purpose anymore either, though. Maybe that's the point. It used to be vital, but because livers are easier to replace than a heart or a lung, it was discarded despite still looking good… Or maybe we’re putting too much thought into it and its just a random organ on a street corner.” He chuckled, giving Haley a genuine smile. He couldn’t deny that there was something fun about discussing these pictures with her, even though it was exhausting.

She smiled. “Maybe you’re right… what about this one?” She pointed to the next one over: A plastic frog sitting in a bag of fries “I think, it means the artist was high and hungry.”  
Robert burst out laughing. “10 serious analysis of the previous pictures – among them a freaking toenail balanced on a plush-cat – and this is what you come up for, for this? Its clearly Lewis running for re-election. The frog is green like like Lewis shirt and he sees us townies only as a tasty tax-snack on which to gorge his appetite for more power.”

Haley laughed. “Well, he has been the mayor for 20 years, as far as I know. It’s a little bit suspicious.”  
Robert grinned, agreeing. He looked at the blonde, thoughtful. She really wasn’t as unfriendly as he had first thought.  
Maybe she had been hurt before and just wore a thick layer of grumpiness to keep people away.  
_Looking like she does, she probably receives enough unwanted attention too… hm._

He furrowed his brows, considering carefully before saying: “Haley, I...I was wondering. Since we’re kinda having a good time, I was hoping you might be okay telling me something...”  
She raised an eyebrow, immediately looking skeptical. “What?”  
“Uhm… do you have a problem with Elliot? You seem kinda… uncomfortable around him...”  
Haley groaned, rolling her eyes. “I’m gonna say, you probably don’t wanna hear me hate on your boyfriend. So yeah. I don’t like him. I just don’t. Okay? Lets get back to the photographs...”  
Robert seemed a bit flustered, looking away uncomfortable. “Uhm...why not? Did he do something to you?”  
“I… uh...No. Not really. Look, I really don’t wanna talk about it, okay?”  
Robert shuffled in place. “I just don’t feel too comfortable knowing you hate him for no understandable reason. Sure, you and I don’t have too much in common but...” he made a gesture around. “You seem interested in talking about photography with me, so I guess I just figured-”  
“Oh my god, its because he’s known her forever okay? He’s barely been here a year and was already her best friend when I hadn’t even started nervously checking her out from the distance! And WHY is his skin like that? Or his hair? He has no business looking so pretty! Plus, Leah’s bi so her being besties with someone looking like _that_ whom she _apparently_ has such a deep connection with kinda fucks me up, okay?!” She stormed off towards the next area, leaving Robert behind.

\-----

 _Dammit..:Dammit, now he’s gonna tell that guy and they’re gonna laugh at me and….._ she hid behind a corner, putting her face in her hands, groaning.  
Why had she told him?  
The problem was – the farmer was right. Despite his obviously terrible taste in men, she found that she kind of liked him. It wasn’t easy finding someone who actually knew anything about photography and showed genuine interest and while he seemed like a bit of a stick-in-the-mud, he had also shown patience and the willingness to listen to her opinions and seemed pretty insightful about a lot of things to boot...  
Plus, him being with that arrogant, good-for-nothing writer meant that he at least spend less time with her precious Leah…  
“Haley…?” Robert stepped around the corner, giving her a concerned look. “Sorry I made you say that. Are you okay?”  
Haley turned away, groaning. “Oh fuck off. Just go ahead and tell your boyfriend so you can have a good laugh about me...”  
“Haley… I’m not going to tell him. And I wouldn’t laugh about you.”  
She turned around, still not looking at his face, grumbling. “Well, you know now. So now what?”  
The other took a longer breath. “I… Uhm. Thank you. You didn’t have to tell me and now I understand you better. I… I kind of get it, actually.”  
Haley looked up at him now, furrowing her brows. “You do?”  
Robert shrugged. “Sure. I’m… kinda in the same boat, when you think about it. Elliot has known her forever and likes her a lot. They spend a lot of time together. Little bit less now, but they’re still really close. And he has been with women in the past. Its not like I’m not… aware of… the theoretical possibilities. He told me that its never been like that between them, but still… She’s known him a lot longer than I have and she will always have known him one more year than I did.” he shrugged, looking away. “I trust him. And I know Leah wanted him and me to get together. Uhm.” He looked around uncomfortable. “But…. She _is_ a pretty woman who is very close to him.” He shrugged again, rubbing his arm unhappily.  
Haley sighed. “I see what you mean…” She looked away for a moment before seeking his eyes again, giving him a small, sad smile. “Guess I’m… not as alone in that situation as I thought.” Robert smiled back, tense. “Anyway… I think we didn’t see the malonian area yet...”

\----------------------------------------------------------

They had walked through about half of the water exhibition so far, following the trail of droplets that led across mossy floors and underneath remarkably cool artificial caves.  
Leah was slurping a spinach smoothie. “You seem really happy lately, you know? Suits you.”  
Elliot felt himself grin again. Lately, he was always grinning. It still felt strange. He wasn’t used to smile out into the world so much but he couldn’t help it. “Well… I suppose I am happy, for a change.”  
“And that's great...though I also feel like I barely see you anymore.”  
Elliot deflated, giving her a rueful look. “I know. I’m sorry. I suppose I did get caught up a little in… er… in my affairs.”  
“In banging Robert.”  
Elliot sputtered, immediately turning beet-red. “Keep quiet, will you?!” He looked around, embarrassed. “Besides its… its not like we’re…. I….” He looked down, trying to fight for composure. “I’ll have you know that we have a deep, intellectual connection.”  
“I’m sure you do...” She gave him a sly grin, taking another sip of her smoothie. “So tell me… How are things going between you two? I know you were doubtful when you first started off in your advances.”

Elliot thought about it. “It’s… exhilarating and terrifying. I’m always afraid to lose him in some way. That someone will take him away from me. That I mess up and he leaves me. I don’t...” He sighed. “I don’t really know how to deal with it, but I find it unfair for me to put those fears on him...”  
Leah gave him a worried look. “Elliot… you have to talk to him about that. You can easily get obsessed with stuff like that if you never talk about it. Especially when he eventually starts making more friends. You don’t want to become consumed with jealousy over nothing.”

Elliot shrugged. “Maybe… What can I say? Not a day goes by that I don’t feel anxious about having it all fall apart because of some little mistake or because he decides he doesn’t want to be with me after all… but that's only when we’re apart.. when I am with him… hmm…” He felt himself smile again, his thoughts drifting, mindless happiness gliding through him for a moment. “...around him… my mind is so light. We fit together so well in so many ways… The other day we played the keyboard together in the setting sun and we were in such sync. Not just the music but just...us. I’ve never felt so… so seen as a person. Its like he just… gets me so much. We spend hours having the most stimulating conversations about anything and everything, music, literature, moral conundrums, personal histories… He’s such a great listener too...”

“And he’s so handsome and you can never get enough of staring into his eyes or writing poems about his allure, huh?” She had folded her arms, giving him a strange mix of sly grin and skeptic eyebrows. Elliot opened and closed his mouth a few times, blinking, feeling frozen at that. “I mean.. what do you want me to say? You _did_ ask how its going. Did you really expect me _not_ to swoon all over him? You know me. You know I wear my heart on my sleeve- of course I love him with all my heart and soul and of course I despair every day at the very thought of what feels like certainty that all this must one day end, as all good things end and die in this life...” He let out a dramatic sigh, giving her his most theatrically tragic smile. “How are things with Haley, then? Does she still hate me? I notice I never see you two holding hands. Is that normal? I genuinely don’t know. I know so little of real-life relationships. But you two seem almost cold compared to what I experience with Robert...”

Leah smiled. “I suppose its true. Haley and I aren’t…. hanging onto another the way you two are. She isn’t the overtly cuddle type. I mean, she likes to cuddle when watching a movie or after sex and stuff like that, but she isn’t randomly coming by to hug me or anything like that which is something I’m convinced you two are doing. No idea what you mean about her not liking you… But its great, you know? We have long, interesting discussions, we walk through nature a lot, sometimes we work together on projects which I like very much and its all in all very sexually fulfilling too. So everything's great.”

Elliot nodded, avoiding her gaze, his face hot. He hadn’t really wanted to know _anything_ about her sex life, that part of relationships still feeling so incredibly private to him that he didn’t know at all how to feel about anyone talking about things like that. “Well… that's, er good. Good that you...work well together.” He barely resisted the urge to clear his throat in embarrassment.  
Leah chuckled. “So would you say your relationship is that as well?”  
Elliot blinked. “What do you mean?”  
“Sexually fulfilling.”  
Elliot looked down, his mind immediately racing with thoughts of their more recent intimate moments, embarrassment making him feel like just sinking into the ground. It felt incredibly inappropriate for him to talk about _that_ , for Leah even asking about it… He nodded without looking up, quickening his pace. “Er...I think we’re supposed to meet the others for lunch now.” He walked off quicker, Leah trailing after him, giggling.

\---------------------------------------------------

Robert still felt awkward walking around with Haley but there was a bit more of an understanding between them now. Both of them caring for one half of a pair of best friends was a strange situation. But it also meant they had a few things in common. Haley had stopped talking once they had started making their way towards the cafeteria, either lost in thought or tired of her own voice speaking for what felt like an eternity without much pause to the farmer. He was starting to warm up to her, yes, but her constant talking had truly started to become exhausting.  
They made their way to the main hall – a large, modern atrium with long tables that would probably easily fit twenty to thirty people around them.

Elliot and Leah were already waiting by the entrance, the writer seeming oddly uncomfortable while Leah had a big grin on her face. “Heyy! There you are!” Elliot looked up at Robert, a strangely desperate look in his eyes. He clearly was happy to see the farmer, yet there was some mildly negative emotion mixed into it. Robert gave him a small smile. “Hey. You guys have a good time in the water exhibition?”  
Elliot nodded, seeming a bit tired. Leah appeared full of energy. “Yeah! Its really great! The big theme I apparently sediment this time. They build some kind of water bridge- water flows over multiple waterfalls, through artificial shorelines and over aqueducts, alternating with other paths in between. I think its a really clever design. In each different area they got corresponding artworks. At the shoreline there is a giant picture of a merman made entirely of differently colored sand-pebbles and the cave part has a bunch of mythological statues that have to do with water- Neptune, Lyar and all that...anyway, I’m starving. What do they have, here?”

They each got a plate of moderately appetizing cafeteria food. Leah seemed to be the only one with real appetite, digging a large bowl of Gazpacho. Robert and Elliot had both gone for the pasta, desperate in the hope that there wasn’t too much one could mess up about that while Haley was eating something that looked like some kind of breaded vegetable which seemed suspiciously floppy.

Leah kept talking to Haley, explaining about the intricacies of some artists work but Robert wasn’t really listening. Elliot seemed so drained of energy that it genuinely worried him. They had been apart for two hours. Elliot had been in a good mood before and usually he got more energetic when confronted with new artwork. Yet he seemed so uneasy and needy at this moment. He didn’t show it too much, somewhat aimlessly pushing food around his plate, not meeting his eyes much.

“...Robert?” Leah tried getting his attention. He looked over, confused what she was talking about. “Huh?”  
“Haley and I are gonna go back to the photography exhibition. Are you coming too or are you going to visit another part of the museum?”  
“Oh, uh...”  
Elliot reached for his hand, giving him a small, somewhat pleading look. Robert squeezed his hand, looking back at Leah. “Uh, no. I think I wanna get a look at the water exhibition too or maybe the paintings. I’m just gonna stick with Elliot for now.”

They separated after a bit, Haley and Leah walking off excitedly. Robert turned to Elliot who still seemed clammy. “Whats going on?” Elliot shrugged. He looked around, grabbed his hand and lead him into an abandoned corridor, hugging him as soon as they got out of general view. Robert hugged back after a moment, mildly startled, Elliot clinging to him, his head on the farmers shoulder. The writer sighed against him. “Sorry… I’m just...hm...Leah is being a bit...inquisitive. And I don’t know how to deal with it.” He moved back slightly, looking at him softly. “How are you doing? Spending that much time with Haley must’ve been...intense.”

Robert shrugged. “It was okay. More interesting and less annoying than I would have thought. But she talks… so much. So. So much.” He sighed for a moment. Then he pressed closer to Elliot, kissing him softly, stroking his back, trying to be a comforting influence. He still felt the writers weariness, his soul seeming burst open and leaking, like someone had put too much pressure on him in some way. Elliot relaxed more against him, leaning his head on Roberts shoulder once more. “Sounds exhausting...” his voice was a low mumble. “Leah kinda...drilled me about our relationship. Don’t know why...She was really….” He sighed. “Really direct in her questions.”  
Robert furrowed his brows. “How do you mean? What did she ask?”  
Elliot groaned quietly. He looked up embarrassed, moving back slightly rubbing his neck. “Gnn...like...really private stuff. If we….uh...work well together sexually and if I was...uh...satisfied being with you...in that way... things like that.”  
Robert choked, his face going hot. “Sh-She asked _that_?!” He swallowed hard. “...Uh… What did you say?”  
“Uh...” He tensed visibly. “I just nodded and kinda walked away. She kept walking after me, asking more but...uh. Yeah. I just kinda kept nodding.” He straightened, giving him a sheepish look. “I- I mean… we do uh… work well together... don’t we?”  
“I, uh, I think so, yeah...”  
He gave him a shy smile. “Uh...good. That’s good. Uhm.” He still looked uncharacteristically shy. “Anyway… wanna see the exhibition?”

They walked through the exhibition quietly. Every-so-often they’d spend longer times in front of a particularly interesting or moving piece of art, exchanging little commentary about its nature or meaning, taking every chance of joint standstill to just lean against each other, quietly taking in the artwork. By now, foot-traffic had definitely picked up, the exhibition now filled with a number of people, some of them talking a lot, others wandering aimlessly. Robert regretted not coming to this area while there were less people here, some of the serene nature of these artworks being somewhat lost in the presence of restless children.

Yet he greatly enjoyed sharing this experience with his partner in their personal amicable silence. Talking to Haley so much through the morning had exhausted him and despite the people around them, he felt wonderfully quiet inside anytime he leaned against the writer, feasting his eyes on thunderous landscapes or grass-sculped statues, Elliot's presence by his side filling him with blissful warmth.  
Elliot pecked his temple, squeezing his hand. “The exhibition will close soon… Might I persuade you to walk ahead with me a little bit more? I’d like you to see the Himalayan caves before we go...”  
Robert nodded in quiet happiness, squeezing his hand back. Elliot led him across the hall and up the stairs. They climbed up into a cool rock formation cast in twilight. The air was cool and suffused with tiny water droplets in places, artificial winds blowing through their hair, a strangely cool, salty scent around them. Elliot opened his shoes, slipping out of them and went on one knee, opening Roberts shoes as well, looking up at him. “One is supposed to walk through this area with bare feet.” Robert hesitantly slipped out of his shoes. Elliot picked them up, carrying them with his own, grasping his hand again.  
They walked across the stone floor, reaching fake snow on cool ground. Robert made a surprised sound. “How do they get it so cold? Its… not as cool as real snow but it still feels so similar and its coolness is just shy of burning on my skin...” Elliot shrugged. “Magic? I have no idea, honestly. I know that I admire the ingenuity. Careful now, there is a low drop ahead where they let in the rill.” They waded through the water carefully, the cave still cast in an artificial half-shadow, the areas of snow lighting up as on a winter evening. On the other side, fresh grass dried their feet. There was a large mural on this side of the cave, depicting a panorama view of dark mountaintops clad in snow, a snowstorm above them. 

Cool simulated wind brushed through the cave, making the farmer shiver. Elliot made a small sound, giving him a thoughtful look. He laid their shoes down on a rock nearby and moved to embrace his partner. Robert let out a small gasp, cuddling up immediately. Elliot radiated warmth, pleasantly heating him up, making him sigh against him. “Hmm...How are you so warm?”  
“I don’t know… years of not being able to afford a heater? I just got good at keeping warm, maybe...” He rubbed Roberts back, slipping a warm hand under his shirt. The black-haired one looped his arms around his neck gazing up into Elliot's green eyes. “You know, I’m really glad I came here with you… even though its pretty cold in here.” Elliot kissed his forehead, smiling. “I suppose I really need to warm you some more...” They kissed slowly, pressing close in the twilight-  
The yelling excitement of kids in a snowy place suddenly filled the room. The couple sagged against each-other in sudden frustration while the noises got louder, sounding like one or possibly several families invading the previously quiet space. Robert groaned in frustration. “Damn kids...”  


They returned to the atrium, keeping an eye out for the other two. “Hmm...” Robert looked at his watch. “We still have 30 minutes before the bus leaves… Guess we still have twenty minutes before we really gotta go.”  
Elliot hummed in agreement. “I suppose they’re still in the exhibition...hmm… hey, lets go over there.” He motioned towards the corridor on the far side with his head, starting to walk already, drawing him with him into the same abandoned corridor they had already been in earlier. He looked around for a moment, before smiling back at his partner, sliding his hands up to his head, tilting, suddenly kissing him hungrily. Robert reciprocated immediately, yearning for him after they had been interrupted so annoyingly before. Elliot pushed him backwards carefully, pressing him against the wall, working to open his mouth further with his tongue, his hand on his hips, squeezing-  
Robert pushed him back slightly, panting, looking around for a moment. Elliot stared at him almost impatient, naked lust all over his face. He bucked his hips again him, almost nailing him to the wall. Robert barely suppressed a needy sound, biting his lips. “M-Maybe we shouldn’t… overdo it… mildly public, here...”  
Elliot breathed into his ear, making him tremble. The writer moved his head back mildly, looked around quickly and gave him a pointed, wanting stare, moving in close again. “Still looks like an empty corridor to me.” He kissed him again, hard, moving on to nuzzle his throat, moving downwards against his collarbone, unbuttoning Robert shirt a bit further. “hmm… I never get to see you in dress-shirts...suits you so well...” He kissed his throat again, heavy. “And its so terribly hot outside… I can never touch you for long...”  
Robert whined quietly, Elliot's hands moving beneath his shirt as he kissed him again. Robert felt boneless under his touch trying to somehow keep standing in the haze, to regain some sort of control over his body underneath the sweet emptiness filling his head…  
He tried opening his eyes, straining, glancing at his watch-  
_5:48...huh..._  
He leaned into the kiss a moment longer…  
_Hmmmm..._  
He pushed Elliot back softly, stumbling, his mind dazed. He leaned against the wall, trying to somehow calm down, to somehow focus on the fact that in about 10 minutes, he was supposed to sit in a bus with a bunch of other people, a place where he could most definitely not feel too aroused and where, more importantly, Elliot really, _really_ shouldn’t feel too _excited_ anymore as they had no backpacks or anything else they could use to cover up…

Elliot had turned away, breathing deeply, apparently getting the hint to possibly calm down himself now. “Sorry… I… I know I got a bit too carried away...”  
Robert clenched his teeth, his body still crying out in lust. “M-Maybe A little… yeah...”  
Elliot turned, his face still pleasantly flushed, brushing Roberts cheek softly. “I just couldn’t help it… You looked so beautiful in the cave earlier… you’re too handsome for me to resist...” The writer stared at him for a long moment before apparently realizing he made it worse again, turning away sharply. He took a few deep breaths, straightening, adjusting his pants. Robert rubbed his own face, trying to stand upright and look normal.  
Not like I can make my face stop burning, pretty sure of that...  
He groaned, checking his watch. “It’s 5.52 already… Think you’re ready to go?”  
Elliot turned nodding. “As ready as I’ll be in the next few minutes. And we can’t let the others wait even longer...” 

They made their way to the entrance in a hurry, spotting Haley and Leah outside, catching up to them as soon as they could. “Heyyy!” Leah waved, grinning. They were already half-way to the bus-stop, waving before they turned and kept on walking. They caught up to the two women shortly before reaching the bus-stop, making it to the there together just before 6pm.  
Leah’s gaze wandered between their faces, giving them a knowing smile. “So, you two have a… good time?”  
Robert felt like sinking into the ground. Was it really _that_ obvious?  
Elliot nodded beside him. “Yes. Still interesting, even upon a second look through.”  
Robert was silently impressed how normal Elliot had gotten his voice to sound again, seeming so casual… He nodded in agreement over his statement. “I think many of the installments are really impressive. No idea how they made that cave work like that.”  
The bus drove up and the group entered, taking in the same seats they had already occupied on their way there.  
Robert tried not leaning onto Elliot too much, keeping his hands to himself, worried he would make the situation more difficult for both of them otherwise. He started talking to Haley about the exhibition again, feeling like he understood her a lot better now, trying to focus on the conversation. He asked her about other photographs she had seen in the part he hadn’t visited, but his body was still buzzing, denying him full focus, the need to get back home soon still so very present… 

“So, you guys up for drinks at the saloon?” Leah looked around between them. Robert felt some kind of mild shock jump into his throat. He hadn’t even considered that the social engagement might not be over at this point. He swallowed dryly. “Uh, I actually have to take care of the animals. I left them outside all day… And I’m honestly kind of beat. Its been a long day.”  
Leah nodded in understanding. “Yeah, I get that… What about you, Elliot, you joining us?”  
Robert couldn’t help looking at Haley really quick who rolled her eyes. She shared a look with him after and actually gave him a pained smile, some understanding remaining between them.  
Elliot seemed to hesitate. “I’m not sure… Robert, would you be okay without my help?”  
Robert blinked surprised, staring at him.  
_You’re not seriously going out… you’re not...dude..._  
“Uh… Its been a really long day and I would actually really appreciate your help.”  
Elliot nodded, seeming thoughtful. “Yes… that makes sense I suppose… Well, sorry Leah, I can’t leave Robert hanging.”  
She nodded. “Well, too bad.” They reached Pelican town. “But its been a fun day and I’m happy we went together.”  
Robert nodded agreeing. “It was nice getting away from the farm for a change… Thank you guys for getting me out a bit.” 

They reached Pelican town and made their goodbyes, heading off into opposite directions.  
Robert walked over to the coop, closing the door before heading in to check if they had enough food.  
Elliot was leaning against the fence when he got back out, sunbeams lighting his hair in the breeze. Robert took a deep breath, forcefully keeping himself from touching him right there. They walked towards the house, Robert fidgeting his key out of his pocket. “Would you really have gone out for a drink with the others?”  
Elliot hummed. “I may have considered it for a moment… I have enjoyed many scintillating discussions after museum visits with Leah.”  
Robert opened the door, nudging Elliot inside. He closed the door and pushed Elliot to the wall, hard, barely mindful enough to shield his head from the impact with his hand, kissing him. He felt Elliot smile against his lips, the man trying to reach out with his arms but Robert moved his hands against his shoulders, pushing them further to the wall, playfully preventing some movement while he tried exploring the others mouth more actively. So far, he had usually been more receiving in their kisses, greatly enjoying Elliot pushing himself inside of him, liking the feeling of practically getting seized by the man. Trying to turn their dynamic around at least a little was new ground for him, yet he didn’t find it any less enjoyable…  
Elliot opened beneath his mouth, almost welcoming, stroking his tongue with his own, slowly opening wider, sucking on his tongue….  
Robert felt his eyes roll back for a moment, caught up in the intense effect this sensation had on him. He reeled for a moment, then slid one hand up the back of his partners head, cupping his face with the other, moving his tongue slower, flicking it over his teeth. Elliot was already panting against him, one hand in Roberts black hair, reaching out with his tongue, trying to draw him back in, brushing against his lips softly before finally breaking the kiss. They collapsed against another for a moment, panting, lips mildly swollen. “Is this...” Elliot fought for air. “Is this this the treatment I’ll get every-time I consider going out with Leah instead of actively trying to get laid?” Robert snickered, high on hormones. “Not bloody likely… You’d just keep telling me every day how you consider meeting her, otherwise.”  
Elliot chuckled, his head leaned against the other. “You’re probably right...”  
Robert moved his head back, sliding both arms around Elliot's neck, looking up at him, trying to cut through the fog in his head. “Thank you for today. I haven’t felt joy in art since forever.”  
Elliot gave him an emotional, happy smile, eyes shining. He gave him a soft kiss. “I am lucky having found someone who appreciates the finer expressions of the human mind like you do… I am thankful you accompanied me.”  
Robert just stared at him, lost in his eyes, so pure, so affectionate…  
“I love you.”  
Elliot made a soft sound, lightly trembling. “I love you too...”  
They hugged tightly, making soft humming sounds until stroking turned to groping, nuzzling to kissing and as the sun went down outside, they found, they really just had to move to the bedroom. 


End file.
